every day looking in the mirror and trying to stay well feels like this. like i could be getting skinnier and worse right now but nooo im like not supposed to do that

i miss the control that i had. accidentally lost a lot of weight due to illness and realized just how much i rely the addiction of self destruction. being better is cool and all but its not me, but i dont wanna get bad again

oougghh im getting far too fat. like i know thinking im obese at 125 lbs is crazy but i fear a relapse is on the horizon. im enjoying eating whatever i want and not overexercising to death it feels so nice but grrggrrrr i cannot stand my body being fat!!!!

i hate the mix of gaining the weight back and feeling so much physically better but mentally disgusting. do i ever break out of this cycle forever or am i just doomed to come back to it like an abusive ex

im trying to get better. recovery is hard :(

im following the exact pattern i did when i was younger and really into my ed restrict heavily, get down to 118, binge my way up to 125, freak out, restrict down to 105 im almost up to 125 lets see what triggers me !!! 😭 the history book on the shelf is always repeating itself or whatever abba says

my thigh gap keeps getting smaller and smaller and i am losing my gd mind !! im getting fat again guys see you on tlc in a few years

I CANT EAT NORMALLY ANYMORE I CANT DO THIS IT FEELS SO GROSS I FEEL SO GROSS I CANT DO THIS WAAAAAAGGYGHHHH

i feel like i look so fat from the binging i did last week but all my measurements are the same, so either i've been this fat the ENTIRE GD TIME or my measuring tape is a liar

aight guys here's the game plan: intuitive eating/around maintenance, then down to a normal people restriction level (1400 or so), thennn back down to my crazy shit 😼 I got this trust. If I ease down I won't binge that's the thought processs

does my body want to be fat or what. i have a small built skeleton. i look better th1n. why am i so hungry and how do i physically fit so much food in my objectively little body. like i think im morbidly 0bese bc ✨dysm0rphia✨ but ik im not. i do nawwwt get it 😭

today i am just going to normal overeat instead of binge so that i break the cycle and can start restricting again tomorrow trust the process

after today i have to lock in. if i can get down to 115 im gonna get my second earlobe piercing trust im gonna do it by mid june

rant warning I JSUT GOT THE WORST HAIRCUT OF MY LIFE. IVE NEVER NOT TIPPED BEFORE THIS MOMENT. WHAT PART OF "LEAVE THE LENGTH" MEANS SHAVE OFF 3 INCHES OF HAIR??? AND THEN CHARGE ME FOR A KIDS CUT. BITCH I DROVE MYSELF HERE?? IM ALMOST 20 YEARS OF AGE N NOW I LOOK TWEEELLVVEEE

cannot stop binging can i stop swapping between eds thatd be great

Im so excited for the cookies im gonna c/s after work omg omg omg

i need for someone to invent 0 calorie marshmallows id actually sell my soul for it

once (if, at this point.) i can finally shit its over for the rest of y'all i stg

i gotta lock in todays binge was BAD. terrified of the scale tomorrow. oh well

binge so bad im planning a Diet of Punishment on canva 😭

ive decided to do the million calorie challenge it seems sooooo when yall see me on my 600lb life dont be surprised

im so hungry but also no appetite but im already over my calorie limit (including dinner that i havent had yet) but i want to eat but nothing seems good and my stomach hurts bc i cant shit. i need a gun

omg I found them..

feeling called out lol

its healed a bit now so y'all get to see :3 (flagged bc i don't wanna see my leg every time I open my feed)

i wish i looked as sick as i feel oh my god this SUCKS

b1nging and pvrging bc I got s//xually harassed by a patient at work. Its like a treat.

guuyssss I got my first tattoo and I need like 17 more

scales only up by 1.6 that's way less than I was expecting that's fine I can lose that I can lock in

I drank so much pink whitney and I think I texted my ex something I shouldn't have. I also work in 7 hours. I hate myself

almost at my calorie limit, it's noon, im still hungry, and i have an outing that im going to drink at later tonight. what if i just die right now 😭😭

MY STUMMYYY OUGGHHHSHEHEHEH OUCHIE OUCHIE OUCHIE !!!!!

ougghh i wanna binge so bad i wanna binge sooo bad grrr

staying extremely low res for a long time was so much easier when I was younger wtf happened

they got me stuck in bmi 20s PRISON #evvysky #lemonwatersky

I'm losing 6kg this month. I'm losing 6kg this month. I'm losing 6kg this month.

1800 calories of just straight sugar time to not step on the scale for the next 3 days

im half an inch down on my thighs hallelujah. it actually doesnt matter that i texted my ex my thighs r slimmer im golden im glad

texted my ex i think i need to die

this went about as badly as I expected.

oughhhh it's only 630pm I'm at almost 1400 calories 🐖 and want to binge so bad I JUST GOT UNDER 120LBS COME ON

im under 120 for two days in a row holy shit did i break my curse

WHY DO THOSE TROLLI GUMMY WORM POPSICLES FEEL EXACTLY LIKE A DICK I GOT JUMPSCARED SO BAD

yall i tried on my old prom pants from high school and they just fell off. idk whether to feel accomplished or sad about it 😔

guys i hate being manic and not realizing it until im balls deep into it. usually i can tell when i start to get manic but not this time! what the fuck

halo top in 2 hours i'm so geeked

cant sleep and im so mad bc i gotta wake up in 5 hours but i decided im gonna buy some h4lo top after my shift tomorrow and I'm geeked about it 😼

thighs so fat and for what. i have narrow hips tf fat gotta go in my thighs for it just looks stupid

guys I think my boss wants me to kms or something bc wdym im getting one training shift for a position I have never worked before and then just being set loose

if i lose 10 lbs I can get a new piercing trust