Seeking a lawyer who wants to help me sue the city of Chicago to force them to paint speed bumps yellow like every other place on planet fucking earth

Right side of the bed: pillow, blanket, me Left side of the bed: iPad, Hawaiian rolls, vista print envelopes, pup hood, earplugs, a knife, portable charger, and a pair of shorts

The world if the CTA runs the buses and trains they say they will

My aura: threatening

Electric Dog Carnival 💚 @caferacer5.bsky.social 💙 @shinybetamax.bsky.social ❤️ @espy.dog

Stay trashy, Michigan City

50 shades of fucked up that someone named Tyler is old enough to be the street commissioner in my parents’ town

EDC: DAL w/ @shinybetamax.bsky.social

Did @shinybetamax.bsky.social and I get stuck in MSP for 6 hours tonight? Yeah. Did we leave the airport and go to @lexlogan.bsky.social’s and get in the hot tub? Definitely I have most certainly had worse layovers I’ll be honest

Whoever spray painted, “your self respect has to be stronger than your feelings for them” on the ground outside my house go fuck yourself

You on Friday night: partying at FWA 🐶🎉 Me on Friday night: writing about Baumol’s cost disease in childcare (I’m jealous 😭)

I think I found my new place 😵‍💫

How much water did I waste last night making AI photos of my 90yo great aunt with Ozzy Osbourne and George Bush?

Warning to all men: I am physically healthy enough again to fight and I am not fucking afraid to. You know who you are.

I fucking hate men

Just so we’re clear: I am back bitches. Full steam ahead.

I fucking won against the telemarketer today. They blocked me lol “Sadly our officers are getting assaulted daily” “Fucking good! Great even! I hope they get assaulted more!” *line ends* I then called back a couple times and now the call won’t connect

Update I drank a bottle of Riesling, smoked a whole cart, and sent emails all without getting nicotine or committing murder. Mission success.

That’s it, I’m with RFK. Ban these fucking serotonin-heavy drugs. They’re fucking poison and I went from the second smallest pill of amitriptyline to the smallest and I am crashing out so fucking hard. Today I got so mad it was humid that I was yelling and screaming. Also I need a goddamn ciggie

Is it even adobe illustrator if you’re not screaming “fuck you, you clanker piece of shit get out of here with that generative AI bullshit before I fucking kill your makers”

April showers 🌧️ (No my mirror isn’t dirty it’s just 115 years old)

At every job I’ve ever had that’s unionized, the union leadership is comprised 100% of people you don’t want to be in charge of literally anything

CTA stranded me across town. 2 ghost trains. 1 last bus of the night that ignored me and kept driving. Fuck you. One more lane. Defund the CTA

Tops! Move to Chicago! Fill the void!

I lasted 20 mins without fireball

I love doing a 15 step skincare routine just to cover my face up with a neoprene pup hood

Trying really hard not to get wasted at jackhammer tonight but also the bottle of wine in the fridge sounds really good right now

“Wear open toed shoes while this heals” I cannot describe to you how much I hate open toe shoes and how I own basically none. Sorry, I live in Chicago. I cannot have my feet uncovered 1.5” from the ground.

My schizophrenic roommate from senior year of high school once told me “the soviets thought of American homosexuality as bourgeois decadence” and you know what they’re right

Update I ordered Uber Eats and forgot about it

The ultimate in moisture

Maybe one year I can actually go to IML for once. I do in fact live in Chicago lol 2022: Had COVID 2023: Was accidentally in Italy 2024: Had COVID 2025: Was sick with other illness 2026: little brother graduating high school

The gang and I are road trip ready!

My new fetish is biblically accurate angels “Be not afraid” ok yes daddy say more

update there are 52 tubes on their way

Where can someone buy bulk berts bees lip balm no I will not be explaining why

We Love to Fly and It Shows 🛫⛅️

Yall……please stop letting me order fireball shots at jackhammer. It’s becoming a trend and a problem.

...why the fuck do i have two copies of outlook? 📸 @shinybetamax.bsky.social

Feel free to sexualize my incontinence as much as you want. I do it all the time. It makes it more fun knowing people get horny about my inability to potty train. Instead of feeling disabled, I feel sexy. I can't explain how empowering that is.

So uhhhhhh about finishing potty training yesterday….. Maybe I was fibbing a little. Idk I can’t read the paper.

I’m happy to announce that as of today, I’ve officially finished potty training and am going back to undies!

🎶 We got that Airbnb out in Joshua Tree, with a Polaroid photo of you going down on me 🎶

I’ve had a few people ask so, yes, this is the bit I posted about being in too deep on No I don’t regret it

I’m high on my own power right now

Honestly. Society is the prison. #sublife

“I need you to give me head lessons” - @pupkodak.bsky.social

Golden hour ☀️ & white wine 🍷

🎶 We got that Airbnb out in Joshua Tree, with a Polaroid photo of you going down on me 🎶