I would like to wish all mothers a very happy and loving Mother’s Day and all cis straight men a very merry go fuck yourself 🖕🏻🤨🖕🏻

To all mothers, Happy Mother’s Day 🌸 If the earth is a woman If the sea is a woman If the moon is a woman I know God is a woman If we all love a woman Then shall we respect our women Daughters Sisters Mothers #moederdag #mothersday youtu.be/fNAVKTwY1Sk?...

When you’ve told Democratic voters and millions of people that their votes literally don’t matter and can be overturned on a whim by a bunch of partisans in robes, you don’t get to complain when they start resorting to violence

Here’s an idea: don’t pay taxes. They’re using your hard earned tax dollars to protect pedophiles and bomb little girls in Iran. Pretty simple when you think about it 🧐

Americans you fucking matter. Your families matter your struggles matter and we can’t let them rob us anymore

Been a while so quick refresher: FUCK AI and FUCK YOU if you use it to generate slop 🖕🏻 fucking losers, talentless thieves, brain-dead rizzless zombies with NO swag, NO magic, NO personality, common loot droppin ass NPC ass fake ass scum. Goddamn you people are fuckin pathetic. You make me sick 🤣

The only thing that is going to save our souls is each other. Take care of yourself. Take care of your people. And let’s lock the fuck in.

We must oppose the falsehoods and the political influencers present on this platform. We must elevate each other's voices. We are the ones being deprived, not them. Stand together and resist.

What if everyone below the upper middle class tax bracket enters into a lottery and the winner gets to be president for 2 years? And if you lie about anything related to the welfare or your office you get dishonorably discharged. Apply this to all politicians and maybe we survive climate collapse.

Maybe it’s just me, but holy shit it’s crazy how much funnier I am sober.

With my ADHD friend: ADHD? More like ADH “We” 😏

“What do you call a tweet now that it’s X?” Oh, I think they call that a hate crime 🧐

“If you’re so gender queer why don’t you wear makeup?” First of all I don’t owe you or anyone gender performance. Second of all, bitch I be crying like EVERY damn day.

We think all rapist should be in jail, the government needs to pay us back the money they stole from the American people

Trump is a rapist and a pedophile and a fascist dictator and is unfit to do wipe his own ass let alone lead a country

I hate to break it to ya but spider is also bugs

FUCK I love Gen Z so much. They’re like if a whole generation was Pokémon. (I am NOT actively capturing them and forcing them to fight in an underground bare knuckle boxing ring! This is a FALSE RUMOR!!!)

Release the Epstein files and convict rapists of their crimes. Round ‘em up! Put ‘em all back on Epstein Island! Then BLOW UP THE ISLAND 💣 💥 Televise that shit like a NASA rocket launch. Give reparations and privacy to the victims and families of victims. Then we can begin to heal as a society ✨

“Water in my cereal. Badu in your stereo. Holla if you hear me tho. Remembering is good if you don’t let it be the fear in you. Wrap your head with this material (terial)”

Ok look, I may be white but I’m not far-white or alt-white and I think that’s really saying something this day and age.

Went to an early screening of Devil Wears Prada 2. Visually stunning for blatant propaganda. Best part was when Gaga saves the day. They dance around making political statements about art, journalism, and AI but instead focus on endearing the misogynistic malignant narcissist billionaire lady 🤮

Follow me for more hole-in-one tutorials on how to turn yourself into a golf ball from the feet up ⛳️ ✨

We out here roasting 6 year olds. Grow up, you absolute child

Me to myself aloud after watching a small child no older than 6 fall over for no reason other than they are a tiny underdeveloped human and still figuring out gravity, balance, and how feet work: “lol you dumb piece of shit” 😆

Goku what you go through

I bet Freud’s mom was an absolute babe.

How many more of us have to die before it becomes apparent to everyone that violence has ALWAYS been the answer?

Have you tried masturbating about it?

Me at Coachella: “Ahhh music festivals! Now ~these~ are my people! Hey how are you today, passing stranger?” “Go fuck yourself, weirdo” “See?! Everyone is so nice!” 😁

Fun fact: if you call an incel “little dog” they will bark at you like a chihuahua.

May I suggest the title of “Bisexual Flow”

BRB, going groblim mode. Gerblin mode? Josh Groblan mode 🫡

Me for like the 8th time to the same guy I’ve been talking to for weeks: hey you know I’m poly, right?

Remember when hand drawn cartoons would actually mingle with people in live action settings? We hit the cutting edge of those effects in like the 80s with Who Framed Roger Rabbit and it was a triumph of film and animation. Then we just abandoned the very concept? wtf? Can we bring that back please??

6 months sober. I’ll take my chip in Cool Ranch, please 🫴🏻

Welp. I just tried to zoom on a picture in a magazine. Go ahead and schedule my lobotomy.

It's actually really fucked up watching so many people clamor to watch a new television series created by a woman who has proudly bragged she'll use the money she makes to try and kill my entire community.

I tried to get into One Piece many times. I like the concept, story, silliness, and heart of it. Hate the art style and VO performances, both dubs n subs. It’s ugly and sonically grating to me. But I’m enjoying the live-action. Why they make Chopper look like that tho? They did him dirt as hell wtf😂

Certifried Afrocheeziac

Congratulations to McElroy brothers @justinmcelroy.bsky.social @travismcelroy.bsky.social and @griffinmcelroy.bsky.social for their long overdue award for Best Ad Read. The best in the biz at it since the early days of podcasting, and criminally disregarded every year despite consistent nominations.

Thank you for calling Jubb Bubbins Rugs and Tubs and Plugs for Jugs Discount Wholesale Emporium. For quality assurance, could you describe your hole and tell me how you got this number?

I’ve never done crack but the smell of PineSol makes me want to try it 🤔

Trans people are older than your Christian god. Shut the fuck up. Sit the fuck down. You brain dead hate filled pile of shit.

At last year’s Yule Ball I introduced music man Mikey Keys to propose a heartfelt toast. Holding the microphone down to my side, mid-speech, I ripped a proper assflapper right into the diaphragm of the mic. It shook the room, echoing off vaulted ceilings. No one blinked. Too drunk to even notice 😔

Be sure to test your fentanyl for gluten, kids!

Conservatism is just abuse.

if you’re in a relationship with a chat bot you’re just a narcissist. love requires empathy you can’t empathize with a large language model because it doesn’t have a mind. it has no wants and no needs. it exists to combine words to make you feel good.

Kid Rock is spewin a lot of hateful crybaby bullshit about trans folks for someone who has long pretty hair like a lady.

I don't think it's a coincidence that all transphobes are ugly af