It’s been damn near thirty years, and I just now put together that the “Berserker” song that Olaf sings in CLERKS is set to the theme song to BONANZA.

You ever seen a priest exercising? It’s like, dude, you’re spelling it wrong.

Dear @draculasbestfriend.bsky.social, Today I read my child a book that ended with a list of 50 Dragon's names and I instinctively read it like the song about dudes and their sons names from Stingray Sam. Regards, Nolan

I’m not sure what Charlamagne tha God’s job is. I mean, I like him, but what does he do for work?

I think vegans should be allowed to eat worms.

I going to start calling junebugs “j-bugs” to save time.

Pregnant Paws would be a great name for a place that spays and neuters cats and dogs.

Authentic Bulgarian Miax. Bet you thought I couldn’t find any this time of year. #ernestscaredstupid

I have seen both episodes of SNL UK, and the best thing I can say is that there are two of them.

The first episode of SNL UK is not worse than the first episode of regular SNL.

Why isn’t there a Cannibal Corpse song called “Library Bathroom”? I can’t think of anything more horrifying.

Overheard at the beer store, Jersey City, NJ, 2026: “Give me two packs of Newports - no - Tylenol!”

The majority of the items on the “1, 2, Freddy’s Coming For You” Freddy Krueger Protection Checklist will provide little to no actual assistance in the event of Freddy Krueger.

Cincinnati cello punk legends LUNG. Le Poisson Rouge. NYC. January 2026. #lungtheband

Just remembered that (pre-canceled) Louis CK has a joke about how he doesn’t care if people jack off on his corpse. When he dies, should we all, like, do that?

“Whoomp! (There It Is)” is a Xmas song. #tagteambackagain

I made t-shirts of my catch phrase.

Hey it’s Jens Lekman. #jenslekman #purenorwegiandeathmetal

Sometimes dead is better.

I’ve never seen anyone land a skateboard trick in real life.

My wristwatch functions to a depth of 25 meters underwater. I will never take my wristwatch deeper than my basement. I am the 1%.

CASTLE RAT. Everything is forever in this realm. #castlerat

Whoever programs the radio at the Jersey City ShopRite is crushing it. Heard @nickfromislands.bsky.social and @tedleo.bsky.social yesterday while I was buying grapes.

SNÕÕPER #gonerfest

DUMMY #gonerfest

OPTIC SINK #gonerfest

RADIOACTIVITY #gonerfest

TINA!!! #gonerfest

SLEEVEENS #gonerfest

THE HYPOS #gonerfest

DES DEMONAS #gonerfest

GOTOBEDS #gonerfest

W.I.T.C.H. #gonerfest

TEE VEE REPAIRMAN #gonerfest

LOTHARIO #gonerfest

EXBATS

I’m cool with replacing Chekhov’s Gun with @scumbelievable.bsky.social Felker-Martin’s Dangerfield.

“We Didn’t Start the Fire” truly, truly sucks.

If “prove me wrong” doesn’t become internet shorthand for “just shoot me”, I swear to god I’ll prove me wrong.

I was so sad when The Giggler got shot in Death Wish 3.

I can’t be the only person who does his French Duolingo every day holding a glass of wine and a cigarette and surrendering to German Duolingo.

Every now and then, I remember (and then immediately forget) that the song “Happy Together” is played during the turtle paratrooper attack sequence of “Ernest Goes to Camp” because that song is by the Turtles, and Ernest’s musical director was a garage rocker. #ripmarkvolman #ernestgoestocamp

I’m going to start calling dudes “hoss”, but real condescending like.

Kid Rock is too scared to duel me.

We need to bring back duels. I’d be the new Kid Rock in a second.

Doberman Pinschers are fucking mean. What kind of a monster pinsches a dog?

I slept like shit last night. Anyone else wake up this morning in a wastewater treatment facility?

“Radar Love” is the greatest song ever written about radars.

Golden Earring’s Greatest Hits album is an hour long, but it’s fifty-five minutes of lies.

I’m afraid of my arm.