At the same time?

*In GOB* Oh COME ON! You pissed away your chance at possibly becoming a TMNT villain?!

Fer cryin' out loud.

And you wonder why you have that recurring dream where your teeth fall out.

"Where did you get that penguin?" "Fell off the back of a truck."

Wait, you can do that?

Ever wonder if customer service call centers were designed to actually *not* help customers? If so, you're right to wonder!

It always weirds me out when there's a pet in the background of a porno. Like, are you seriously going to just fuck in front of your cat?

I wouldn't be surprised to learn that Col. Hogan is related to the Mavericks.

"Sniper tourism" is one of the reasons I wrote Poor Bastards and Rich Fucks. Now a bunch of Italian rich fucks have been caught doing just that, but they're not the only ones. I wonder which US rich fucks went to Sarajevo to shoot helpless people for kicks.

No, this happens five seconds after I wake up every day.

A customer just said dadgummit to me. Like, for real. He said it like he meant it.

Jesus.

You know what sucks? Driving at 60 mph when the sun makes a sudden blazing appearance in front of you, and you go into a sneezing fit.

I should frame this meme.

I took a break from shows to watch a string of kickass movies, but now it's time for the next series. A story narrated by Prometheus with Jeff Goldblum as Zeus? Yes, it's time for Kaos.

HE COULDN'T EVEN WAIT TWO MORE DAYS?

Are you sure that he didn't start writing this note before Jack showed up to ask that question?

I woke up, looked outside and saw no snow. Just a crisp frost. As I drove in to work, though, it looks like everyone else got snow, snarling traffic up. It's weird that I live so far out that we didn't get snow, but work did. I'll have to keep that in mind in the future.

Nachos would rule right now.

Hogan made a pretty good joke while killing someone on today's Hogan's Heroes. It was the punchline to the episode, laugh track and all.

I have a policy of never buying anything off of social media. This link made me grateful for that. I'm sure all platforms do this, but Facebook? It's par for the course for a company that started so Harvard men could non-consensually rate the fuckability of their classmates.

Have you ever gone to the grocery store? It's because they are.

Honest.

76? Those who are trapped in a conversation with me *wish* it was only 76.

Tee-hee!

Father Malachy is on today's episode of Hogan's Heroes. He's an American pretending to be a Nazi filmmaker so he can escape to the Allies with Hitler's playbook.

Is this like a Dutch rudder?

That's still pretty far.

After all the memes? This ending seems inevitable.

It's been months since I had to explain time zones to an adult. I just had to do that, and it wasn't fun.

Yeah, but he's also the same guy who wore a hat to keep the rain off his head on *Ceres* so . . .

GOOD MORNING, FUCKERS!-ISH #10 (with free stuff!)

Anytime Maga Daddy gets asked a question he doesn't want to answer out of fear that he might incriminate himself.

Hm. Well, I *do* love me some lasagna.

There are some pretty big rumors circulating about me, and I want to put them to rest once and for all. Yes, I did it. I apologize to all who may have been hurt by my actions. It is with great humility that I must confess . . . I saw Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot! in the theater.

Conceptual Genius Goes As Self For Halloween https://theonion.com/conceptual-genius-goes-as-self-for-halloween-1819578390/

It started raining just in time for the trick or treaters to hit the streets. The tradition continues . . .

There’s this school thing on the fridge that says like force and motion, push and pull, gravity, friction, etc...and every time I see the word friction I think it says erection.

No, more like pre-nut confusion, which explains a lot of Benny Hill's stuff.

Today's Hogan's Heroes displays some of the greatest psychological manipulation I've seen since Maverick and Burn Notice. Hogan may be an insane genius.

Mine is, naturally, Zardoz.

A true hero.

Baa-aa-aa-aa jeez.

Anyone else see Best Seller starring Brian Dennehy? An odd crime movie with James Woods as a creepy killer with a heart of gold. Kind of.

Then you've been murdered by said unreliable narrator. As your attorney, I advise you to not worry about it.

I can't tell you how much mileage I got out of this since I started wearing glasses at the age of 8. I'm 47 now.

As a treat.

Accompanied a friend to Target and saw the paperback of @stephenking.bsky.social’s You Like It Darker at the checkout. Then I read the top quote. My words on the cover of a King book. Kid me had a moment, y’all. Hah.

John Dehner is on today's episode of Hogan's Heroes. He's playing a horny Nazi, but to me he'll always be known as the grown man who cried because Bret Maverick tricked him.