guess who’s finally ready to 📣 quit her job 📣

garazeb orrelios my beloved

just experienced the first time a cop has ever been helpful (picked up a box of oatmeal cream pies off the ground and handed them to me)

angels are real and they are among us 🙂‍↕️

2 week update. Lady has been integrated into the black dog hivemind

guy who will fight me for literally any reason, but for some reason this is chill

shout out to lola for making me think she was missing, and then making me think that she died

ceo on a call reassuring everyone that our investment in AI is good and it’s NOT a bubble so I just started sending this to everyone on teams without comment

i hate it when i'm stressed out about something for days or weeks and then someone comes along and is like, "Hey, have you noticed this pit has a slowly descending pendulum?"

will has upgraded from Fear And Avoidance to Cautious Disgust. we call this progress

wished for years that my shitty boss would get fired and I wouldn’t have to work for her anymore. and now she’s about to get fired and I’ve been moved under someone much worse… the monkey’s paw comes for us all in the end

gremlin ears..

*touches earpiece* a third black dog has hit the farm

what is he accusing me of here

contemplating peanut

was attacked. in my own field

imagine society if we had more than one nesting box

big day on beau’s bird feeder tv

going to become the first person to see the hat man from benadryl topical gel

snake…

EGG EATER 🫵🏻

accidentally leaking confidential information by joining a meeting with my Merlin app running in the background

hotel “upgraded” me to a room with a haunted staircase and a murphy bed 👍🏻

nobody move

had a dream that i met a french aristocrat named horse d’ewormer

if i had a nickel for every time an emily axford character had an. excessive. reaction to kissing i’d have two nickels which isn’t much but etc etc

in this economy??

inventing a farm animal that feeds itself

leverage season 5 episode 9 the rundown job is a love story

trying to open the treat pantry with the power of his mind

jonah was supposed to come home next weekend but now he MAY be coming home today which is cool but also will play out like this

paddington time…

valentine’s day plans when jonah is out of town

my mom’s seen paddington and we’re going to see paddington 3 this weekend. when i told her paddington goes to prison in paddington 2 i don’t think she believed me

my two work besties are getting really into chatgpt… don’t go where i can’t follow. please

listening to the stardew valley soundtrack while frantically hunched over my computer and contemplating death. he’s just like me fr

what was the point of scoring that last touchdown… to cost me, specifically, $480? sure

sexting jonah (sec texting)

i miss the other app because i could complain about work in detail on a private account. anyway a coworker i hate is trying to convince my boss that we should all return to office and i’m trying to google “is murder legal”

got a good grade in horse weight today 👍

gonna watch section 31 because i enjoy suffering

cannot get any work done because the chickadees keep thunking onto my bird feeder

doomscrolling! at the ob/gyn

every 6 weeks pearl must experience The Horrors (beak trim)

was just asked for some work documentation from 1999… when i was neurodivergent and a minor?? you legally cannot ask me that

open new tab lola licking me why does horse lick leg horse licking threat? are mares carnivores

strange man standing in field staring at me send help

THE UNCONTINENTED STARS, a queer(er) sci-fi reimagining of MOBY-DICK, is now available! Xenobiologists on an exoplanet frontier tour find their mission derailed by their captain's quest for revenge against the deep-space organism that nearly killed him. 💙📚🌈 books2read.com/uncontinented

record snowfall on the gulf coast. more likely than you’d think

nice