i'm guessing that if i want to make jellyfin work in any place that's not my house i'm going to have to actually host my own server huh

ok so ghost isn't coming back to pittsburgh, which does make sense, but they will be in ohio in february, which isn't outrageous traveling-wise, but it does suggest i'd need to take some days off work and idk if i want to do that for a show i've already seen

i'm going to stop diet posting because no one particularly needs that in their feeds, but i am feeling good that i've gotten my metabolism and appetite to a seemingly pretty healthy place, where i'm able to go out to dinner, get what i want, and not instantly gain five pounds

in a new first for me, i went out for wings with a friend and got full before i finished. i feel like a new woman

i liked the part where she tried implying that if she had correctly addressed my (probably) undiagnosed autism maybe i would have been "more comfortable" being male

the more i write up notes for therapy tomorrow the more i'm just like how the fuck are we supposed to move past this. i didn't even post about the worst parts, i'm realizing

i think the thing that's really grinding my gears is how she kept insisting that she would always love me but also probably always be grieving but when i'd try to pivot to some sort of i know it's hard but hopefully we can find acceptance she'd be like i just can't understand it

i am trying so hard not to angry post through this but ugggh. "what if you came over and i said i'm going to transition and be a man and i'm your dad now. you'd be so upset wouldn't you?" no i think i might slip up sometimes but actually i would support you? which is what i want you to do?????

talked to my mom and it went about as badly as i expected yaaaay 😔

little girl you're awfully close

went out yesterday on a very long date and i am having to confront the idea that somehow i am passing in spite of everything. i'm fucking baffled

is there anything more powerful than wearing another girl's clothes?

thing also lined up so that today's Meg's adoption anniversary! she's my second semi-feral cat, coming from a colony rescue a county over, and getting her to warm up has been a whole process, but she's such a princess you have to love her

god i hate that spotify knows me so well

double celebration today! first is my baby boy Zach's birthday. he's come a long way from getting pulled out of a hole behind a kroger. most of my friends have never seen him but he's such a snuggly boy, even if he's really bad at sitting in a lap

reaching a point where a lot of the first clothes i bought in transition are just too big but also i don't have the time/budget to replace them success?

teaching her how to replace a disk drive

today's shot really felt like it was going to hurt but then never did. super weird vibes, 7/10, estrogen acquired for the week

doing some supreme tier self-care and switching to the light flannel sheets

happy increasingly unfamiliar feeling of facial hair dysphoria bc it's laser day!

the return of linux paige is shortly upon us (if i can ever decide on a distro)

my plan to clean out my closet by getting rid of all the clothes that don't fit has been severely hampered by recent weight loss

i think it would be fun to just say the rapture did happen and it only got like friend of a friend type people

this feels like a confession that there is a connection between autism and tylenol now that i read it again, just not quite like that

i've been annoying about acetaminophen for years for liver-related reasons so Thanks Trump for taking yet another thing away from me

autumnal equinox tarot spread suggests i'm going to spend the next months Going Through It so i apologize in advance!

in case anyone wondered why ffs is a medically necessary procedure i just made myself sad imagining getting married and not being able to look at any of the pictures

i really have no idea what separates good face days and bad face days

replacing a disk drive is baby shit for babies but ngl it is very satisfying to have done it competently with no issues

Disney adults canceling subscriptions, vacations, etc really are making the Harry Potter adults that threw a fit over a $60 video game look like huge bitches

please, my grimoire ;_;

there's something really apropos about my tarot book being full of black cat hair because zach won't stop pestering me while i try to fill it in

getting real deep down a rabbit hole for astrology/tarot links

i will always go fuckin wild if kevin gates comes on

you took the words right out of my mouth just came on and i'm about to BE everyone's problem

you're my inspiration just came on and i'm about to make it everyone's problem

jesus christ i'm at the bar meeting some friends' husband's and honestly how does anyone stomach men

cannot find my good mascara and i am coming apart

for real though having finally learned to do ok eyeliner i've gained such an appreciation for the art of doing a good eye. by the time i find a job i can actually can be out i will have hopefully learned to do a decent wing

complimenting all my female coworkers' eye makeup so they at least know i'm not straight

envy really is the most corrosive of the sins

realizing that making X consistently is really hard actually

washing the sheets: Haha fuck yeah!!! yes!! putting sheets back on the bed: well this fucking sucks. what the fuck.

i don't think there's a longer feeling amount of time than the 20 minutes between "i'm still starving and need to eat until i die" and "wow actually i wasn't really that hungry after all"

the drive home tonight was exactly equal to famous last words and what a way to pull in at the end of the night

bell beast on the third try (really second if you don't count the horrific actual second run back) isn't exceptional but i don't think it's that bad either

therapist: and make sure to do something kind for yourself tonight me: does getting jason mraz stuck in my head count? therapist, with an exasperated sigh: NO

you know it's a great therapy session when your therapist asks you, back to back, "have you considered taking FMLA?" and "have you considered taking medications?" i'm not going through it at all

in a race against time and god to get coffee before therapy

new need unlocked: someone to put their foot on my back and yank that thing in and tell me how pretty i am while i gasp