THAT’S where I left it.

I think I must’ve left the gate open and got my whole village slain by the Mongols in a past life the way I worry about leaving the door unlocked despite never having done so.

The barista who just announced “Megan, here’s your oat milk cappuccino” is the only person who I have heard say anything that makes a damn ounce of sense in a fortnight.

This looks like it was designed to make the kind of person who’s predisposed to abuse solvents think it’s badass.

1. This is one of the most insane statements ever delivered by a presidential spokesperson in U.S. history. Totally disconnected from reality. 2. There is either going to be a civil war or abject Democratic surrender to autocracy. They are telling this you, to your face, in explicit terms.

Greetings ICE Social Media Monitors! Come for the thoughtcrimes, stay for the typo-riddled jokes.

AI is going to ensure that no artists or performers ever get rich again. Only business people who do business should have piles of money: that’s why they went into business instead of the arts.

Making your audience mistake correlation for causation is how magic tricks work. On and off stage.

I had the name “Chris-y ‘Misterdemeanor’ Elliot” pop into my head, so now you have read it. I am so sorry, but this is a capricious & unjust universe.

I hope you all have your rapture outfit picked out for tomorrow. Call me basic, but I’m going with flowing white garments.

No, YOU cried watching a Superman movie. I mean, I’m not surprised if you did. Because I just did.

Content warning about the “GG Allin - All in the Family” documentary: at 10:51 someone rings Merle Allin’s doorbell & my dogs thought it was our doorbell and barked for five solid minutes. Just goes to show you that GG is still a provocative artist even years after his death.

6 episodes in, and we have @jasonsims.bsky.social joining us to talk about biblical casual dining, draculas, and everything in between.

It’s the guns. But they seem to be a pillar so foundational to the structure of Americaness that it cannot exist without them. Even if it kills us. It’s the guns. It’s our country. It’s us.

Sometimes I feel less like a fully-formed human being and more like a crew of mice trying to drive a man-sized Voltron.

The extent to which these maniacs are documenting and broadcasting all the things that will make their names future curse words is a small consolation but I’ll take what I can get.

People who think it's excessive to have enough nuclear weapons to blow up the Earth multiple times are gonna feel pretty silly if we discover a bunch of other Earths we need to blow up.

"Sincerely" comes from the Latin for "With Cereal," a hold-over from the ancient practice of including one of those little boxes of cereal with a missive for the recipient to enjoy while reading.

The policies that the MAGA GOP are instituting across the country, especially the ones related to health and the environment, lead me to the conclusion that poor people aren’t dying fast enough for Peter Thiel’s Dark Enlightenment timetable.

I don’t know about this new Entourage reboot.

I wish the GOP cared as much about innocent people dying from gun violence as they do about being disgusted by the mere presence of unhoused people.

“Fighting crime” is one of the easiest holes to drive an authoritarian truck* through. Even if it’s exaggerated or completely fabricated. We are watching it happen. *A truck filled with armed masked men & people bound with zip ties.

The conservative outrage over changing the Cracker Barrel logo makes sense when you realize it stems from the implication that a person should expect to retire (even after almost 50 years on the job.)

Attn Spuds: The Netflix Devo Doc was good.

I love how a person tossed a bone to a wolf on some glacier 20,000 years ago and that’s why I’m sitting here with my dog cradled in the crook of my arm like a lil baby while we watch Mr. Robot on Netflix.

Glad my wife & didn’t get hit by the Mercedes SUV w/a “We The People” front tag driven by a white boomer failing to yield to pedestrians in a parking lot this morning mainly because it’s a too on the nose way to die in 2025.

This “anti-DEI, pro-merit”regime is like The Avengers of falling up. A total kakistocracy.

Podcast bros walked so they could run.

Verhoeven’s Starship Troopers hits different in 2025.

They call Alabama the Crimson Tide, call me

These maniacs are stripping our country and its institutions for parts like it all belongs to them. It’s past time to show them it doesn’t.

Legit just floated across my workplace nose-first into the break room following the aroma of freshly brewed coffee like a cartoon mouse pursuing cheese.

Look, some say Tommy Tuberville is America’s Dumbest Senator™, but it’s not really giving him the full recognition he deserves for also being an enormous xenophobe & racist.

Tonight at Saturn in B’ham: This smart, funny show featuring some of Alabama’s funniest (and me) is YOUR chance to ask the questions politicians are too scared to answer. Info at TownHallShow.com

You must be Sensitive but resilient Like the diaphragm of a microphone Transparent but sealed Like a camera lens Sharp but bleeding Like a pen If you want To make Art With depth.

Tfw Christine? One muffin?

When the two most toxic people you know start hanging out.

Some people are still so mad that a black person got to be president one time that they are willing to tank the whole country and abandon democracy so it never happens again.

“This is my favorite movie,” me, two minutes & 35 seconds into my first viewing of Zardoz.

Attn funny friends who wanna fight the good fight. laughingimpact.org

Everything online is garbage except when people update their Nextdoor posts about lost pets with the good news that they have been reunited with their people.

Celebrate Ginger Rogers’ birthday by doing everything you usually do but backwards in heels.

How far are we from an official government social media account posting the 14 Words? Six months?

This image represents the peak of our culture, now sliding towards its nadir.

Apple: No bad guys may be seen using our products. Microsoft: And they’re basically the Klan? OK. How many Surfaces do you need?

The sociopaths who put profit over people continue to be poor stewards of our planet and callously dangerous to their fellow beings. Who could’ve seen that coming?

MA🤡A

Well, I hope it turns out we live in a magical gumdrop meadow where trickle down economics works. Start canning food, I guess.