apparently i have to deal with other people’s “bad experiences with people with BPD”. i don’t see why that’s my problem and why i should be the one where those experiences are applicable.

i almost died because of rett’s behavior. yet he feels no remorse or guilt or shame. how can someone betray someone so completely like that? how can someone behave so viciously toward someone? how do i live with the fact that someone treated me like that? that he faced no consequences?

i’m gonna start planning for the next things in my transition: —earrings —septum piercing —laser hair removal of facial hair (need to save up money) —more consistent body hair removal —restart HRT injections —skin care routine —nails —clothes

going to the autistic mixer at the public library!!!

i’m revising my paper for submission. here is an excerpt of new text.

new glasses

Any critical analysis of power reveals how individuals are dependent on power relations that enmesh the life activities and processes of every bodymind.

Climate change obliterates the idea that we have any independence/self-control. All our fates and physical biology are bound to the same biosphere. You cannot be independent of what a truck driver emits, or what a barbecue restaurant consumes, or what Exxon Mobil drills.

The model of social relations, according to which we are self-contained units, with the mind responsible for everything in the operations of the individual unit, follows the neoliberal vision of society as made up of millions of enterprises. Every individual is an enterprise, and every mind is a CEO

It is unethical to chastise a person for their dependency when you occupy a higher end of a power relation with them or exist with more privilege than they do. The vision of independent, self-contained subjects presumes equivalent, interchangeable capacities and a universal subject position.

Dependency is HEALTHY when there are precarities at play - like age, disability, poverty and structural deprivation. We impose an anti-dependency view even in cases like the dementia of a parent or the chronic illness of a spouse. 1/2

Dependency has been practiced successfully and in a healthy way in other cultures, time periods, and social groups. We have to ask if codependence sometimes leads to harm because of something innate to the state of dependence or because of the rampant self-interest of one person.

Dependency has been practiced successfully and in a healthy way in other cultures, time periods, and social groups. We have to ask if codependence sometimes leads to harm because of something innate to the state of dependence or because of the rampant self-interest of one person.

before you decry codependence, study the ways in which other cultures and other time periods in the West conceived and practiced the mutual implication which forms the basic condition of any kind of social relationality.

everything you know about how relationships (should) function is largely born out of Western experiences of colonialism, capitalism, eugenics, gender binarism, and white supremacy. it is a very historically specific and culturally relative vision of connection, kinship, and intimacy.

i'm an idealist. i don't believe the received social experience of personality disorders, despite how immediate it seems, is fatalistically the sole experience we can possibly fashion together as personality disorder-diagnosed, sane, and other Mad people, inescapably tethered together in sociality.

"People diagnosed or labeled with a personality disorder, whose emotional and social differences emerge from childhood trauma, *should* disorient us. It is our obligation to reorient toward a world in which their experiences of abuse are cared for,... 1/2

i’m revising my paper for submission. here is an excerpt of new text.

i’m a fierce loving sun.

i’m a fierce loving sun.

new glasses

me in college when was just a lil ole twink

easiest ways for me to get gender euphoria: a trans woman calling me sis or sister or a hot trans guy calling me princess

me in college when was just a lil ole twink

i’m just tired of ruining and ultimately losing every relationship i touch. there is something horribly wrong with me.

if you’re tired of people transvestigating, then you should be tired of people PDvestigating every Bad Person they encounter.

trans people are a trillion times more interesting than cis people. we have more interesting personalities.

like always i ruin whatever goodwill people have for me by being a crazy girl :(

i want to be flawed. i want to allow myself to be flawed — the first step to claim agency over them. i want others to allow me have flaws & to work openly & vulnerably through them — without the pressure to fit the mold of the kind and sweet bunny to whom redemption is self-sacrifice, not safety.

it is an immediate red flag when i see someone only cooing about how sweet and kind i am while not allowing me all my flaws. you are fetishizing me. and you are setting the ideological ground to use, exploit, and abuse me.

i’m tired of being flattened as the poor helpless sacrificial lamb who nuzzles even the farmer who beats her. if you love that i’m kind and sweet, you must step into any relationship with me recognizing that i breathe fire too and i have limits and massive wounds which require sweetness too.

i’m tired of people fetishizing me as kind, sweet, hyperempathetic person while ignoring my vulnerabilities, limits, and flaws. seeing me as only kind/sweet, loving me for that reason is the same reason Rett manipulated and used me. he used me for my sweetness but didn’t allow my flaws and limits.

yes i can very sweet and kind but i can also be angry and hateful. if you love the former part of me while not attending to or caring for latter, you cut me into pieces and dehumanize my whole complexity as an injured form of life.

if you knew enough about my BPD behaviors, i guarantee you would not love me. if you experienced some of them, you would not want to be my friend. you do not know me. don’t pretend you love a sanitized, more sane version of my BPD — the debilitated, not the insane. i mean it when i say i’m insane.

i’m convinced you do not know what it means to accept and understand a borderline. you profess your love without knowing an ounce about what it means to care for someone with BPD. you don’t have ur eyes open and you blame us when you realize your high opinion of your pro-Mad ethics was overstated.

nothing wrong with “narcissist” either. we tend to call every harmful person a narcissist in a very colloquial and uncritical.

ever since my overdose and being on the ventilator, i experience random moments in which my airways constrict and i feel an intense shortness of breath and like my choking. idk if that’s normal.

no one wants a fucking crazy girl.

I have no money and don't get paid for three days. Please help www.paypal.me/JTAYLO20

Please help out my girlfriend!!!!!

ko-fi.com/post/Love-Le... Chapter two is up! You and your friend start reading the letters, the pyrate writes about his childhood in this one.

Every day I give away pieces of me until I’m an outline with a pulse.

yet the anti-woke crowd wants to erase emotional “fragility” from fictional works — maybe the first lesson any child or adult must learn is the fragility of human life and its profound ability to exist within fracture.

Kids need/deserve traumatic films. Films that show death or lasting consequences that aren't resolved almost instantly. Fear, anger, grief and frustration should be part of kids movies. Kids arent stupid, they feel big emotions just like adults, they deserve to see those experiences reflected back.

part of me hopes there is a hell so that those like Lindsey Graham and Mitch McConnell who never got what they deserved but brought hell to people in this mortal plane who didn’t deserve it receive their karmic justice. at least i hope they reincarnate as a snail and a French person eats them.

if anyone wants to befriend me, ask me for my discord.

i love ma boobs

every time a republican dies my tranny boobs grow larger