I can't decide if I'm going to watch the SOTU tonight or take a power drill to my forehead

@drewtoothpaste.bsky.social you have a fan

I set mine to blare “There’s a fuckin loser in our midst!” in the Bruce McGill “Wipe that smirk off your face!” growl

Hearing the fact that the Cybertruck is the most life-threatening car ever sold is going to give every shithead who bought one an 8-hour hard on. fuelarc.com/evs/its-offi...

Searching for a gif of Diane Lane snarling "That's JUDGE Bitch!" while beating someone's ass in that Stallone Judge Dredd mess. No reason.

And now: Your moment of zen www.theguardian.com/music/2026/f...

In a normal year, this would be a significant snow event in Northern Virginia. In 2026 this ain't shit.

My birthday present to myself is a ticket to see SUNN O))) the day before. It’s possible my actual birthday present will be tinnitus.

The Gen X urge to bloody your hands on a cactus tree

The GenX urge to slap me on the patio

I declare this to be International Humorless Scold Day. I expect pushback on this because, honestly, you fucking people...

Can't. Following the smoke to the riff-filled land.

The worst part is the movie goes on for weeks but never finishes. COMIC ◆ www.smbc-comics.com/comic/wife-2 PATREON ◆ www.patreon.com/ZachWeinersm... STORE ◆ smbc-store.myshopify.com

Ash Wednesday is always good for a jump scare the first time I see someone with hangover face and and a crude sigil on their forehead

Happy Lunar New Year! We've curated a special little collection for all your fire and horse-themed needs 🔥🐎 topatoco.com/collections/...

The point is now truly moot

In Silence of the Lambs, book and movie, they acknowledge in dialogue that trans people aren't violent, but go on to state Buffalo Bill only *thinks* he's trans. Does that make anyone feel better? Yeah, I don't think it should.

Not great with the whole "buying up unwanted warehouses for concentration camps" thing but if they actually start issuing warrants for the Epstein Files, they will need a fucking shitload of holding cells. I'm fine with Bill Clinton and Steve Bannon sleeping on some damp cement floors.

If ever there were words to live by

Bezos is trolling Elon with tortoise pics. Someone has clearly sold Lord Jeff on splicing in Galapagos tortoise genes so he can be immortal. I live for this. I want him plodding around a zoo enclosure for 100 years chewing up kale leaves.

Current Mood

It didn't happen on Valentine's Day, which would have been great. It can still happen on President's Day, and if we miss that, there's Mardi Gras. This four-day stretch is such a prime window for it.

Brownshirt, meet Brown Hoodie

The list of movies I haven't seen at least 8 times is a lot shorter. I'm currently re-watching Untold Stories of the ER, a 13-season slurry of zero budget lunacy. I've seen every single ep a minimum of 5 times.

If a djinn gave me 3 wishes, I'd ask for a remaster of Lark's Tongues in Aspic with all the stupid sound FX and kindergarten percussion stripped out. Then I'd ask for it to happen. Then I would wish the djinn free.

I welcome the coming of our Ray Hog Overlords

I know the man's last public act was getting out-boxed by a fucking "influencer", but this is still a degrading step down

Please, please, please: Can it happen on President's Day? So we can celebrate every year. President's Day could use some juicing up as a holiday.

Thursday Mood

I finished all 7 units of Duolingo Chess and I'm still hopeless. Going to start over and pay attention this time. Yes, I wish I could do this with almost every aspect of my life. I have a roster of ex-girlfriends who should be grateful to the universe that I'm stuck doing this with a chess app.

I want to sue for damages over that headline

From my year: Lori Denniberg (Pearl from SpongeBob)

Somebody tell Elon that his supergenius idea got stolen by time-traveling film makers www.youtube.com/watch?v=Py_I...

Grok, write me a poem in the style of Gil-Scott Heron cueing off the line "Drug-Addled Nazi on the Moon"

Do we need to be told that wandering around wearing tac gear, weighted gloves, and a ski mask in a suburban neighborhood in AZ where it is 70 degrees in February is suspicious AF? Walking around Tucson with a holstered pistol is the least sus element of that video.

Age verification? We had a smoking area at my high school

Post a banger that is not in English? Hey, es ist wie es wirklich ist: www.youtube.com/watch?v=JxlT...

What was the fucking point of trotting out Ghislaine Maxwell so she could give zero testimony about anything? Are they just shuffling her around in hopes that she has some sort of unfortunate accident in custody or in transport?

I'm not going to walk the halls of my apartment building vandalizing Ring doorbells. I would never do such a thing and you'd better have ironclad proof before you accuse me. The nerve...

Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension

Catching up on Drag Race and looking forward to the worst Snatch Game since season 14

Hey Women's snowboarding is on and it's frickin awesome

Here's wishing Bobby a SuperBowel Impaction

How much of Melania's flat affect and robotic presence is attributable to the trauma of being trafficked to a series of abusers? I'm not doing a bit here, I'm thinking she was broken and finally sided with the monsters.

Everybody knows what happens when you let one fucking Nazi drink at your bar.

Daily Reminder the Luddite sabotage is the right way to resist corporate abuse and involuntary labor. So go slap a sock bomb on the side of a Waymo like it's a Nazi tank. You heard me.

Disassociating to avoid thinking about the inevitable Fallout Boy

Clarification: The citizens of Surprise, AZ are not "noice"-ing the proposed concentration camp outside their town. It's a kerning issue.

Loot that drops after defeating me: -flashlight -dogwalker -3 multimeters that are identical except for one function -3 homemade fuzz pedals that mostly work -10 reflective slap bands

Is there any way in which Kid Rock is not a piece of shit? I'm genuinely curious. He's a bottom-of-the-barrel musician and performer, he's a slumming rich kid cosplaying his fantasy of trailer trash stupid, and he looks like chlamydia had a baby with a gas station hot dog. And he's a bootlicker.