Oh man guess who just spent an hour in a work meeting explaining to a bunch of managers and directors why requiring legal names on badges is both discriminatory *and* illegal and fielding every dumb "but what about" objection out there.

We. Can. Build. A. World. Where. We. Do. Not. Mock. People’s. Physical. Appearance. (Or ability! Ahem!) This includes size. AND clothing choices. Hair. Makeup. Even, yes, body modifications. What matters, for the 28295282th time, is people's words & actions. What they say & do.

Just had someone I'd been talking to on discord a few weeks back message me after not hearing from them for several days: "I know about the abusive things you did and I don't want to be with you in any way, ever." Blocked me, then deleted that a few mins later. What the actual hell? I'm so confused.

Going to quietly admit here that I'm having some issues with dysmorphia with all of the fanart of Jax that's popping up now because like yeah damn, absolutely beautiful, but once again, another rail-thin femme trans girl. I really wish there was more art of beautiful fat trans girls with big bellies

Oh hey I'm starting to notice the warning signs when my brain is threatening to go on a spiral. That's...progress? Hmm, actually, yeah, it is. Now, the next step is figuring out what to *do* about it. How does one preempt a self-loathing spiral, or at least prepare to deal with it safely?

Look, I'm not saying, but I'm just saying, all things considered, it is extremely amusing to me specifically that Jax uses a Chiappa Rhino at one point in TADC Ep. 6.

Repost if you look like this or if you want to look like this or if you love people who look like this

Jax if she wasn't a huge piece of shit.

Cool, can't sleep either, now.

I don't feel good :(

Sorry for crashoutposting again. I will probably continue to do it on a regular basis, but I'm at least *trying* to develop better coping skills with my therapist to help me get through the crashouts in less self-destructive ways.

I need everyone to fucking despise me and hate me and loathe me and stop trying to like me or talk to me or be nice to me I need to burn every bridge I need to be completely alone and hated so I can finally stop feeling fucking guilty about fucking everything and finally just fucking die

I'd really like to have literally a single hobby or interest that doesn't make me feel like a complete fucking moron every time I try to actually do anything.

Yes, I'm "perfectly safe" with you~♡

Talking to my plural girlfriend about breaking her protector alt and remaking it into a secret backdoor that *thinks* it's still the same but actually will turn traitor at the drop of a trigger and help me abuse the rest of her alts. Gods, neurodivergent Love is so much fun~

"on a nice dry day, if you don’t clean silicone sex toys right away the lube and body fluid mixture dries into a crust that will flake off if you flex the toy. We should normalize collecting these flakes into a little bowl and calling it 'tgirl finishing salt'" My girlfriend, everyone~

Oh shit. Oh shit I think I'm gonna post~ Uuuuggjgggjjjjjhhhhh!! "I honestly think most puppygirls are only doing it for the attention."

"Damn, someday I hope I have the confidence and self-assuredness to rape a girl in real life..." ...Zoey, no, that's not...I mean okay I *get* it, I know what you mean, but there's probably a better way to phrase it? Anyways, who wants to get raped?

"Trump's secretly gay" exists solely as a way to Other him, to say "he's not one of us, he's one of THEM". It's a way to blame minorities for our own elimination. People have been saying Hitler was really gay or Jewish for 80 years. You're not clever. You're just saying queers deserve what we get.

Reading this and thinking "is it in single action or double action?" Because one of those scenarios is over *much* faster than the other...

oh ur a snuffbait puppygirl? *feeds u chocolate*

Lol, you know, when you mute and hide basically every discord server you're in, discord ends up being a lot quieter >.>

At this point, I genuinely believe the entire public is being actively gaslit by both the media, and Esther Ghey herself, into forgetting that Brianna Ghey was murdered, by people she knew from school, in real life, who were partly influenced by transphobia, fuelled by the media and politicians.

"Gotta sell out and make more money so I can afford a nice little girl dungeon" - me, just now

Gods, my headspace is just....I can't even figure it out myself. Content but also frustrated and sad but also playful and flirty but also burned out and annoyed but also loving and caring but also isolated but also...anyways, I should maybe eat something, I guess.

Oh lol the bad brain snuck in and now it's sitting there trying not to get noticed

I've made the most cursed thing because I was told to, I'm sorry @kallidorarho.bsky.social

Need someone to lock me out of this account so I can't keep posting, or scrolling.

I wish I was the kind of messy disaster queer people find alluring and endearing, instead of the kind who's just uncomfortable to be around and generally irritating.

I'd say at least this particular crash out is happening poetically, but I'm well aware that my writing is shit, especially my poetry, so, hah.

I don't know what I want. I want to not be *this*.

I want to be loved. I want to be dead.

I want to be saved. I want to be worth saving. I want to be forgotten. I want to be rescued. I want to be left alone. I want to be acknowledged. I want to be appreciated. I want to be cut loose. I want to be unneeded. I want to be unwanted. I want to be celebrated. I want to be humanely destroyed.

I fucking hate everything and everyone. God fucking dammit. I'm so tired. I'm so alone. I'm so fucking pointless.

I am so fucking bitter about the fact that I'm not allowed to kill myself. Like, I know I'm not. I don't even really feel suicidal ideation anymore. I just wish I could. It's really fucking unfair that I can't.

It was never worth trying in the first place, was it?

Gods I am so fucking tired of not being hot enough, interesting enough, or anything enough. I just fade into the fucking background, forgotten and insignificant, because nothing about me is worthwhile enough to actually grab anyone's attention. Fucking whatever.

It's once again time for a "I wish I was hot" afternoon. Great.

Gods I'm feeling needy for attention right now 😅

Ope, I am apparently fixating hard on being captured, restrained, made totally helpless, and humiliated/abused/dehumanized for a nice lil while 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 don't wanna be a person, wanna be a pathetic thing. No talking, no thinking, no rights, just...used.

I think I have figured out that the vague sense of fucky brain I'm feeling is in fact a low-key paranoia that I am Fucking Things Up and Making People Mad At Me and also probably Missing Out On Opportunities. There's no evidence to support any of this, but my brain is really worried about it.

Oh neat the good brain cells won this time. Fuck yeah fat trans women.

Thinking about how I could really go for a scene with some quality fear and anticipation and coersion but not as much actual physical pain. Need to be made to be small and pathetic and scared and used as a mindless toy. Need to be threatened and controlled and played with. Need to be ego-death'd. 🫠

Ughhhhhh would be really really nice if my brain could stop just like randomly falling into various flavors of Drop tonight. Extra annoying because I don't feel like I have much in the way of spoons to chat, but I also really want someone to pay attention to me and pull me into a conversation >.>

Really wondering if I'm ever going to be anywhere near okay again -_- Doesn't feel like it at all :/

Gender-affirming care for minors is not a bad thing. It’s been so needlessly demonized and the position has been so thoroughly capitulated to that I think people forget it’s actually a good thing. A Grammy award winning artist had gender affirming surgery at 16. It’s a great thing!

I'ma go one further and say this means "the law as we know it" has always been a lie and the system is in fact working as intended, ensuring certain people are always vulnerable to the government, and certain people are always protected from it. Yada yada the purpose of a system is what it does...

There's something really special about hearing two women you love getting ~acquainted~ in bed together while you're up and doing other things around the house, especially when it was very up in the air if they'd find themselves interested in each other that way. Warms my heart so much though 🥰🥰🥰

Oh neat apparently now subbing for pain and impact and biting play is just triggering me and making me freak out with anxiety rather than making me feel good. So that's awesome. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck why do I just keep getting worse and worse and worse?