Yeah i would love to go to the smelly bar from hell where they play the worst music youve ever heard how did you know?

Loooove cursing people who are mean like… cant wait until your toenails fall off

Killing the inventor of steampunk

Alcoholic roommate has made it so i cant use the bidet bc his explosive shits have completely covered the bidet in shit 🥰

Lets get retarded in here

Over the ear headphones during karaoke at the bar but only during the songs you dont like is an exquisite method of hating and i am fucking with it

Drinking espresso martini eating caesar salad like the white woman i am

Zyanose rip based on my life

Ill be the first to say it you are very weird (derogatory)

You care too much about aesthetics. It’s ruining your quality of life.

Every woman i ever date either alluding to me not being masc enough or straight up saying that is so defeating (: why date a femme if thats not what you like

Theme of day: all encompassing evil

Not listening to a bitch with no bush! Shut up baldy!!

First of all I see the devil in your eyes. Second of all you stink like garbage.

Hanging out with my friend and the homeless guy that lives in her car <3

So when elderly people think im kin to the devil i get the thought like well maybe??? i am not right in the head if you tell me shit like that I am going to believe you

I would describe my day and you would say “yeah that would happen to you”

After brainbombs spring comes chin-chin summer

Straight up no way that guy has pubes

Telling people youre getting sober because youre on antibiotics is hilarious

Reply guying within minutes of sharing an announcement that your shorty is pregnant is so repugnant these men are depraved

Too therapized for my own good

People in new york are not keen on the way i use the word bitch a lot

Last night was a character building experience 😍

I didnt do shit to fuck and this is how you reward me

Asking for a rag and spray bottle at the bar to clean the bathroom mirror (vanity) then being rewarded with a drink of my choosing

Nobody cares about my prophetic dreams now, but I know that you’ll be sorry when I not only predicted your favorite ice cream but also that the girl from the gas station was sincere about all the apparent ramblings she yelled as you pumped gas yesterday.

I have to go sit in my car for 20-45 minutes about this

downing the entire sake bottle in the amount of time it takes for the miso soup to come to the table

Bitch that feels terrible keep going

Everything thats ever happened to me is so normal and im so normal so if you cant recognize that i have to tell you something you may not want to hear

No i actually loved the way you incoherently mumbled about niche scene lore when you were fucked up. It was a pivotal part of my night.

Who’s dick i gotta suck to lift this damn ass curse?

Oyster world, thick shell filled with goo

Might start being malicious and spiteful to all that are remotely unkind if another deplorable shit stain does anything else mean to me ever again!!!

Been at work for 4 hours and i have thrown up 7 times 🦾

Turn of phrase i learned from an old guy at the bar “i didnt know my asshole from a hole in the ground”

And then you fall and then i kick you and then you cry

Theyre threatened by my ambition and the purity of my soul

So you didnt get the joke? You could always kill yourself…

I didnt mean it when I said you “look British” I swear I’m sorry

Something has run amuck

Demonic parasite party

Your hair is looking really bad today

Do you like me? Can i have five dollars?

pill that makes my bed feel like its made of molten metal and shards of glass

They will never get away with this

Fruity (derogatory)

Crying tears of blood because i am in agony missing my bad bitch