Constant sealing and cleaning issues. Arms will wear through sealant at different rates on same armrest. Next time you’re at someone’s kitchen with a marble countertop, bring in the iPad and imagine your arms resting on the countertop for 60-75 minute stretches before intermission.

As someone who works in a performing arts center as a tech, building engineer and helps with cleaning, this is the worst idea. Customers bump into armrests in aisles constantly. Bump you thigh or knee into stone. Mmmm. So good! Stone is cold, has no cushion. Ask Mr Lincoln sitting at his memorial

"Naughty" and "Nice" aren't mutually exclusive concepts.

As Santa Claus Is Coming To Town taught us, Santa has no external genitalia. He reproduces by forming a mucus sac that he fills with his eggs which are fertilized by an elf queen and that then become his elves who live for a year before dying. Their carcasses become the gifts he delivers. #XmasFacts

I used to be creative.

One sentence horror: There's a ghost in here!

Whenever someone has a mouse problem, commentors always say GET A CAT but I have TWO CATS and their reaction to the presence of mice has always been sweet fuck-all. Except the one time one of our cats actually ATE A MOUSE WHOLE like a cartoon cat and then threw up the inside out corpse.

Perfect album from the year I turned 16? There were a few viable candidates, but only one sure choice.

In honor of Skeleton Season, the greatest conversation I've yet had with my older daughter. #NightmareBeforeChristmas #Skellington youtu.be/If7cwlZRZLE

Bathroom laws are child abuse.

OMG, what a wonderful writeup by Jessica Armbruster! She nailed exactly what I'm going for with "Trust ̶E̶x̶e̶r̶c̶i̶s̶e̶s̶ Exorcises"! I will note that my Instagram autocorrect got carried over and it should be Corinna Troth - not Truth! Although Corinna is a VERY truthful collaborator.

You have three more chances to catch my show at #MinnesotaFringe! Wednesday, 8/06 – 7 p.m. Friday, 8/08 – 10 p.m. Saturday, 8/09 – 8:30 p.m. At the Rarig Nolte Xperimental Theatre” minnesotafringe.org/shows/2025/t...

What else do you have to say?! Maybe start with what JFK was blown away *by*! A searing guitar solo? A delicious hot buttered roll. A springtime rainbow? Maria Callas's 1955 recording of "La Traviata"? WHAT?

I commend our local media. All these people know ALL these people. They’re doing unbelievable work today

Melissa Hortman, who was assassinated last night, was the Speaker of the Minnesota House in the 2023-2024 session, when Democrats ran the state government. That means she had a leading role in shepherding the many landmark reforms that Dems adopted in that period—an important legacy. Brief 🧵.

If you're in the Twin Cities at the end of July/beginning of August and you want to see a mostly improvised storytelling show about my high school theater experience and how it fucked me up but good, you really only have one option. #MNFringe Art by the inimitable Mads Torres (madstorres.com)

Every time they come up with a new nickname for Trump, Democrats consider that a win and then take the next month off.

That's a NUDE EGG I won from my GAME.

Will someone please tell the costly labor force to stop getting cancer, their poor execs don't want to deal with this.

If you weren't obsessed with Ann Jillian in the '80s, I don't even know how to begin helping you. #JenniferSleptHere #ItsALiving

Every sibling group has the Normal One, the Shaggy One, the Fat One, the Homeless One, the Brown Haired One, the Spotted One, the Girl, and the Stoned Girl.

This guy was a total W.I.L.F. Wilf I'd Like to have as my Father

My dreams are all stress dreams at this point. I literally had a "On no it's the last week of college and I never went to a single class and I have to take the final but I don't know what we covered" dream the other night and I'm 48 years old.

You may not like it, but this is what peak crazy to the max looks like.

Having worked in the brain injury world for nearly 20 years, this is the most recurrent things I hear from people. It's nearly impossible to convey the sheer amount of energy it requires to simply manage symptoms and deal with the fallout of *doing* things.

This week, I head outside to talk about The Bears’ Picnic, by Stan and Jan Berenstain. Also: The surprisingly non-racist origins of the word picnic Minnesotans will eat outside literally anywhere The Victorians ruined everything My tolerance for nature (spoiler: it’s not high) youtu.be/GLrWaoe30vM

It's the 10th anniversary of Deep in Bear Country, so let’s welcome back @bmariska.bsky.social and Jeremy Gloff to mark a decade of #BerenstainBears -loving chaos! We reflect on the origins of the show, their collecting journeys, and the joys and... other joys of the Berenstain Bears fandom.

Sliced Dentist on Rye

I always check to see if I can see the earthshine on the moon because it gives me the wildest sense of vertigo. Like, that thing is just... round and up there. And it's HUGE.

Did you honestly think that after all of that he was just going to say, "Oh, sure! I'd probably like them with a goat!"

Before they created the #BerenstainBears, Stan and Jan did… THIS? Tax-Wise: A Pictorial Romp Through the Tax Form (1952) was a personal request from Mike Berenstain himself, and honestly, it’s the perfect unhinged way to celebrate tax season. youtu.be/B_Eq-u3qBuA

Before they created the #BerenstainBears, Stan and Jan did… THIS? Tax-Wise: A Pictorial Romp Through the Tax Form (1952) was a personal request from Mike Berenstain himself, and honestly, it’s the perfect unhinged way to celebrate tax season. berenstainbearcast.org/episode-481-...

Hop into this egg-cellent #Easter episode as we crack open The #BerenstainBears Meet the #EasterBunny (2022) and dig deep into the bizarre, fascinating—fictional(?)—history of Boss Bunny his own self! Then, learn how this rework of "Easter Surprise" holds up! (Hint: it holds up really well)

Reading Blazing Eye Sees All by @leahsottile.bsky.social and every time she starts talking about the beginnings of some new American bullshittery, my internal clock starts ticking down to the antisemitism.

When I was in high school, I drove my dad's old '82 Monte Carlo. It went forward and backward okay, but sucked at just about everything else. There was no radio, no heat, no air, and the gas gauge was unreliable at best. It did its basic job of 'being a car' but you couldn't ask it to do much else.

It's THE BERENSTAIN BEARS' ST. PATRICK'S DAY, and if I told you it DIDN'T INVOLVE THE IRISH would you BELIEVE ME?! berenstainbearcast.org/episode-477-...

I've been talking about Berenstain Bears books for nearly ten years and *this* might be the worst one. How can one book hit every single negative disability trope in so few pages? Yikes, yikes, yikes on bikes. youtu.be/QIp5UYh1NbM

Does Chuck Jones really live in Kingston Falls? Or, is he an imaginary mentor to Billy? He addresses Gerald, but there's no response from Judge Reinhold. There's a whole other "Play It Again, Sam"-esque movie here.

A new school year means new teachers, and Brother Bear is in for a surprise! In "The Berenstain Bears: We Love Our Teacher", we explore what makes a great teacher, the anxieties of moving up a grade, and—wait for it—some wild continuity-breaking moments in Bear Country history! youtu.be/NmvUIRm8IfU

Mike Berenstain is BACK on the SHOW after having been away for TOO LONG. As always it’s a pleasure to catch up and check in and chat about Tintin. Enjoy! berenstainbearcast.org/episode-472-...

Dang it, Phil!!!! Now I’ve got that dang theme song in my head!!!! Dang it Phil!!!!!

What was your favorite MORNING ZOO schtick? Mine was them playing Todd Rundgren's "Bang On The Drum" every Friday morning on my way to Junior High.

Ever want to watch a grown man do a child's activity book? Watch my video! The #BerenstainBears #Christmas #Fun #Sticker & #ActivityBook youtu.be/0D9k-7LqWf0

This week on Deep In Bear Country, it’s “The #BerenstainBears #Christmas Fun Sticker & Activity Book” and they’re really stretching the definition of “fun” here. berenstainbearcast.org/episode-464-...

Here it is! The video of this week's episode! #BerenstainBears youtu.be/5k7Ivnevojw

This week on Deep In Bear Country, it’s a #Christmas miracle as I take a look at a book I’ve already covered! That’s right, we’re going back and re-evaluating “The #BerenstainBears Meet #Santa Bear!” It’s a #holiday treat! #podcast #KidLit berenstainbearcast.org/episode-463-...

It's-a me!

So, in the original storybook by Robert May, Rudolph wasn't at the North Pole and Santa had never heard of him.