You ever get caught doing something weird because you find it funny/amusing and you don't think anybody is paying attention and then someone is like "are you picking your nose with that pen" and you have to be like "no, I was thinking it would probably look funny if people invented nose flutes and t

It's not illegal to be an asshole, but I think if a dude in a scarf and a cardigan called me an asshole or a motherfucker to my face, I might punch them.

Fascinating.

I'll laugh when Jordan Peterson eats shit.

LOL. LMAO.

I get that my brain is wired differently than a lot of other people's, but I do not understand how people can separate personality from physicality. Olivia Nuzzi is not attractive. Every time I learn something new about her, I'm forced to recognize that her head is shaped like a circus peanut.

American Classmates Having Difficulty Understanding Better Educated Foreign Exchange Student https://theonion.com/american-classmates-having-difficulty-understanding-bet-1828551698/

Glenn Beck is soft as a boiled potato.

John Conti coffee tastes like the bottom of an ashtray.

Thinking about the time I jammed that splinter all the way under my fingernail to the quick and then sat through a two hour meeting.

Very cold walk this morning. Saw a lot of snow, not as many birds. Did see some sandhill cranes.

We're going to have so many people we're going to have to do something about when we get to the other side of all this bullshit.

AI industry watching the vultures starting to circle overhead like, "huh, wonder who that omen is for?"

Accidentally ruining people's day with fun* facts about cashmere.

Don't want to brag, but I'm 3-0 in this Trench Crusade campaign. Will fully admit that half my wins are from dogwater rolls by my opponents, but I'll take what I can get.

Drank coffee all morning and switched to beer at noon and somehow I'm still dehydrated.

"Ow, what the fuck is in my pocket?"

Wandering around from one half finished task to the next is kind of exhausting sometimes. I really should try to focus on one thing without getting distracted by the next task at hand.

Trying to teach my children useful skills and they're just completely uninterested. It takes 30 SECONDS to learn how to season a cast iron skillet, just come watch while I do it. Christ.

“And what is the charge? Eating a seal? A succulent Chinese seal? GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY PENIS!”

If you're looking for an alternative to Spotify, Tidal is pretty dang good now and has a much more expansive catalog than they used to. I think they pay artists way more, and as far as I know aren't involved in any weapons contracting, genocides, or other war crimes.

Love Discord being like "bro you didnt complete any quests this year" yeah man I dont know what those are and I'm working really hard not to have to learn

Cashier: I hate these card readers. They never work and when they do, they're so slow. Me: We should kill all machines. Cashier: Yeah. Yeah, we should.

Louisville ignored an enacted ordinance and was the only city in the country to capitulate to Trump administration demands, all for the stated purpose of avoiding ICE excesses. It doesn’t appear to be working. www.wdrb.com/news/i-was-s... www.wdrb.com/news/i-was-s...

We gotta get rid of qualified immunity.

First of all, if you're on the expressway going 40 MPH with your flashers on, you're a terrible person and you shouldn't be on the road. I'm sorry our society has forced cars upon you, but get the fuck off the road. Second, every road designer in Louisville needs to launched into the sun for this.

I have a confession. I still don't know what a missile toe is.

Cops being media illiterate shouldn't be surprising to anyone. They're barely regular literate.

I'm goofing like 95% of the time, but I never joke about hating the police or our car based society. Unless I am joking about cops or cars.

You can spot a PSL person from a mile away, usually because they come sprinting towards you to yell at you about how their cult isn't actually a cult and maybe you're the problem actually but you didn't think about that did you you imperialist American pigdog.

I love when conservatives are like, "You're so mad at Hegseth for war crimes, but Obama bombed a wedding. How come that's different?" Bitch, it's not. The left (not you, liberal) has been condemning that since it happened, you dumbfuck.

I'm going to be super pedantic here (and will ignore the non-color parts of the article). First of all, color isn't actually real, so go ahead and jot that down. Second, white is absolutely a color as, perceptually, it's the combination of all visible (to the human eye) wavelengths of light.

If you say something stupid and bad on the internet and you feel compelled to write a further 20 skeets after being called out: 1) you're wrong; 2) you're spiraling, get a grip. Just apologize and move on, damn. LOL

9:30: Teams meeting has started. 9:30.50: Teams meeting has been canceled. Fuuuuuuck yeeeeeessssss.

This rules, but what are the odds whoever approved it doesn't understand the context of the movie? LOL

Every time I drive I can feel my life force draining from my body. No one enjoys this. Commuting is a special hell and the people who LIE and say they love driving are demons and devils put here to torment me.

I have, once again, eaten too many crunch master crackers. Absolutely terrible crackers. Taste like burnt, salty cardboard. Smell like shit. Love these nasty pieces of shit.

"How can Americans just stand by and watch this happen?" My friend, I understand that you're from a place where you can set dumpsters on fire and fist fight the police, but they shoot here and ask questions later. And also they don't even really ask questions. And they never face consequences.

Back on my bullshit looking at Onderhound engineer boots like I can ever afford them.

I, for one, am super excited about the upcoming water wars.

Louisville needs good public transportation. I cannot deal with these fucking idiot drivers anymore. It's bad enough that our infrastructure is some of tje worst in the country, but we also have some of the biggest dipshits on the road here.

I get sick of hearing "why do you know this?" Why DON'T you know this, motherfucker? It isn't deep esoteric knowledge.

“AI is clearly sticking around so you have to get used to it” wrong. I don’t have to get used to shit. I am a practiced hater and I can keep this going for decades if I am required to

a lot of people debating the merits of that dogshit essay meanwhile the girl’s mom is retweeting demands to ban all trans people from teaching at any level. it’s forest for the trees shit

Does credulous academic pay well or something? Does it come with a giant bonus for falling on the sword like a giant rube?

I'll never wear shorts. Ever. These legs are NOT for the people. They are for my wife. Sinners.

Just finished my first "below freezing" walk of this fall/winter and I love how my eyeballs were just watering non-stop for the first few minutes.

One of the best feelings in the universe is not knowing what people are mad about online. Better than sex.