Since we left the World Health Organization, I suggest we detain all the wealthy white boomers who like to hike in that ballroom.

The best performance in media I watched this weekend about dying industries from the 1800s. #thedevilwearsjose

Welp. I guess I’m a full blown conspiracy theorist now.

Feeling nostalgic about Sean Spicer once being the worst Press Secretary in history. Women really can excel when given an opportunity. #womenshistorymonth

Which country do we think’s gonna liberate us? Do you think they’re in a bunker drawing straws?

His polling was at 0% on the poll I took today.

When your crush keeps turning you down. BRUTAL.

BUT THE DOW IS AT 50,000

We created Shelf Respect, a reading podcast, 6 months ago and we’re bringing it out from behind the paywall. Listen wherever you get your podcasts. Our editor said “ I have edited a lot of episodes over the years across all three PMG shows. THIS is far and away the most unhinged one to date.”

Is it too soon to say that stage 3 colon cancer is considered highly curable if met with prompt and aggressive conventional treatments supervised by board certified physicians? If not, I WILL CIRCLE BACK.

This was the moment my hope cup filled ALLTHE WAY back up.

Welp. That was magic. 🇵🇷

Internet: they could never make me hate you.

You know who could use a comeback right about now? Old Testament God.

Gentle Reminder: if you’re currently having unprotected sex, you may find yourself giving birth to a Scorpio. Proceed with caution.

This is who runs this account.

❤️

Watching Christian influencers try to spin not talking about what’s happening in the world is WILD. I would love to see JUST ONE say “Listen. I’m scared to lose followers because this is my livelihood and I’m the breadwinner and my book deals are based on my follower count.”

Imagine if they were evil AND intelligent. www.nytimes.com/interactive/...

I don’t want to hear anything from an elected official unless it’s a plan to defund the DHS and impeach Noem, Bovino, etc. No texts. No emails. No talk about the economy. Step up or step off.

I’m not freaking out about the ice storm. Why do you ask?

You’ll never guess who sent me a cease and desist today. DID YOU GUESS A TEXAS CHURCH? I look forward to Bride of Christ v Jamie B. Golden.

The “prosecute the former regime at every level” candidate has my vote in 2028.

In 2026, we’re all going to spell it correctly. W-H-O-A.

Do not show this to my therapist.

The only Russian propaganda I’m accepting in 2026.

May you have a sliver of the joy Chuck has this Christmas Day.

Sometimes art is buried.

OH at my hair salon: “How can she be MAGA? She lived in Osaka for 3 years. “I think Jesus was real. He had friends.”

Me looking at those Vanity Fair pics as part of my new nightly bedtime routine.

I just heard someone say they want to be “work optional” in their 50s. NEW GOAL UNLOCKED.

If Netflix is emailing about anything other than a price hike, then you know it’s bad. AND IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT. 🤣

Roll Tide. ❤️🤍

Reading a book about fated mates: Love. That book using the word “mate” 180x: Loathe.

Can you imagine not having the internet this week?

My favorite Chris met my favorite Pope.

The children yearn for prophecy.

Did I just order 16 months of gummies since they are trying to shoehorn a federal ban into this shutdown bill? Yes.

I am prepared to spend dollars and knock on doors even if it ends with Alabama breaking my heart again. DOJO.GOV ❤️🤍

I think what is most flabbergasting about all of this is voters just overwhelming gave the Democratic Party a perfectly clear signal that they will be heavily rewarded for fighting.

There are more of us than there are of them.

The men are not immune. 🤣

A good day in Birmingham gathered with 1,500 folks who didn’t try to gaslight me even once. #nokings

A pop culture podcaster working out her thoughts in the Notes app.

Someone let me know when it’s semi-safe to talk about Kansas City filler. I JUST WANT TO HAVE A QUICK CHAT.

Good luck to Anne of Green Gables to try and save us.

“Diet Coke is pretty people humor.” Stephania Alvarado 💀

Shoutout to the folks who have deconstructed but are still a smidge scared of the rapture. ☁️

Can we reschedule the rapture for next week? Alchemised comes out on Tuesday and it’s 1000 pages so I’m gonna need at least two days for that. Plus, I’m going to Santa Fe this weekend and I have new bras currently in shipment.

I would like my government supervisors to know that I think Sydney Sweeney ads are wholesome, Dakota Johnson in Persuasion was a great choice, and the adaptation of The Summer I Turned Pretty should win a Pulitzer.