Something hilarious about doing fireworks after you lost 11-1

When I keep finding extramarital affairs via genetic genealogy

Beating the Mets on Ron Santo Bobblehead day, as is right and proper

Need to finish the badge lanyard I started making *mumble mumble* ago if for no other reason than to get it the fuck off my loom

Pat Hughes does not know if there is a Hot Dog Blaster in his house

Someone please tell Pat about the Ben Rice's Ben's Rice ads

I need to invest in a ladder that is like. One step taller than my little house stuff stepladder. It's annoying as fuck to haul the big fucker out and get it into position when I just need like ONE MORE STEP.

Logging in to the MLB app on my phone so I can listen to Pat and Ron while I mow and Nico Hoerner wasn't even a suggested Cub to follow WHO DO I GOTTA FIGHT

Hey why the fuck was I trying to mow the lawn without taking allergy meds first

Hello Kitty is a sandwich

Now why the ass did the DOL send me an email that seems to indicate I need to renew my tabs in person? I do not need to renew my tabs in person.

Cubs get the M

"Just when you think his career is over, he shows up again!" That sounds like a threat, Pat.

Forgot to mention this at the time, but at the game I was at on Wednesday, there was a guy whose pants were SO TIGHT that I could see like... a detailed outline of his individual leg muscles. To the point that it was kind of odd.

I unironically love how Pat Hughes has no idea that you can just plug the days calculation into some box on the internet to get the answer lmao

It's nice that ghosts are capable of driving in runs these days. Good job, whatever supernatural entity drove in Seiya.

I've finally found the perfect use for the walk pad at my desk and it's watching baseball games on MLB dot tv

Day 'n' Nite on the bump???

Me and my friends would've killed the LiMu emu (and Doug) with hammers I can tell you that much.

Her name is Roberta Paulson

lmaooooooooo

But, at times, levity. At one morning meeting, colleague Dave Johnston said he'd made an important discovery — an eyewitness to one of the mountain's biggest eruptions. He laid his fist on the table, opened his hand, and out rolled a sparking toy dinosaur. The mood lightens. Thanks, Dave.

Am I to understand that that home run just wanted to make me cum-a

Okay for whatever fucking reason my imaging bill isn't coming out until May 6, but at least I know it hasn't been lost in the mail or ether. Christ.

Who's pitching for the Cubs? Guess what it's you!

Ran a fuckton of errands. Got all the branches out of the front yard and have the mower gassed up and sitting out in the sun in hopes the fucker will start.

Seagull! At the bread factory

Ooh apparently there's an early 4/20 discount at the weed store.

I resent that I am out of bed this early on a day off

You know they say that all men are created equal, but you look at me and you look at Samoa Joe and you can see that statement is not true. See, normally if you go one on one with another wrestler, you got a 50/50 chance of winning. But I'm a genetic freak and I'm not normal! So you got a 25% AT BEST

God I love when it sounds like the cop school is in my back yard

womp womp

Me: *orders something today* *makes whining sounds* BUT WHY PACKAGE NOT HERE YET

I just got a statement from USCIS, well after deadline, essentially saying that they now offer this system for FREE so it has skyrocketed demand among state agencies. That explains it.

Finally messaged the imaging place like ???? bill ????? Yes, it's weird that I want a bill but I'm paranoid from the time a doctor and lab fucked up my billing in multiple ways and it wound up going to collections. I only knew because of the hit to my credit report.

I do (or maybe the Monday or Thursday closest to it instead), but largely because my workplace specifically gives us a day for birthday leave that has to be used within a couple weeks of your birthday.

Sent an email to staff in another program. Put CONFIDENTIAL in the subject line Marked email as confidential Put confidential in the text "Can I share this with the engineer or is it confidential" I am going to walk into the ocean. From Spokane.

I desperately need this week to be over.

The downside to the new videoboard is it comes with a DoltCam

Guy in front of me just did a Randy Savage impression

Baseball weather

In honor of Carl Maxey, I would like to suggest... Mascot boxing

Video board means fun bits like throwback footage of Jackie Robinson

So many toques in the Canadians dugout

WE GOT ONE

DUB GLEED IS HERE GUYS

Lest you think it's no longer minor league baseball here, they fucked up the player intro graphics and had incorrect lyrics for the national anthem. 🫡

Holy shit, the intro video actually rules?????

Lmao are you really supposed to play a song that said I j just want to make you come-a Don't get me wrong, Hey Ya! is a massive quality improvement but lol

They've updated the stadium music.