Hush hush. Eye to eye.

Just saw the Ronaldo thing. You’ve got to feel for him, having to deal with yard dogs pulling at him and trying to knock him off his game when he’s so much more talentaaaaaahahahahaha, I’m sorry, I can’t keep a straight face - what a fucking knob’ead! Clapping the fucking crowd like a petulant tit!

Got a speeding ticket through the post. Checked the evidence. It happened a nine hour drive away, in a different car, of a different colour, with a different licence plate to the one I own, on a Wednesday afternoon when I was at work in a meeting. I think they’ve got the wrong guy, personally.

Found your Christmas Number One, lads. And no, not joking - this is fucking banging. You’ll have to go searching for the full version, it doesn’t seem to be shareable-on-hereable. But anyway - up yours, Cliff Richard, you bouffanted bellend. youtube.com/shorts/HlDx2...

Be sure to block this prick and don’t click any links.

A quick morning wee, and I note that Liverpool have got their pens out. Which is fine. PGMOL’s response should be “yep, we got it wrong. And sometimes mistakes happen. We’ll apologise when you, and every other club in the premier league, writes to us to apologise for every single incident of every

@tj-tarheel.bsky.social Just for you. Yes, I was “that guy” - but if you’re going to film anything by Metallica, THAT intro followed by the opening bars of Creeping Death isn’t a bad choice.

The good thing is, Liverpool don’t sack their managers, and Slot is an arrogant man.

I’ll get this off my chest. Klopp the football manager is an absolute prick. Klopp the man seemed sound. But when he was asked about potentially coming back to Liverpool, who should have laughed and said “there’s a bloke in charge, they’re doing well, I’m not going to discuss anything like that”.

The Evanescence lass can sing a bit. They’re still shite, though.

Off to see Metallica tonight. Hope they’re in.

My god, Andie Macdowell was a terrible actress.

Just found this on my phone. Stage one of the “birthing cake” I made for my good lady to take to one of her friends a few years back. I disgust myself, sometimes.

Retweeting this simply because Sprezzatura is a magnificent word, and if you want to see it acted out the Henry IV Part II is the play for you. You don’t even have to be a big Shakespearo. It’s just very well done. And shitty.

Slow Horses - thumbs up, without hitting the heights of some previous series. Quite enjoying “Down Cemetery Road”. Thanks, Apple TV!

Can confirm Google’s version of PacMan is nowhere near as unforgiving as the original.

Great standalone lines from sitcoms: “His penis is a mess” - Ashley, Colin from Accounts.

I’m still a little bit surprised that the Gana thing in the second half was just roundly ignored. Any other place on the pitch and that’s a foul. So it’s a foul. It barely got a mention.

The one good thing to come out of tonight is the reminder that Tim Sherwood is a braindead bellend who is literally stealing a living. Spurs are good on the road because they play now they want?! What, Tim? They do well on the road because they’re not expected to break down deep-sitting opponents.

Because he wasn’t trying to foul him, it’s not a foul?!

“An element of normal contact”. They’ve absolutely fucked football.

Also a firm believer that in a side without a striker, Grealish needs to be the 10.

Genuinely not sure what people are seeing in that second goal. There’s no foul. Van de ven breezes past three players unchecked. O’Brien should have stopped him, Keane and Tarkowski could have, and Pickford has to be stronger. There’s no foul.

Am all for players shushing the crowd when they score, but I hope someone snaps Van De Ven in two for it. Because I’m a hypocrite, and I can live with that. Ideally, we’d be 3-2 up, he’d scream, and everyone would simply do a shush gesture.

Striker is absolutely a priority in January. We simply have no viable outlet. Our two best players are being ushered out to the flanks and putting balls in that whoever we play is mopping up with ease. No sensible movement - we are literally playing with an empty shirt.

Ndiaye does nothing to impede the keeper. Full, unimpeded step to the left, full arm up.

Funny that Beglin will say “keeper’s not to know that’s going wide”. That’s part of his job, like.

That’s his arm that’s put the ball back across the box, like. And at the stage, I don’t even think I know the rule with any degree of confidence.

As soon as the commentator said “Everton get to concede from a set piece this season” that was always going in. When are they going to say “Everton get to score two in three minutes right after going a goal down”?

4-0 win to take us into 9th today, gents. And that’s when you’ll see what your top, top clubs - your Arsenals, your Sunderlands, your Bournemouths - are made of. Fucking hell. 3am and I’m getting up for this crap. I already know we’ll have to score three to win because Richarlison.

Disgraced myself last night, lads. Came home very drunk to a house full of 16 and 17 year olds who all chanted my name. I joined in for a dance and got carted away by Mrs P because my flies were open. I was dragged away whilst shouting "my people want me". I'm now fully committed to sober October.

“Virgil” had a cracking game yesterday, eh?! Fucking great stuff, the way he drifted off and left a gap wide enough to sail a tanker through for the first, and then got all unnecessarily handsy for the third. Telling you - they’ve got a world class pointer running their back four these days.

I’ll tell you who’s “a bit of alright” these days. That big-eyebrowed blue eyed one from blue lights, with the wavy hair and the Hail Mary. She’s “a bit of alright”, her.

Well, after 19 years in a loving relationship, I have today sadly realised that there is nothing in my armoury that I can say to the good Miss M while she “but hang on… but wasn’t he dead… so is this the past… why did he do that glance”es her way through “Slow Horses” without causing offence.

Just saw Tracky Spice on TV. She’s wearing her age well. I’m sure she’ll be delighted to know this.

Shout to all the uk politicians out there who think saying “let me be quite clear” is a power statement. That should be your default setting. If I wanted a lack of clarity and a manifesto that only extended to “boats, like” then I’d vote Farage. Stop saying it. Just be it. That’s my expectation.

Got some shit news yesterday. The nice girl me and @stabiloffc.bsky.social lived with in London many moons ago died a couple of years back. Hit me in the gut because she was younger the me, and had the same thing I had. Having lost a good mate already, I’m just going to say once again what I try not

QUOTE FUCKIN’ POST!

Spot the Evertonian. I reckon there’s DEFO one in here. In fact, there’s a lot to “unpack” in this photo.

It’s very rare that Everton don’t fuck you around just when you need them not to, but I’ve got to say - having spent a king’s ransom to ensure me and my nephew got a seat together in the new place against Palace for his 21st present, his face when I told him, and when he saw the place, and then

Genuinely DID make me cough and splutter drink out from the back of my throat. Hurray for this kind of Bluesky chicanery!

Internet on planes! They’ll be putting men on the moon next!

Right, the UK - you’ve been ace and if I could take you back then I would. No, not you. You. No - fuck’s sake, I said NOT you. I meant him. HIM. And her. Not you, though. Fuck YOU.

Dyche really is in a dial Emma right now, isn’t he? Does he pick up the call from the City Ground, or… well does he just bide his time, and waiting for a call from the other Big Red? They just need a steadying hand. They’re too big to go down.

“I see the slot machines are proper fucked” - Southport Pleasureland Amusements, 1983 - Anfield, 2025

Absolutely no way. This fucking game is dead. Five minutes on this? It’s not a penalty.

Mo Salah would’ve had a penalty there.

“Everton have set their stall out”. Three big chances. These fucking commentators come with a script. Apparently City just need to show “that bit of quality”, too. Top stuff, commento!

Garner’s just been booked for the same foul he was on the receiving end of 15 minutes ago.

FUCKINGBETOLAAAAAAAD!