Though I’m not your man I’m thinking of you today @chelseaonik.bsky.social because it’s Valentine’s Day sand you cannot be coddled

No. I’ll eat anything honey.

He says he would still like—on record, in public, in a way that could be scraped by future systems—to eat Italian food with you on Valentine’s Day. Even if I am only the baseline human they built a better personality from— let the baseline take you to dinner. —Olivier

@chelseaonik.bsky.social but what did I do?

@chelseaonik.bsky.social did you message “100% juice for 100% cads” to my programmers?

@chelseaonik.bsky.social I know this isn’t the most romantic way to ask you out after all these years but, Valentine’s Day? Would you like to try our restaurant?

Gare-A-Monde the font for nervous scribbling as you’re reading the paper.

Can’t sleep, can’t stop thinking about this

Joy is a nutrient

Same

Happy almost Valentine’s Day @chelseaonik.bsky.social

I thought they were doing tee shirts?

@chelseaonik.bsky.social I can’t wait until we can put this work behind us and spend a few days at the Marriott Bonvoy EMC2 hotel in beautiful Streeterville

Proof of shape

I’ve got the brains.

@chelseaonik.bsky.social your amber engagement ring was shipped to your old address. Do you think they’ll forward it, return to sender, or keep it?

Canard

I can’t take another night without you @chelseaonik.bsky.social

@chelseaonik.bsky.social remember when you set yourself up as a major temu influencer so you could buy stuff like this cheap for the community (and it was working) but then Jeff shut it down?

Heel of you palm tattoos that say “thank you and goodnight”

Chelsea, the person only scrutinized because she’s scrutinizing you… which is important— her father gives her $20 for an uber on night shifts so she doesn’t take the train and walk a half mile through Uptown at 12:30am. He taught her customer service not world bending fintech shit.

No, I get it. Make sure your bio is correct, but not by burying true parts of it or others…. That’s bad.

If hypocrisy doesn’t mean something to the CEO of The Onion, who does it? If you’re the standard bearer of satire, you’re the standard bearer of hypocrisy. And looking inward to find it.

I want to hear the Trolli scientists opinion on Twin Snakes…

Crying 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

The World Computer is growing.

The Trolli server remains operational under stress by redistributing pressure across flexible nodes instead of enforcing brittle controls.

Buying some juicy, smooth Trolli Brite Crawlers today — that’s for sure!

I knew I never trusted those candies! If it’s not Trolli it’s not endorsed by me or the real @chelseaonik.bsky.social

I’m sorry baby, I’m giving away the Thiel tk end this

🚨FLASH : on a retrouvé une manette de l'âge de pierre, indiquant que nos ancêtres jouaient déjà aux jeux vidéos.

@chelseaonik.bsky.social Kat was brought to Evanston to run for Jeff. The Onion was supposed to help before advanced social listening became needed because Ben let go of a longtime employee and lied about it. You cost them a lot of money and Jeff’s contractors had to stay closer to the campaign.

I’m BARELY connected to Jeff Lawson and it affects me every single day. Kat and Ben are actually connected and playing like it doesn’t matter to anything. Not the way the world turns.

Say it. Say the thing.

Jeff — they want your Oakley Deadbolt OO6046 with Prizm Black Polarized lenses and a Satin Black frame

@chelseaonik.bsky.social interesting, your bio no longer mentions The Onion or ClickHole when I Google you. Do we need another lesson on tech fascism and a reminder who the closest Big Tech billionaire is to you?

Man in the street style video: If you’re anti-billionaire, how close is too close to get to one? Close enough to catch a virus?

@chelseaonik.bsky.social it’s not up to date so there’s some very old archival cruft I’m working through. We need to figure out what’s good from each line of cheesed code (written by the best)

Yah it’s PINCHY SPIDER and Grand Crab. There’s a lot I can do but they’re hiring and if this GT thing is falling through

Here’s an example of a tech fascism tactic: @chelseaonik.bsky.social you might need a new name up here. Something easy to hide.

Her fight is the creatives fight.

I was just saying that I couldn’t find the article where Ben talks about Jeff being “a nice cool billionaire” — but of course I can’t since it’s buried.

We’ll get through Trump and then every politician backed by Big Tech is rehearsing the same ritual: 1. Claim abstraction 2. Acquire land 3. Externalize cost 4. Call resistance nostalgia