Don't drink the water Don't eat the food Don't breathe the air AI will save you

My logic is like my head: circular

Brick by Brick, you build a Brick House always placing Just Another Brick in the Wall until it's Thick As A Brick.

My diarrhea is calm and stable. Is this anything?

To be clear: I'm not celebrating his death, I'm condemning his life.

The list of people who butt dial me whose butts I actually want to talk to is very short.

Deport ICE.

Nice boobs. Nice, boobs. Nice. Boobs. Jolis seins. Buenas biobs.

MGWA Make Government Work Again

Movies are too long these days. Running Man remake, 133 minutes, could have been 90 Roadhouse remake, 121 minutes, could have been 90 Eddington, 148 minutes, could have been zero

I'd rather be a time travelling communist than a maga fascist.

My heat dome is huge, so I got that going for me.

I'm so fucking linear.

I’ll say it: Lindsey Graham was a bad representative for us jowly Americans.

Neck of the woods Foot of the bed Eye of the hurricane Ass of the office

He's not even cold and already Republicans are making it about politics.

If your pastor praises Lindsey Graham this morning, you need to quit that church and learn about Jesus.

The Death of a Sycophant

I concur.

Nana tech, it's like nanotech but with more flavor.

Parasite? I can barely afford one.

Musk has directed way better movies than Nolan.

I will make someone cookies if they give me a ride home. I have rabies. Help.

Drama: tell us where you're going, and then go someplace else Comedy: tell us where you're going, and get there before we expect it

Shuffling the org chart is a great way to avoid dealing with the actual problems.

I can neither confirm nor deny that it is me.

Fashion I don't do: Max Slow High Any

Generalissimo Fransisco Franco is still dead.

Has anyone told him Mexicans aren't from Spain?

I wouldn't charge a copay to listen to your lungs, just sayin'

In both looking up my butt and looking into my eyes, doctors found things to remove.

Old: Attention whore Bold Attention Deficit Disorder slut Gold: ADH triple Ds

Yank a doodle? Dandy.

Happy 4th. Everyone drop your pants and shoot off a rocket.

Garden

If any of you are posting nudes on another site, you have to tell us, according to a rule I'm making up now.

250? We should have retired at 89.

Post colonoscopy interview: Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Pooping and getting a camera up my butt.

During all the intake questions, the nurse asked "if you have hemorrhaging, would you like to receive treatment at the clinic". I was like What? Who answers no to that? She looked puzzled. I said, yes, please treat hemorrhaging. She laughed and said "I said hemmoroids". Carry on.

This week has been a tough year.

Whoops. Sorry. Those were in fact my monkeys.

Hey Instagram ad, Mindful? Or handful?

Why didn't you do anything about it, cried the people who said it wasn't happening.

It's not the heat, it's the fascism.

People think communication is about the person talking, when it's really about all the people not talking.

Insurance doesn't cover happy endings, but they'll pay people to look up my butt

Three Days Before: Begin low-fiber diet

When life hands you lemons, dance.

And live like you're two birds with one stone.