Trump is waging war against Americans.

Yes Charlie Kirk gets 72 virgins, and yes that puts him on the epstein list.

Amelia Earhart had the real Epstein files in her plane when she mysteriously disappeared. Not so mysterious now, eh.

Blue states drive the economy.

Are the Epstein files at the UN jamming up escalators?

How's everyone getting the covid shot, but my health department doesn't have it yet? Is for-profit companies only gaining access?

Got a covid booster because... science. Got an MMR booster because... America.

There is a strong link between birth and childhood disease. Wear a condom.

Remember to make reservations for Rapture 2026, spaces full up fast.

I was raptured by aliens!

Tax cuts cause autism.

This is an emergency - not for me but for one of my children's friends - does anyone know anything about getting emergency medical funding in Arkansas? (I'm Canadian and know nothing.)

They'll fight Tylenol before gun control and poverty

I hope there's a rapture and they only take like a dozen people. I can provide a list.

I've been flu shotted.

Why all the rupture jokes?

If they're going to try and retcon Charlie Kirk, then we should try to retcon him too.

Trampled By Turtles play their instruments faster than I can listen.

There's a fine line between well preserved and pickled.

You don't have to show me your bruises for me to believe that you've been hit.

Saw a license plate: 2 Y YO What do you think they were trying to express?

Abandon hope, all ye who contact customer service.

Advice for those who give advice: don't.

She said the wine should be chilled slightly, otherwise you have a warm, flabby, undrinkable wine I said, same as me!

Talked with a friend who didn't know what Super 8 was. Whippersnapper.

70 years since my parents got married, 1 year since Dad passed away. One literally a lifetime ago, the other only feels like it.

Watching football with people who take football seriously is hilarious.

Hey, I hate doing this, but I’m leaving a link to my gofundme. I’m trying to raise funds to leave my abuser. I’ve been trying to get away from him since: 12/03/24. Please #reskeet or donate. I really want to get stability and structure in my life. My mental health is not good. gofund.me/6b9b92d2

Putin's biggest attack on Ukraine and Drumpf's response.

89.3 The Current is playing two hours of Queen.

My streak of not winning big money remains unbroken.

I was an informant for the FBI Epstein case. Also, I am Spartacus.

My mom started hanging old CDs in the garden so that if a bird comes over to peck at a tomato it will quickly become distracted by its desire to learn QuickBooks

How little is your imagination?

5 out of 5 dentists recommend not taking medical advice from RFK Jr. A sixth dentist added "That man is full of shit."

STOP USING YOUR PHONE IN THE BATHROOM! You're just funnelling more money into Big Preparation H!!

If you hear a medieval times staff say “hello” remember to tell them they’re being unprofessional

I will not rest until every acquaintance’s children’s back to school post is hearted

When I hit my goal weight I'm posting nudes and eating a lasagna. Or even nudes of me eating said lasagna.

Where there's money, there will be cheating. Where there's big money, there will be big cheating.

I never understood the appeal of Michael Douglas as an actor. Conversely, Cumberbatch in the new "Roses" is excellent, as is Colman.

Labor Day

July, she will fly And give no warning to her flight August, die she must The autumn winds blow chilly and cold

I am now accepting enchilada recipes. I’ve never made them and don’t know where to start.

Frankenstein was actually the doctor. His creation was actually called Repressed Sexuality.

We make fun of, with good cause, corporate jargon. But every industry has its own silly jargon. Higher Education. Football. Manufacturing. Don't forget others when making fun!

New mattress, same cat