alright i'm going to get off my ass and ride a nice long proper ride Saturday. and i expect all of you to hold me to this commitment

chilled too hard over the weekend and forgot how to do my job

Y'all mind if I pop off on making these soy chorizo b's&g's

Yoo bro could you hold on to this cask of Amontillado for me

Honking is hate speech

I love living here and am so happy to. It is a phenomenal place with so many great things. It is almost agonizing however to constantly be surrounded by and see small tweaks and changes that could make it 100x better and know that it would be a nigh impossible uphill battle to accomplish

Y'all mind if I have a delightful day with my beautiful wife

Bro I'm just saying that you're looking a LITTLE too burdened by what was and NOT VERY UNSHACKLED by the possibility of what will be

generic brand diet Dr pepper at the back of the fridge froze into a slush and honestly this is incredible news as a guy who goes crazy for freezees

(Keanu Reeves voice) Yeah, I think I'm back.

guy who only gets the tips on freshly repaved roads because he rode his bicycle into a vat of fresh cement on Milwaukee avenue once last year

entire god damn jazz ensemble at the mariano's right now. buddy i am a little too overstimulated at the grocery store for all that and imma need y'all to be normal for a second

feeling guilty because in my adult life i have made a big point of doing Something outside each memorial day weekend, but this year i have jack shit planned and frankly feel exhausted and just want to sit inside the whole time

i was soo hungry before i made dinner i got it in my head that i was gonna go for a little walk to get a snack. and then I made and ate dinner and got full and i'm pretty annoyed because now i don't really want that snack i was so excited to go get

TAKE ME DOWN TO CHICAGO, SO PRETTY WHERE THE AIR IS WINDY AND ELEVATED TRAINS TRAVERSE THE CITY TAKE ME TO CHI-TOWN

rust on my cantilever brake post simultaneous with godawful brake squeal out of nowhere on my commute to work today might actually make me go insane

forgot how humid it is outside up until the moment i stopped my ride and immediately became as wet with sweat as if i had jumped into a swimming pool

I forgot to mention this yesterday but it's absurd to have CPD doing beach checkpoints on a random ass Monday. The weather wasn't even particularly good and Memorial Day hasn't even passed yet. Just several dozen squad cars parked on the green and in the bus turnarounds.

(giving my testimony on the stand to the judge), "It was all my idea," (turns to wife in the audience, winks dramatically), "I acted alone," (winks big two more times towards wife), "and I alone will bear the consequences" (grins, thumbs up, wide, squinting, toothy grin, nods affirmingly for wife)

My unfortunate trait is that when I'm talking to people I don't know well or haven't gotten comfortable with I kind of just mumble my words together like Boomhauer

There has been a hostile takeover at my usual hangout on Northerly Island

just got overwhelmed by how much Paul McCartney now looks like Hillary Clinton

Bored? Unfulfilled? Directionless? Have you considered going to bed at 6:30pm?

why do local bands love taking photos at the old Paulina bridge so much

finally watching bugonia for the first time. honestly relaxing to this guy in th sense that he rides his bike to places

NEED to have my 30th at a Dave & Busters

really glad i got out of the house today to make a run up the north branch. beautiful day for it

landlord's kitchen leaking into our apartment again 💔

avondale coffee club got hit by a car?

Yoooo what is up!!! It's me, your millennial homie! Do you love me unconditionally

i need to get back to the berger park beer garden this summer. that place rules

what does 30 look like? well, for one, i decided i'm officially too old to be riding around with pedal straps

(at my doctor's appointment) And how supple would you say your casing feels these days?

No emails on my desktop Gmail. I should open the Gmail app on my phone and see if they went there instead

Are YOU within first-strike distance of a Small Cheval? Research your options. Develop a plan. Prepare for safety today.

every morning at 6:15 am my beautiful cherub (cat) intently wakes me up with soft meows 15 minutes before my alarm

finally reached the age where my impending birthday is actually filling me with mortal dread

Monday again. Unbelievable

threw back two foot long dogs for lunch today. for a guy like me that is pretty light work

Discharge your service weapon, diva! You've earned it!

meeting the love of my life in the Jackson Piss Tunnel

neil patrick harris in Starship Troopers always throws me off. what the hell are you doing in something that isn't How I Met Your Mother

Being married is easy as hell. Every time they throw two gutter bowls at the alley I let them try again for a new round like it never happened

Sheridan between Foster and Grace is so jarring to me. Like what the hell this is just a normal road and not the Hell Highway

at the dentist they had rtv6 playing on a TV in the corner and at one point they ran the most captivating commercial for "DAD LAW," a law practice specifically for single divorced dads

so funny how much of a confidence buff a haircut is. got a trim and cleaned up my beard and keep getting whiplash in the mirror. who the hell is that stud I'm supposed to be a little worm man

When I picked it up the mechanics all came out and were like "dude we've never seen a headset break this way before" and then they brought out the old part and they bearing cups had sheared Smoove off. They said the only thing holding my steerer together was the locking lol

May Is CNC Mill Lathe Operator Awareness Month. Sound Off For The Machinist In Your Life Below 👇👇👇

damn just walked past Malkmus out with his wife. I guess the rumors really are true he does in fact live here now