labradors are so sick, it rocks there's a dog for people in the suburbs who just want to see how fat a family pet can be

*first day at booz allen hamilton* and how long do i have to work here before i can start to take advantage of the aforementioned booze

he used to be a little boy

i pulled up too far at a light so this woman in the biggest suv i've ever seen couldn't parallel park and she was yelling at me with her windows up so i just kept giving her a thumbs up and nodding and smiling really big as she got progressively angrier and angrier lol

it's going to feel amazing to just fucking unload on donald duck with a steyr AUG while playing as yen sid

moving the pin from "it's so over" to "we're so back" about Marathon today (had a bunch of successful runs and even had one on Dire Marsh where we ran into zero enemy teams and got two contracts completed)

i was worried i was going to spoil damian lewis being muslim in homeland for my parents but it turns you know that by episode 1 and my parents spoiled something for me in turn (i have no impetus to ever watch homeland)

mr. kubo my apologies for quitting the dub of bleach during the soul society arc because it felt like it was going on for approximately 8 trillion years with no sign of stopping, i wasn't familiar with your game

it's so funny to me that hannibal lecter's cutting line to clarice in silence of the lambs is "ya look like a rube"

Pennsylvania devolving into 3 warring states depending on whether you support GetGo, Sheetz or Wawa

streamers in marathon will have you believe it's all insane 1v3 clutches to save a 27.8k loadout from being lost meanwhile i'm out here preparing to throw my body in front of my friend's in case another team attacks us so he can exfil with the one cetinite rod he needs to advance his traxus contract

he's called de palma because his movies put you in de palma his hands...

referred to a video essayist as a "jacob gellerlike" because he was using similar intonation, delivery, and rhetorical devices--happy for my boy that he's got imitators now, buy yourself another large statement ring brother

reminded while reviewing project hail mary that someone once tried to "gotcha" me over my stance regarding the contemporary names in dune (they're fine) by saying "but compared to 'harkonnen' it's pretty crazy" and i had to tell them that was just a finnish name herbert looked up in the phone book

really good moment on the latest yks premium where jf soberly asks producer dan and db if they think brian noem has what it takes to be the ultimate bimbo. that's why they get my $5 every month

doctor ryland grace and rocky the eridian would not have lasted two minutes on dire marsh i tell you what, the tau ceti of 'project hail mary' is way too soft

*mj lenderman wristwatch voice* annn a wrist watch / that's an island / and an auto loan

i have my difficulties with my parents but there's something beautiful about the fact that we're connected inexorably by our love of media properties that are Featuring The Voice Of Robin Atkin Downes (Metal Gear Solid for me, Parks and Rec for them where he does the voice for a burger commercial)

going to get a lot of use out of this one when i want to portray myself as serene, muscular, gently disapproving of something but not in a way that bothers me, etc

i've been listening to "bitch i'm lugubrious" by lil ugly mane all week and i think it's really funny that he pivoted to shoegaze without changing the name he produces music under...ugly mane stay harder than a oak trunk AND he contains multitudes

had dinner with 2 fortysomething upper middle class professionals last night and let me tell you i have grievously underestimated your average doctor and lawyer's comfort with the use of AI

thinking about fake scifi currencies and i get why everyone just goes with credits but in my mind the two best entries are woolongs from cowboy bebop and double dollars from trigun. why wouldn't the currency of the future be chinese? why wouldn't it just be "make a dollar twice as valuable"?

God is hiding my copy of Jason's "Hey, Wait..." because he knows I'm just trying to reread it to make myself sad and I can't handle it right now

heartbreaking moment on the ep of the pitt my parents showed me tonight where a patient's wife brings him burgatory only to find out he's in a coma; ngl even if i hadn't been trying to kill myself that's the last place in pittsburgh i'd want a burger from

CRITIC: bungie's new game Marathon envisions a future not unlike that of 'alien' where aggressive technical and capitalist expansion has led humanity down a dark path ME: *assuming they're talking about how all the automatic guns in the game have bullpup configurations* yes exactly

thinking about 'past lives' again and it really is nuts that celine song got $12 million to publicly work through how it feels to be married to the "potion seller" guy

yeah because how else are they gonna pay for the burgers

ngl people still be making some funny ass posts on x the everything app; i do think that nothing good awaits them in the hereafter for not leaving but that's ultimately not my business

did an outpost run with two other triages tonight and ngl this is kind of how it felt when all of us were hitting the ults to revive each other each time we'd go down

I was half right about Arlene Sorkin basing Harley Quinn's voice of Lina Lamont in 'Singin' in the Rain,' because it looks like Arlene Sorkin based the voice partially off of Judy Holliday, which is who Jean Hagen was doing an impression of to get the part in 'Singin' in the Rain' in the first place

how did they get gene kelly's teeth so white for 'singing in the rain'

more idle thoughts about 'the 40-year-old virgin' but i think danny mcbride was the most powerful out of all the guys in the david gordon green/judd apatow orbit because they all looked like shit from the years 2005 to 2015 but only he had the force of personality to make it seem intentional

I feel an immense and overwhelming respect for Rachel McAdams remembering she made her Hollywood debut in the 2002 Rob Schneider vehicle 'The Hot Chick'...sic parvis magna...

i should have clipped it but i was playing outpost on marathon last night and at one point my whole team was stuck in this tiny room and one of my teammates goes "hey did you guys just hear that?" and as if on cue a whole other team busted out of a vent in the wall and wiped us

it's lost to the ages but there was a poster with the handle @dicklessturdpusher who had this one that i still remember basically word-perfect after like a decade: "'And one day we will die / and our asses will fly / in the aeroplane over the sea' Thank u jeff for the gift of your beautiful lyrics"

in the process of writing a 2 and a half star review for 'the 40-year-old virgin' i just found out that steve aoki is the son of the guy who brought benihana to america

if this is from a yoshiharu tsuge comic i am saddened to inform you that the thematic thrust of it will almost certainly be "i should have quit comics"

there's too much going on with cate le bon for me to be supporting this kind of behavior, sorry. last time we did this we got the extremely off-putting social media output of 'desire, i want to turn into you' era caroline polachek where she was pushing 40 and acting like poppy

STOP trying to project an image on social media to fill some internal void. START conspiring as to how to double cross the Texas bar owner who has hired you to kill his wife, instead shooting him and pinning the crime on ner

saw a woman who was always blowing me off on dating apps after matching with me buying a hot dog for a guy who looked kind of like me at the PILE show. all that work to avoid me and you still ended up a PILE show... siri play "ladyfingers" by herb alpert and the tijuana brass

rewatching 'macgruber' (2010) and i don't think there's a single actor comedic or dramatic who's more adept at debasing himself than will forte is www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZHCd...

there's a special player cosmetic you can get for each of the runners in marathon and most of them seem like a colossal pain in the ass but luckily i've been playing as the combat medic so my challenges to get the shadow index skin were like: 1. be nice 2. stay positive 3. remember to have fun :)

a guy on voice chat tonight thought he knew me and he called me by my given name so i was like "ok i have to know this guy somehow; the odds of him calling me the correct name and not knowing me would be like a million to one coincidence." Turns out it was a coincidence 🥴

Wish I could communicate to people that there's more to Pittsburgh than Noah Wylie and that little Welsh twink walking around Allegheny General in their black scrubs...

if the 2010 'predators' movie was accurate the IDF sniper would have gotten her skull and spine ripped out like immediately. you spend your whole military career shooting Palestinians armed with rocks from 600m out you're unfortunately ngmi when you get transported to the yautja thunderdome

One of the worst decisions I ever made was removing the killer7 and No More Heroes OSTs from my iPod in college—Masafumi Takada was basically hitting dingers nonstop on both of those games www.youtube.com/watch?v=2aPS...

funny bit i could cultivate living in pittsburgh is becoming a cuyahoga river supremacist. like just saying "yeah the mon is all right but it didn't get a song written about it by both randy newman AND michael stipe"

i deleted instagram off my phone because it makes me feel insane in unproductive ways and i'm laughing my ass off at this email i just got. i saw this and was immediately like "there's no way that's correct"

my stupid chud son (dog) is guarding his treat puzzle because he doesn't understand how to get the treats out but he thinks i'm going to steal the treats if he lets me touch it. i hope his birth mother never finds out i made him dim and selfish 😔