i have no beer and i must drink

this is like the parks and rec episode where ron goes back to tammy 1.

*raven voice* Yup, that’s me!

imagine you are a conjoined twin but your twin is big on tumblr

I love Lord of the Rings because it’s a really accurate depiction of what happens when eight gay guys go on a road trip together

hot take: knowing you've been wronged is actually a great feeling because then you're entitled to be extremely self-righteous :)

a few weeks ago @maxrebosroadie.bsky.social and I were joking about an all-lesbian music festival and the last finger on the monkey's paw curled.

Sorry to be cringe but actually all i want is to be happy and make others happy and be kind and bring fucking light but fuck me i guess

mormons never used to get pregnant before marriage, but now they can. because of soak.

not to be dramatic but if the ~twist~ of love lies bleeding is that katy o'brien wasn't actually real and no actual gay shit happened i'm going to eat a battery

paul atreideez nuts

before the year ends, does anyone wanna tell me they love that i get cold when it's 71 degrees out?

Shoutout to the moment in that one MST3K episode when a character that looks vaguely like Kissinger appears on screen as a car drives by and Crow T. Robot days “Henry Kissinger! Back up and run him over again!”

is this funny? i forgot how humor works

not a girl like she/her, a girl like muna's "kind of girl"

uh oh…. im drunk and i wanna hug all my friends. its frickin bats. i love halloween

i hate going to gay halloween parties. what do you mean you’re jimmy buffett double fisting margaritas in jurassic world

really sucks that twitter fell apart right when I was starting to share my little thoughts there, but not all my friends are here to hear them either. where am i to put my thoughts!

the thing is that my media taste is so bad that even my friends who say their media taste is also bad are for sure laughing at me

my life has been going so poorly lately that one (1) good opportunity has presented itself to me and my first reaction was "oh this has to be some sort of scam" lmao

lmao i’m such a fuckin loser bro

not to have unrealistic fantasies on main but it would be so cool if someone hugged me and said they were proud of me...

why can’t Sandra Bullock and Cate Blanchett just KISS ON THE MOUTH

🎶come sail away 🎶come sail away 🎶come sail away with Dracula

tomorrow i will be funny. today i must let the horrors consume me

You’ve heard of “jobs ghosting you after you apply”, now get ready for the NEW thing on the market: jobs ghosting you after THEY request an interview!

hey so i finished good omens and not to be dramatic but if i have to wait another four years for season 3 i am going to eat glass

my spicy oppenheimer take is that “oppie” is an unserious name and no amount of the movie indicating people really called him that will make me not giggle at it

I do not feel like I have value!!

got hoodwinked into doing a whole swing dance lesson today because a pretty girl smiled at me

"it's scabbing to talk about movies online," says annoying person who has made 30 tweets this week dunking on barbieheimer

talking about a movie isn't scabbing fyi. losers.

going on a christian movie review website to find out if we see oppenheimer’s dick

would love more fictional wlw couples (or queerbait, even!) with genuine sexual tension who also don't want to literally kill one another

everyone needs to watch nimona right the fuck now!

Hey real quick anyone wanna get obsessed with me?

today i saw a dog wearing little tiny crocs so that's a reason to live right there.

is this thing on?