Did way too much today because I don’t have help. This is why I don’t improve. I have to push myself too hard on a regular basis so the house doesn’t turn into a tip. If I had help for those things, I’d actually improve, and gain capacity. It’s happened before.

It’s me! Well now I’m just too sick for any of it :/ Thought I’d have time to myself as my son grew up. Sadly I’m very fucking sick now. Damnit! Never take anything for granted.

The new bird bed has been installed. The outdoor cushions have been hosed. The smaller cushions are mouldy and in a garbage bag. The doorbell camera is taken down and on charge. There’s heaps more to do, but I’m done. I’ll just rest now and wait for the consequences.

I desperately need a support worker. I’m currently trying to hose off the outdoor furniture cushions and get them in the sun to dry. Throw out some small mouldy cushions. Then clean all the cobwebs off the outdoor lounge frame. Then when all the cushions are dry, reassemble it and pop the cover on…

Coco loves her snuffle mat

Spying on the cat. She looks pretty damn comfortable.

They are saying it very clearly. If you get kicked off the NDIS, there is NOTHING for you.

Crashing very hard at the moment. Desperately need to do washing as I’ve run out of clothes. Absolutely no capacity to actually *do* it though. Between the new couch, a virus, and a birthday, I’m completely wrecked. Still coughing up gunk too :/

Really hating the Google Health app. The Fitbit app was way better. Was looking in the sleep section and it won’t tell me what time I woke up last night. I’d change my device if I hadn’t just fucking bought it 6 months ago :/

3am migraine? Really? Fabulous timing :/

So. Much. This.

The new couch is hurting my back in an unexpected way. Keeping the covers on it as they slide off, and constantly replacing the back cushions that the dog knocks over 🙄 Coco isn’t destructive on purpose. I’ve heard Staffies referred to as a tornado of bricks. I feel that’s pretty accurate. lol

It’s been a LONG time since I’ve done any art. Energy has been going on survival and essential cleaning/tidying. I’m still taking photos of all the medication I take. Planning to make some kind of project out of all the pictures. One day. If energy ever permits.

Nap time at Chez Rebel. Mika looks extra comfy. Mr23 and I are awake again now. Afternoon naps are great.

Crashing pretty hard. Very dizzy. Almost pass out just sitting. Dizzy spells while lying down too. I probably need some electrolytes, forgot last night and this morning. Hopefully that will help. Other than that, apart from 2 trips to the front door, I’m lying down and staying put.

Mr23 survived his birthday with no major drama. That’s a win :) I’m wrecked and my cough seems to be going strong. Had cake for breakfast, I’m sure that’ll make it better. Crashing pretty hard this week. Luckily nothing else is on for a few days. Hopefully lots of rest coming up.

Damnit. Passed out for an hour and now I’m awake at 11pm :/ This happens when I push myself too hard. Sleep isn’t voluntary, it’s just something that randomly happens. When you’re always pushing past your limits, you get used to living in the Zombie Zone™️ of functioning dead tired at all times.

Very exhausted but Mr23 has a friend over. I don’t mind, I’d just prefer they were a little quieter. It doesn’t involve any interaction from me, so I’m watching some Law & Order. Still need dinner but energy is gone. I’d pretty much kill for someone to cook me a steak, not that I have any lol

When I sung happy birthday to Mr23 Coco got very excited and sang along too. It was very cute.

It’s been a very crashy day. There was even an afternoon nap. Exhausted but still need to feed the animals. All the birthday stuff got done and he liked his presents. It’s been a low key day. Once I get the animals fed I can collapse. Need a rest first though.

Seems I’ve spent almost half my life as a mother. That’s really overwhelming. Didn’t expect to have to give up everything to be a full time carer. Being a single mother is fucking hard work. Double that with being severely ill for over a decade. Parenthood is not for the faint of heart.

We had cake! Happy Birthday Mr23.

Mr23 likes his presents :) He doesn’t have plans today. His bestie appears to be AWOL. I’ve got a cake and other food being delivered soon, hopefully that helps.

Good analogy

@spoonfulofhan.bsky.social

Making new friends as an introvert is hard because the people I’d probably get along with best are at home avoiding people too

My baby is 23 years old tomorrow…

There will be consequences for cleaning the kitchen. Hope they’re not too bad. Most of it was done while sitting. Feels much better not to be living in filth. Had to throw out wooden utensils left in the sink, because of black mould 🤢 Think my son thinks things magically clean themselves.

Well, there was more kitchen filth. The dishwasher is now on cleaning whatever I could fit in there. Lol Bench, draining board, drying rack all cleaned. I don’t know how anyone can just *happily* leave everything filthy. Mess does my head in, but energy constraints mean I can’t do much about it.

Well, I couldn’t take all the random stuff dumped on the kitchen bench, so I put it all away. Got it all cleaned and reorganised. There were jumper leads, a battery, tools, recycling, coins, all abandoned by Mr22. It pisses me off as I don’t even have the energy to clean up my own stuff 😑

@thedisableddiva on Insta

It’s finally quiet. Son is in bed and the animals have settled. I’m still going with Tales from the Crypt, so many well known actors, they were quite young back then too. It’s a bad pain night, it’s only 9°. Hopefully I actually get some sleep tonight. I’m wrecked.

Just got woken from a nap. I managed a whole 7 minutes sleep 😑 2 hours sleep last night, and 2 hours this morning. It’s just hit me like a tonne of bricks. Sadly Mr22 needs to cook in the kitchen soon 😭 I’m honestly full zombie right now.

Miss Mika is snoring. She likes to cuddle up to me in winter.

Think I’m getting better, from the virus anyway. Feeling a little more human. No longer have lungs that sound like wet Rice Bubbles. It’s really improving. Even managed to tolerate some filtered sunlight today. I love it when I can see the garden, it’s been sunny with blue skies too.

The dog took an interesting approach to her food puzzle lol

Been watching Season 6 of Tales from the Crypt. All sorts of famous actors are turning up in the episodes. It’s keeping me quite entertained.

Had a smashing headache last night and wanted a massage helmet. I don’t think they exist, but it would have come in handy.

Mr22 has gone out with his dad for a birthday lunch. Some time off for me today. Might sneak in another nap.

Involuntarily awake for sunrise. It’s pretty though

Took a good painkiller earlier tonight. Completely forgot they keep me awake. Currently watching old Law & Order at 2am.

It’s a comfort food night. I actually sound a little better tonight, might be winning against the germs. Energy levels are still dreadful, but I’m not rattling as much. It’s looking like it might actually get better, instead of turning into pneumonia?! Honestly shocked.

What do I do with a 3 seater couch with a big dent and broken row of springs? Not sure if I list it somewhere as a giveaway, or arrange a hard rubbish collection from the council? Or even just put it on the kerb. Or leave it at a bus stop without a seat? So many options 😱

The cat is keeping me company

It’s not a good night. Mr22 came home extremely upset :/

Oh this is absolutely heartbreaking share.google/WXg0raTI1IAu...

I have a selection of birthday cards to choose from. Can’t decide…

Dare I say my chest is a little better today? Hopefully it’s going away soon. My son is out at the racetrack with his carer today. There’s something on at The Bend. He qualifies for a carer, I don’t. It’s hard. He gets what he needs and I don’t. He watches cars while I can’t even wash myself 🤷‍♀️

Changed the litter tray at 1am because the cat was throwing a hissy fit. She’s quiet now. Hopefully it’s time to sleep.