Spent over 12 months waiting for an advocate. I am on 2 urgent waiting lists. Never heard a damn thing 🤷‍♀️

Existing in a weird situation at the moment. I’m both smothered and isolated, simultaneously. It sucks! My son really reminds me of his father. Feel like I did when he was a baby and I lived with his dad. Sadly, my son is way angrier more volatile than his dad :/

I slept!!! Hopefully more soon, it’s a bit early. Still actually slept though. Felt nice :)

Mika is howling because I’m not opening the door 😂

Feeling like I want to purge most of my wardrobe. Donate it to charity. I’m housebound, the clothes just sit there, ignored. Quite possibly being eaten by moths. I’d need someone to help me go through it all 🤔

Think I’ve done my dash. Must have done too much over the last few months. Even with pacing and lots of rest, not pushing myself too hard, looks like I’m back to being ‘severe’, after a springtime reprieve. Really hoping I’m wrong, but don’t have a good feeling about it.

Haven’t done a single thing today. My internal ableism is telling me I’m lazy *sigh* Need as much rest as I can get. This crash doesn’t seem to be going anywhere :/

Last chance saloon….. I’m so grateful to everyone, I’ll never stop being grateful, I wish everyone could understand how much this means to me. Thanks to everyone. #Kikorangi

Someone has angered the sun gods

Mr22 has put my old treadmill in his games room/gym. It is the tiniest space. He won’t even have room to fart. Haven’t made it down the hall yet to actually see. He’s got it running though, I can hear it!

Seem to have come up with a design & declutter plan for my bedroom now. Can’t do it alone though, and don’t have help, so I’m a bit stumped. Hopefully the gardener can do the handyman bits, like hanging plant rails and hooks. Sadly I need help with the whole lot though. Very frustrating.

Another night of crap sleep. Still in a big crash. Going a bit stir crazy though. I need something, not sure what. A change of scenery would be amazing, but I’m not even well enough to sit outside. Also, it’s 36°C out there. Staring at the tv from the couch it is.

I need a holiday. Between Mr22 and the animals, I just don’t get any sleep 😭

3am, dog needed outside. Cat escaped. Guess I’m waiting for her to come home now :/

@itsachronicthing

Someone is trying to hack my old insta account. Weird.

Uh oh. Got up. Dizzy. Balance is fucked. Best lie straight back down. It’ll be safer. lol

Pretty sure I’m allergic to my cat. My nose itches like crazy whenever I pat her. She’s currently moulting, making it much worse. Might have to do antihistamines while she’s losing so much hair. Can’t stop rubbing my nose.

10pm and I’m still awake after less than 4 hours sleep last night. My brain just doesn’t want to switch off :/ Came close to a nap this afternoon but a delivery turned up and well, ocd took over and I had to go sort the package. It’s been a week since I’ve slept more than 3-5 hours. Frustrating

Oh hey, wanna win one of my biggest, best pieces of work? A cross stitch that took almost a year to complete, hundreds of hours of cross-eye inducing hyper focus… ? I’ll ship anywhere. If so, tip me before Monday here: ko-fi.com/ciaraaxstitch #craft #embroidery #creators

On a bit of a blocking spree at the moment. No patience for stupid questions right now.

These two champions left the groceries on the ground next to the trolley 🙄

Today I feel like I’ll die if I don’t get some sleep. It’s *that* bad. Painsomnia truly sucks.

Mr22 comes in to ask when we’re getting groceries. I ask him what he wants and he says he’s too stressed to decide. Suppose I’ll just have to guess what he wants after less than 4 hours sleep 🤷‍♀️

Oh great. Another night with only 4 hours sleep. That’s would be the 5th night in a row 😭

Really wish my brain had a mute button

In a crash. So. Much. Pain. 2:30am, haven’t slept a wink. I’d almost kill for a good long sleep.

Also, picking a fight when someone has already said they are bedridden and living in hell, is pretty damn low TBH.

Someone thinks I’m basically a conspiracy theorist for thinking that assisted suicide is a step down a shady path & may lead to bad outcomes The world is a dark place right now. Genocide, fascism, ICE kidnapping & deporting people. Sick and disabled people are incredibly vulnerable right now.

Broke my golden rule of the internet. Never argue with idiots. I’m gonna need a chill pill.

Some people are so damn ignorant it’s driving me a little nuts.

It’s another one of those nights

Oh this pill diary pic looks a bit arty

A jelly cup was not an adequate dinner choice

So many eugenicists around these days.

Absolutely horrifying. A new low for America. newrepublic.com/post/205330/...

So exhausted. Definitely in a full crash. I have that “can someone look after me?” feeling.

So much ignorance in the community around assisted dying. Able bodied people think everyone who needs healthcare can get it. Assisted suicide is a very slippery slope. Who legislates who can be killed? Start with the sick, then the disabled? They are granting assisted dying for poverty now 🤷‍♀️

It's just so gross

Finally! A nap! Only an hour, but actually fell asleep for a little while.

Some new badges arrived yesterday…

Oops. Definitely did too much yesterday. Feeling like roadkill today. I’m going to reschedule next week’s dentist appointment. No one can take me and I’m not doing well enough to get myself there and back. Damn I hate the phone calls to rebook stuff 😬

New reading glasses arrived! I can see better now. Bigger magnification this time. Should have done it ages ago.

So, slept from 11 till midnight. Now I’m wide awake again :/ My body and sleep are just not getting it together right now.

Long day. I’d really like more than 4 hours sleep tonight. There was unpacking and sorting to do today. Sat up too much. Installed a 5m shower hose. Nailed a couple of things to the walls. Did other little things too. Currently exhausted but awake because my entire body fucking hurts 😭

One of my favourite things lately is the enclosed kitty litter tray I bought. Mika uses it just fine. I no longer have to rush to the laundry, gagging after she visits. The smell is gone. I can clean it when it’s convenient for me, instead of being a prisoner to the cat’s bowel movements.

Oh no. The cute gardener thinks the moon is fake 🙄 He’s still pretty to look at though 😂