i don't like that man

asking my dog if he's mad at me

me to someone having a kid: you know you have to keep them forever right? even if they're ugly

one battle after another - worst movie title ever created, i will not be taking any questions at this time thank you very much

Customer: (not on record) DMV: ? Verdict: ACCEPTED

i'm ugly

drag king named max dividends

i feel like someone is mad at me but i can't figure out who.......... please just tell me if it's you

family love fagz??? no bitch

i don't care what your podcast is about, if you have a british accent i will listen

angle of my dreams

this is so me coded

you're an adult named kimmy??

ok we are done with cynthia from rugrats as a halloween costume this year yes we are done with that

DONT TALK AT A CONCERT

this garden i volunteer in always says to bring extra gloves and extra tools in their social media posts and then every time i show up with extra tools and gloves they look at me like i'm a psychopath

your followers and following should always be close to one another, if they ever diverage that's my time to unfollow

what the fuck is lemon8

nothing makes me hornier than a straight man speaking passionately about plants

has anyone ever had a potted bird of paradise that bloomed

multiple families brought children to this screening of downton and let them use ipads in the theatre during the movie

how do i make my oil change about me

what's the easiest way to acknowledge how hot thomas haden church is?

asking my dog: "are you mad at me"

fall is coming with a pumpkin in the mouth

just watched the lighthouse for the first time. and that's why we should never let men do anything unsupervised.

i just got visited by the ghost of ava max.

having to watch project runway with ads on hulu is simply not worth it

who up and acting grand

drag queen name: betty machete

the heat drains me

we need more rom coms in space

bactine would be such a cute name for a girl

did yall know that i've been writing about plants every single week? over the past 3 weeks I've been focusing on the problems that can derail plant health, whether outdoors or indoors, including issues caused by people as well as pests and diseases. check it out open.substack.com/pub/lambtime...

drag queen name: Leda Horsetowater

me at a dance party: so how do you feel about carrotwood trees?

i swear we used to have words for these

Gunckel’s Service Verona, OH

went to a work happy hour and didn't drink bc i knew i would talk shit otherwise

labor day? sounds like a lot of work ha ha

tired

i think most people assume the hadron collider sent us into a different timeline but i know it was the premature death of madeline kahn that did it

i'd fuck the murderbot

i am the ultimate prude but i honestly can't believe adult people use vapes

i worked really really hard today and i think i deserve something

i love to laugh

DON'T THUMBS UP AN EMAIL DON'T THUMBS UP AN EMAIL DON'T THUMBS UP AN EMAIL DON'T THUMBS UP AN EMAIL DON'T THU

every single time our dishwasher overflows

oh no the honcho girlies are back online everybody hide