locking in; an accountability thread

nobody who fully knows my trauma will ever see me as human

i hate myself so fucking bad i died in that bed in that cafe on that couch in that bathroom in that house in his hands theres nothing in me that remains he shouldve fucking killed me

forcing myself to ignore my survival instincts until i slowly erase them because thats a normal thing to want and need

Back up account for @llawfully.bsky.social in case I get nuked <3

fast ended!!

// bodycheck still so fucking fat, jesus CHRIST

Accountability thread <333

ive had lile 0 appetite all day this fast wasnt even tough like deadass 0 appetite i drank tea i rhink it helped that i was walking around all day w my friend who also ddinr get food so i wasnr tempted

couldnt fast yesterfay so im fasting today <33

vibezz

i cant get myself to actually write stories so ive been writing letters about how i feel and i feel SICK i hate being in touch w my emotions i just like being numb this was a stupid idea

writing long fucking letters about making someone love a lie and then continuing to make someone love a lie i am truly a horrible person

i feel like i am predestined to love the men who leave me

i have insane abandonment issues

istg i keep losing and gaining the same 5kg i get down to 48kg, i gain up to 53kg, i get down to 48kg, i gain up to 53kg, rinse and repeat i am so sick of this i got down to 44kg one time and i need to get back there, this is sickening

had minimelts today and i was in HEAVENNNNNNNN i havent had those in YEARS 100000/10

need need neeeed to lose my period again the dysphoria is fucking killing me motivation to restrict harder i guess

im lowkey excited to go back, I want my fucking routineeee like consistent wake up time? consistent activities daily? knowing what will happen next? PLEASE like, i love my free time, and getting enough sleep but god this unpredictability is KILLING ME

ACCOUNTANTABILTY THREAD TIME!!!! not low res like i hoped but oh well, need to start somewhere

i need to break it again but noooo my bf is coming over in two days so no cuts ;((( time to bash my knees against the flooorrrrr yipee

I AM BACK I NEED TO GET SICK ENOUGH TO WORRY PPL HI YALL, IM BACCKKKKKKKKK

im never eating again *eats* im never eating again *eats* im never eating again *eats* im never eating again *eats* im never eating again *eats* im never eating again *eats* im never eating again *eats* im never eating again *eats* im never eating again *eats* im never eating again *eats* im never e

just broke a 3 month unintentional clean streak bc my boyfriend is gonna be away for almost a month and therefore the scars will have enough time to heal bh then yipeeee

i need to cut i need to cut i need to cut i need to cut i need to cut i need to cut i need

im like 53kg rn which at my height is a fucking disgrace im almost bmi 19 i hate myself sm

anyways....

im back bc i finally gained the self awareness to realize just how fucking fat i ammmmmmm

i just watched a child die a kid 7, from what ive heard a little kid he fell out of a window on the 7th floor couldnt save him im going to throw up i honestly dont know what to do

back at that point of my ed where i sob in grocery shops bc my brain is convinced we dont have any money and therefore buying anything is bad

sending my bf (nonsexual) pics always has the same vibe as taking a bodycheck ngl like heres my body in this clothing please dont notice the fat

havent been restricting mych these past days bc ive just been insanely stressed time to restrict a bit more again

just felt embarrassed bc my bfs parents saw me have an insane reaction to seeing him w a bass in his hands, but then i remembered that hus mom saw him physically stop to stare at my tits, so i think hes having a much more awkward evening rn

nah being groomed by a sh fetishizer didnt affect me and my mental illness that much (i cut my tongue when i want to feel attractive)

he made me forget about calories entirely which is insane like he was so good to me he made me forget about it all i drank lemonade and didnt think about the calories, i tried his milkshake and wasnt afriad jeez, hes dangerous

going on a date tmrw so im not eating any more today despite having a 500 limit bc i dont want to look fat tmrw

idea for tmrw is to not eat anything until lunch, then eat like a bag of jerky maybe and a ricecake which should be around 93 out of my limit of 115 and then we'll see

only 13k today, but most of it was uphill through a forest, so im still happy now back to 5k everyday bc my knees and ankles r not handling it lmaoo

chronic pain and and ed mixing is so fun, wdym i cant walk more than 5k without my ankles becoming a mess and being in severe pain for the next week

15k steps today, im so happy 15k more to come tmrw hopefully my ankles r dead

two awkward people dating is fun until you both "i dont want to make him uncomfortable" your way into being too shy to HOLD HANDS

this was answered for me he asked me out im dating him now he was, in fact, flirting w me

yall how do I know if hes flirting or being a friendly guy...

literally who DOESN’T want to die

i would never tell my friends this but i hate that they refer to me as a whore/slut/hoe bc it always brings up memories of being assaulted/groomed im not even promiscuous or anything, ive had 4 relationships in my whole life and 1 in the past 3 yrs and idk makes me want to curl up and cry

So uhm UPDATE TIME He confessed to one of my friends that hes in love w me???? and has been???? for 7 months now????? woah?????? i dont know what to do now????? i know i like him??? but how do i do this??? im a grown man how do i not know how to hit on someone???? ive been in relationships??? help??

food, who cried