Did the Bluesky icon change? If so, change it back. I feel like the blue is different.

IS THIS GAME STILL ON

this season

Being a Commanders fan is a humiliation ritual

I am the preferred human of both dogs tonight instead of just the usual one and honestly I’m honored

I’m debating on whether to give out full sized candy bars this year. Mainly because I plan on giving out candy for approximately 35 minutes.

Do not recommend a bike to me, Uber. The hell is wrong with you?

Anyway, so today we’re coloring surfboards!

I have my adult coloring book and markers ready because the Commanders aren’t about to steal my joy today. I will be coloring the moment I start feeling rage.

If all you have left is AI slop …

Fight the urge to go dunk on trollish USG accounts; it's like mud wrestling with a pig, you both get dirty and the pig likes it. Instead, focus on picking Bluesky fights like Alf intended: by willfully misunderstanding skeets from people who actually agree with you entirely

The Perfect Neighbor has absolutely wrecked me. I was not prepared. My word.

On a school night at that

…

I do not wish to be tortured by election ads for the next few weeks pls

We’re getting favorable officiating and still fuckin up 🫩

Hey don’t piss me off tonight, Commanders

I think I’ll know that I’ve become a Real Adult™️ when I stop opening packages like a T-Rex

Please investigate why United’s WiFi works long enough for you to purchase it before the network is suddenly ✨unavailable✨, Pam Bondi

That Big, Beautiful, Bill.

I allowed a youth at the boba shop to convince me to try the pumpkin spice matcha. I am of the belief that matcha tastes like my front yard. However, I also love a lil permken sperrrrrce. It is absolutely scrumptious. 10/10.

Both the vibes and the weather on the Hill today are immaculate. (Today is Opposite Day.)

That was torture

🇵🇷🇵🇷🇵🇷🇵🇷

So nice seeing those guys (and our fanbase!) having a little fun out there. Lord knows we deserve it

“This Commanders team is absolutely ancient. Oldest in the league. A bunch of fossils OMG. Not in the real world, but in the football world these muthafuckas are OLD. Look at this graphic of all these grandpas!” — The announcers (Average age is 28. 😭)

What a coincidence that suddenly my Google and dropbox accounts are all suddenly so full that I need to upgrade to a monthly subscription-based service

I can’t walk both of my dogs at the same time because when they’re together they act like delinquents, so when walking (especially at night) I can’t decide if it’s smarter to take the pitbull who looks scary but is also useless, or the mutt who doesn’t look scary but will actually kill someone. Hmm.

What a thrilling little game

Very relaxing season opener, Commandos. Thank you. 🫶🏾

You should be able to send your spouse to jail for 1 business day if you are peacefully enjoying your music and they (unbeknownst to you) start a jam on Spotify and disrupt your peace. Please go AWAY.

YES.

Not sure if it’s common practice for the automated “PULL UP” and “WIND SHEAR” and “TERRAIN” alerts to be blaring from the cockpit during boarding but … I mean I’m glad the alerts work but plisss! 🥴

And it wasn’t even like ooooo let me get there super early so I have more time to explore and have fun. It is a work trip. I’m getting up extra early to fly to and work in another state. (Said state is very beautiful so I do have that going for me.)

Booking a 5 AM flight is quite possibly the stupidest thing I’ve ever done in my life and I’ve done a lot of stupid things

Jesse Palmer is Canadian. Hm.

I’ve been patient enough. I’ve unleashed all of the fall scents upon my family. Fall leaves, cinnamon, pumpkin spice, brown butter pecan, an oddly shaped pumpkin-vanilla wax warmer … IT👏🏾IS👏🏾TIME👏🏾

The Breast Enhancement community knew, and you didn’t listen.

Anyway, have a great Thursday.

I need to admit that I ate McDonald’s two days in a row, but that’s because I just got my taste back and my body was yearning for a Filet-O-Fish. I’d also been drinking that new weird blue and pink milkshake while I was sick for its soothing properties, but now that I can taste it I am REPULSED.

I did not see a single episode of Love Island and became inundated with clips over the past two weeks and please believe I’m going to be SATTT for the reunion tonight.

Sam Hartman, man that you are. You gotta get off my team, baby.

I’m on day 5 of not being able to taste or smell anything and I’ve reached my breaking point. (It’s not Covid this time allegedly.)

I very well could be missing it, but the Libertarians are awfully quiet these days. All this government/military takeover stuff is usually their jam.

I can’t tell if I like Poppi soda or if I’m trying to convince myself that I like Poppi soda.

For the first time in my entire life I was out getting day drunk and ran into my MOM who is volunteering with her Adventist church group. Pls help. I met all of her very sober church friends who are out at the waterfront serving the LORD while I am on my 10th Hugo Spritz 😭😭😭

Hm.

Hayley Williams is that girl

Quorum has been trying to woo me for about a year now and they have just delivered cupcakes to my office. Quorum, if you’re reading this, I love a sweet treat. Thank u. Love u. I cannot afford it in my budget. But tysm. 💕

Guys. That woman on TikTok who believes her psychiatrist is in love with her and is utilizing her Chabot (Henry) to help her process it is legitimately scaring me