2026 - the year of learning how to rest. And like all good New Year’s resolutions - the best time to start is any time you like. But generally before the designated day. It helps to hold it more lightly.

I really don’t think my brain or my being fully understands the concept of rest. It is a skill I’m going to have to intentionally relearn.

Q for my autistic identifying peeps out there? Have you ever got into conflict with people because routines/ habits are interpreted as something else? For example virtue or commitment?

General shitty feeling and arm soreness both wearing off after 24 hours. For a Covid jab - that’s getting off pretty lightly. For me - having six monthly boosters also reduces the severity of the side effects of the vaccines. The flu jab was worse this year.

It is a sunny morning and I should like to go outside and partake. But my arm hurts and I could cheerfully stay in bed.

Post Covid jab Blllleeeuuurrrgghhh!

Apparently today it's #SmallBusinessSaturday a great idea to shop small and get something unique and hand made. www.etsy.com/uk/shop/Craf...

R.I.P. Tom Stoppard. A A very clever and humane playwright.

If you live around Austin/central Texas, these two are looking for a home, and I would like someone I follow to adopt them so I can carry on seeing videos of Little Big Fat and his adorable noises, please.

Chaps. Chaps. I think I might be a tiny bit better. I actually had the thought “I wonder if there are any films I want to watch on iPlayer”. I can tell when the brain is really done in because I can’t handle TV.

Finally got my Covid booster. Had to go the Boots in Westfield Stratford to get it because it was the only way I could coordinate it with a day where I could lie down afterwards. There was some hand flapping but I managed not to have a meltdown.

The biggest problem with GenerativeAI is that governments are unwilling to regulate emerging technologies properly. There should be an onus to demonstrate with evidence that these things - have the benefits claimed off them - are safe for humans Much like we do with new medicines.

My wild theory is that as the AI bubble deflates - employers will go back looking for people with critical thinking skills and authentic voices. The students who are reliant on GenAI will struggle in assessment centres. There will be more in-person interviews.

Right. I’m going to have a stretch and cause myself some pain with foam roller and tennis ball. The I’m going to put clean pyjamas on.

Moooo!

God productivity is such a miserable and tiring measure of worth. To just be able to be. To watch the birds do bird things. To enjoy life’s small pleasures even in the midst of chaos. I could still sleep for a week. I sense that I’ll know that I’m rested when I start feeling bored.

My brain faced with any kind of instructions at the moment. Reads one sentence. Nopes out.

I signed up for a short course today and tomorrow. And as well as wishing I’d tried to log in earlier I am also regretting not phoning up and saying “yeah, sorry, my life has kind of imploded any chance I could roll my place forward to the next time?”

Not only do I have my ducks in a row*. They light up. . . . *I didn’t say they were all facing in the same direction.

I kind of feel like I should be having at least a glass of Prosecco. The reality is that the *last* thing my system wants today is alcohol.

I have submitted the application/ request for voluntary redundancy. 😬💔😀😕😭🥳😱 Fuuuuuuuuuuuck. I *know* the job market sucks right now. But the redundancy entitlement is generous and I have been saving accordingly *for some time*.

Gah. Doing a short course tomorrow and for *reasons* left setting it up until today. How hard can it be, right? Turns out my account is locked because I did a different short course three years ago. Guys. Guys. You know moodle allows GUEST account passwords.

Maybe I should treat myself as the complex rechargeable creature that I am instead of like the fucking Duracell Bunny that just keeps going and going until it stops.

Morning fuss time. #EverybodyLovesMousecow

It occurred to me last night that I am now on my fourth self-referral for talking therapy. All four times failures of senior management at my employer of 18 years were a significant contributing stressor. In two cases it was the main issue.

I had an osteopath treatment* and done a little John Lewis retail therapy with vouchers from the work prize I won (ironically within days I was at risk of redundancy). Need to lie down. *he’s good & has diagnosed and treated stuff NHS doctors were useless for. Practitioners May vary. You do you.

People of Hastings!

At least the fucking two child benefit cap has gone. This is unequivocally the morally right thing to do.

Something I think is missing in the debate about ultra processed food is just how much more effort cooking from scratch requires. I’ve been having a stressful time recently. I have been away from home off and on. I’m usually pretty good at cooking from scratch for myself.

Even *knowing* that I’m knackered and that have space to be resting - my brain is waving a menu of things it thinks I “should” be doing at me like sommelier on crack. I have *no idea* how this pattern leads to burn-out. 🙄 Oh brain. Oh brainy brain brain. You have been given some time to rest.

I went to Lidl and it was horrible and I wanted to walk out. But I stayed and got my shopping done. There was supermarket radio on in the background and I felt it as physical discomfort. I think I need to pluck up the courage to ask to go on a waiting list for autism assessment.

In English, someone who is being persistently annoying can be referred to as a “pain in the arse.” My favourite German equivalent is Nervensäge, which means “nerve saw”

I wrote this in the summer sometime with the work team mates who are also being reorganised in mind. Subconsciously I was writing about what I need. Which is probably often the case. (Pdf available on request)

Sensory overload.

I could use a couple of clones. One to do my job. Another to deal with the rolling family crises. Then I can sleep and play the piano for a bit.

Ahhhh. The unmistakable aroma of the Central Line. Almost home. ❤️

And here is UKHE’s main vulnerability to AI. Steep hierarchies. And management pickled in neoliberal ideology that barely works for business, never mind the entirely different beats of education and research.

Look I’m not saying there was a failure to think through this design in this colour but my slippers have big haiy balls. At least I have a pair of slippers now.

Finally found the missing second slipper. The day before I leave. Typical.

Yup. See also: removing any stressors and/ or making any actual adjustments.

Sings: 🎼a first draft. It doesn’t have to be good. It just has to exist. Lalalalala.

Right. Coffee. Toast. Still in the “I just need to get x, y and z done and then I can rest” phase of abject burn-out. I can see how I’m my own worst enemy. The puzzle is how I unravel the jacket I have crocheted for myself out of competence and conscientiousness.

I should note that this has been a massive, almost passive aggressive act of self-care. I have principally been concentrating on clearing a space for my brother and I to be able to rest in when we need or want to stay here.

Swedish Death cleaning - but for someone else. Who isn’t dead yet. But *is* Swedish. I really can only say that it makes me want to do it in my own flat. And then keep things that way.* Except maybe for books. Though I am much improved at circulating books back out into the world. *I won’t.

*Whispers* Can we get to 200,000 members? 💚

Somehow managed to do a couple of podcasts worth of decluttering. Though somehow that took less brain power.

So tired. Looking at the personal alarm set up and thinking “tomorrow?”.