You can't park there, sir.

This is the hook echo you dragged my ass out of bed for? Dogs are NOT happy about this. Real talk: I know and adore the person who made the call to sound the sirens and am eternally grateful for the skeletal NWS for waking his ass up, too. @altnws.bsky.social I see you. ❤️

Old man decided to step up on my vicious pibble and start shit. She sure showed him. Oh the violence!

So, uh, I have a pool now if anyone wants to go swimming.

Where is our Justice Black? Where are the journalists who had this kind of fortitude and integrity? Black is the reason we cannot unilaterally ban people based on age. This man was dragging ass and this case literally brought him life.

It's not been a good week so I decided it was time to rescue a new rose bush from the shelter. LISTEN. The garden center is not a forever home, so I rescued it.

I would be interested to hear why his detail didn't actually do their jobs... Unless they were told to stand down, given he knows the crazies aren't actually after him. Super sus how often someone with a weapon gets near him.

PREACH, MS. JONES!

I had been paid for 14 whole minutes before I bought this and started listening today. I am hoping to spread as much info for my agency. Thanks for your bravery, Nicholas.

This is a CRAZY hook echo. There is no way this tornado isn't on the ground. But it's pretty ballsy of mother nature to try and shaft me of my dick jokes in an extremely serious situation. (Cass/Bates county line near I-49, please take cover.)

The real most wonderful time of the year.

Pengy in her full perfection! 😍

The petals look nearly black in the sun, but I couldn't wait to take a photo. This is one of my top 5 flowers, wish says something for someone who has thousands. I call her Pengy.

I fucking needed this so bad today. I'm so tired of fragile masculinity.

Man murders his seven children, an eighth child who was not biologically his, and shoots his wife and girlfriend. It was the 136th mass shooting this year, the 17th of which was a domestic shooting (all domestics were perpetrated by men). Just in case anyone has forgotten why we'd choose the bear.

There is a person in my life I have been trying to explain this to. Maybe he'll listen to a man. Also, I love this, but he's right that this shouldn't be novel or applauded. This should be what all men who aren't abusive say, all the time.

THE BUMBLES HAVE ARRIVED! @altfws.altgov.info ❤️

The IRS can catch more human trafficking than any other department. It can catch more sex slavery rings. It can catch almost all large scale illegal activity better than other agencies because it has access to everything. There is a reason the wealthy want it defunded beyond taxes.

When your tank is beyond empty, you can't still be running on E. So are you running on F? Lack of Fs? Ls? I would be lying if I said I didn't at least partially miss the days that I was fueled strictly by Captain Morgan, nicotine, and hormones.

Welcome to the Midwest, where there's always some idiot disappointed that the tornado warning turned into a moist, windy, nothing. It's me. I'm the idiot.

YouTube: wow, we had a record $60B revenue in 2025! That's more than Netflix! Also YouTube: better raise subscription costs by 17%. Y'know... Just in case. Or something.

The difference between Republicans and Democrats is that when Donald Trump is accused of raping underage girls, Republicans only make excuses for him. But when Eric Swalwell is accused of raping grown women, Democrats say, “If that proves to be true, there is NO excuse for that.”

It's telling that almost all vocal party defectors are women. The majority of men are so afraid of equity that they support all of this. Yeah I said all. The vast majority of men either didn't vote or voted for this. Both of those things indicate support.

Welcome to the mini tulip show. We need a feed cleanser.

Yesterday I decided to cut this down by myself. I decided to use nothing but a chainsaw because my brain needed to let my body work hard enough to drown it out. 1/

First, yay UChicago! ❤️❤️❤️ Second, everyone is making a big deal about Yale losing the top spot, but given that it's a fucking clown college, being ranked equally with a prestigious school still feels inflated.

Congratulation to Astronaut Christina Koch to be the first woman in history to get that far away from dangerous sexual predator Donald Trump.

Space missions have never been all that interesting to me, but I am loving this one. The crew is so human and their mission is novel. I just love them.

I hadn't seen this before. This is pretty remarkable. Earth and Moon in one NASA photo. ht @astrokatie.com

PSA for the menfolk: There is nothing wrong with offering to help a woman... Once. Because that's how many times you would offer to help another man, and respect them if they said no. Maybe even grab some popcorn if you thought they were doing something stupid. 1/2

JS nailed it as always.

Ugh it's Monday and I have my first hearing tomorrow against the IRS. I think I will take the day off so I can take care of pressing issues like cutting the dead tree down in my back yard and rewiring part of the basement (obviously).

Facts.

Some of my favorite blasphememes on this Zombie Jeebus Day.

The FEMA idiot's claims of teleporting makes me feel the need to remind my fellow mayosapiens that we did not invent and/or discover everything. People have been blackout drunk before you, dummy.

I need everyone to listen to Oath and Honor by @lizcheney.bsky.social. She and I are not of the same party, but she knows right from wrong when it's most important. It's a hard and powerful listen.

You cannot possibly imagine how exciting my life is when I am sitting down to read this... Especially given I am not an electrician.

Can we talk about how cool it is that only six white male Republicans voted to impeach the second time, and TWO were from Michigan? For good and bad, my people are just built different. (Also, I'm listening to Liz Cheney's book rn.)

I did not have Mitch McConnell taking our side on my 2026 bingo card.

And Jerk Ass Homer goes last.

Mom had to get in the back seat and push me out of the car to see the vet, but I didn't die!

I got my vaccines like a big girl and didn't try to murder anyone like I do when I get my nails done!

Sometimes I do things that I don't realize were kind of incredible until well after the fact... I legit just realized that a little over a year ago, the PedoFuhrer gave me an order, and I said "no thanks." I actually haven't stepped foot in my building since. And yes, I still have my job.

"The expectations for men are really in the ground. We need to do something about that, ladies."

Everything is terrible so I'm having the most Michigan dinner ever.

There are few more disgusting things I can conceive of, tbh. The Marine Corps was the first to ban Confederate flags. The first to welcome day and trans members. The first to largely ignore the color line because they're all equally trash on this island. It makes me physically ill.

Twice a year, every year, I have to Google the correct direction for my ceiling fan just in case I woke up in the middle of the night and changed it without knowing, I guess. Why am I like this lol.

Something in my eye... We don't deserve dogs, but pibbles are an extra gift.

@isdjtalive.bsky.social has inspired me to make a related account. He's not the only monster in this world! Plus we can look back in history and smile! @anther1bitesthdust.bsky.social

Today I was asked about what medics have nightmares about because I had mentioned that when I dream, they're nightmares. One of the answers is "the friends we couldn't save." I miss you, Jamie.