Apparently TikTok has made Tiny Tim’s “Tiptoe Thru The Tulips” into a thing. The kids in class were surprised I knew who he was. I was like “of course I know Tiny Tim! He was famous since the 60s and he was on the Howard Stern show.” The kid looks at me blankly. “What’s that?”

Ugh

Jupiter and Venus this morning

RIP Tom Lehrer

“I never wrote a picture in my life.” Classic.

For many people, today is the last day they will have with 10 fingers.

Here he is, folks. The President of the United States selling his new men’s cologne for $199 and women’s perfume for $249.

I asked Google the price difference between the Kia Soul and Kia Forte and this is what I got.

This is a very niche joke but it made me laugh

My seniors got me a flag for my office as a graduation gift. Speechless.

There’s always a tweet.

The Pee Wee doc on Max is fantastic. So is the “Joan is Awful” episode of Black Mirror that I just rewatched. Hilarious and clever as hell.

RIP to the composer who was so essential to the texture of The Simpsons for over 20 years. i've enjoyed episodes since he left, but i can say without a doubt the background music is now terrible to the point of being distracting (it's shocking they don't even try to emulate Clausen's style)

Someone at Home Chef is gunning for a raise, or else just doesn’t care anymore

I recently tried out a dog training service called PawChamp and when I went to watch the videos, they are all terrible A.I. robots and it’s impossible to listen to. Avoid PawChamp if you were ever considering it.

Just a little note because it's been driving me nuts watching these words blend: - wary means apprehensive. - weary means tired. "I am wary of snake oil salesmen." "I have labored too long and now I am weary." These are different words! Please use them accordingly!

George went.

Hats off to the Musicians Union!! #BruceSpringsteen #TaylorSwift

I just finished rewatching Bojack Horseman. Easily in my top 5 TV shows of all time.

15 years ago

LOL. Sigh...

My documentary has been held over for another week!

“Don’t you have a duty to uphold the constitution?” “I don’t know. I’m not a lawyer.” Fuck off and die.

April 25

Why do I bother making these signs?

“It’s faster to deny people due process. You’re welcome.” I mean it’s literally happening before our lazy, complacent eyes.

At what point did it become normalized to call it a “sound BYTE?”

Guy at the register hands me receipt. Me: Thanks Guy: Yes.

Did they deport the Florida shooter yet?

Why have laws at all, then? Fuck this guy. Fuck him deep into the ground.

My dog when I leave the house: NOOO!!!! Barkbarkbark! I can’t believe you’re leaving! My dog when I come home: OHMYGOD BARKBARKBARK THANK GOD YOU’RE BACK!!! My dog when I go to sit next to her and give her pets & cuddles: Actually I’ma go check out the other room k bye.

There’s a little housing development for stray cats in the middle of the woods near my house

I will judge you for saying “how it looks like” instead of “what it looks like.” Oh yes, I will.

Wow