Gen Xers are crazy, real conversation overheard at work A: you ever go into those massage chairs at the mall? B: yeah but they’re a little rough A: yeah that’s the way I like it hahaaaa I’m in there like AaAaAaAaAaAaAaAa people walking by looking at me like I’m a weirdo

tonight’s work partner literally chain smokes cigars the smell is doing a number on my sanity

Pro israel coworker called herself a leftist, more at 3

Did you guys know that half the women on raya work in medical device sales and live in NYC

huh, according to the Chinese it’s the year of my ex

I think fb is imploding cause I just got a video ad of a woman uncensoredly fingerbanging herself til she squirted

“free speech app” but I can’t tell a rapist to kill themselves

can someone point me in the direction of the boobies and butts accounts. I’ve had two 13% beers and they are hittin

“Do you hate me” but at my dog

my biggest ick? failing to close the parentheses

I can tell the last of my loverboy tendencies haven’t been totally snuffed out because I still wish I had someone to buy flowers for when I go to the grocery store

just got diagnosed with psoriasis who want me

bowling so underrated like yeah I wanna whip this heavy ass ball and knock stuff down tbh

my job on the commune would be rebound fuck

boobs are unfortunately pivotal to my mental health

remembered how easy fish is to season and cook today, and salad kits are $3.50 at acme. connecting a lot of dots, leveling up, etc

saying you want a “friends to lovers romance” on a dating app makes me think you don’t know how a “friends to lovers romance” works

This app has a huge bot problem

I would much rather walk to checkout with an armful of groceries instead of using a cart. give me my baskets back

matched with the artist of my 6th most listened Spotify song on Raya but she hasn’t messaged me back should I kill myself

I’ve been hallucinating the “key in ignition and door open” sound for six hours

if you get faster than 99% of CEOs in every LinkedIn puzzle game they should give you the name and address of 1 CEO

giving my dog a bath bc he’s itchy and I love him

I’m gonna call it right now, the next person I fall in love with is not going to be looking for a relationship

I Don’t Believe That You Didn’t Have Time To Change Out Of Your Medical Scrubs Before Coming To This Public Place

I got three boxes of Trader Joe’s triple ginger snaps who want me

Colin Robinson playing catan

my parents: are you bored or are you boring me: you raised me. self own

HOLY FUCK PLEASEEEE PLEASEEEEEE PLEASEEEEEEE CLASS CONSCIOUSNESSES IS SO CLOSE I’M LITERALLY ON MY KNEES BEGGING TO GOD FOR REPUBLICAN CLASS CONSCIOUSNESS

does everyone have read receipts on these days? am I old and out of touch?

here’s to all the inspired copycat criminals 🍻

my most problematic take is that some people really do have “I’m going to cheat on you with a coworker” vibes

sorry but it IS creepy to find me on Facebook because you saw me on hinge. Arguably the most creepy app to find me on! With my full government name. weird as fuck actually!

it’s not gay if it’s the hat man

Millions Make Merry

Mass Murderer Murked in Midtown Manhattan

peak design PR team scrambling to put out a statement

This is not a loss for the healthcare community. A doctor dying would have a tangible net negative effect on people saved. A CEO whose job it is to extract money from sick people dying is always a net positive.

2,668 billionaires on the wall, 2668 billionaires! Take one down, pass it around, 2667 billionaires on the wall…

every paramedic you know is secretly judging you based on how hard it would be to extricate someone from your house

deleted the Twitter app but not the account how long til someone gets mad at me for not answering a dm

this is soooo me

It’s so funny watching James Bond goldeneye in the 2020s and remembering how much anti-Russia Cold War propaganda there was even in the 90s lol

Fruity pebbles are not very fruity, but no other pebble comes half as close

I don’t fuck losers because they are no longer a loser by virtue of having fucked me

no yeah yeah no yeah I can definitely “yaaaay” my way out of this one