The latest instalment of my #subbuteo serial. Read and subscribe via bit.ly/4iTqiRx #memoir #writing #toys

08:10hrs Indoor hat ✓ Meditation ✓ Mouth retainer ✓ Deep Heat* ✓ EXPLETIVES x Muttering x Decaf ✓ * Spray

NEW My Life in #Subbuteo Team Numbers - A Memoir Chapter 3 Read and subscribe via bit.ly/4iTqiRx #substack #writing #writingcommunity #toys #tablesoccer #life #memoir #comedy

NEW on my #substack Lukewarm coffee, with HAIR. Niche. Read and subscribe @ bit.ly/4rRRdRW #writing #writingcommunity #substacknewsletter #funny #comedy #coffee #life

My site is back up and running under the new domain danieltizon.com Find all my work there. Gig list will be updated in the coming days. #writer #standupcomedy

Today's #substack post. Read and subscribe @ bit.ly/44hsuwm

I couldn't have lived before the 1959 Housing Act which provided funds to add indoor plumbing and helped bring to an end the outside privy. Or in the time of mass-sandals wearing, OR before the wider uptake of trousers amongst western men from the early 19th century onwards. THIS IS MY TIME NOW.

If there is an AFTERLIFE, I fear there won't be anything up there to match the post-gig oats.

Zero rapport with the new Barista. Another lukewarm coffee arrives. Plus lots of long hair on the too short for the tall glass spoon.

Massive bugbear of mine is when you buy a coffee and it's warm. I want my coffee hot. I want it so hot, my tongue is smarting. I asked for a side jug of hot milk. Even this was warm. This was meant to be the highlight of my day. This will all be mentioned when I order the second latte.

NEW On my #substack Unconvinced by the Cucumber Read and subscribe @ bit.ly/44hsuwm #writing #writer #substacknewsletter #life

08:58hrs Mouth retainer ✓ Meditation ✓ Breakfast x EXPLETIVES ✓ Indoor hat ✓ Deep Heat* ✓ Pouting x *Spray

NEW on #substack My Life in #Subbteo Team Numbers - A Memoir. Part 2 Read and subscribe via bit.ly/4iOtQ7R #writing #tablesoccer #memoir #comedy #funny #writer #writingcommunity

It's #buyastrangerabook day tomorrow. You may call it Wednesday. I'm going to give out loads of free books and also encourage you to give out free books too. Can we make it a big old Christmas Special please? www.biggreenbookshop.com/stuff-you-mi...

Part 2 is out. A potted, dark comic memoir of devastating and abrupt losses, peaks, colourful 00 scale nostalgia and of the links, some preternatural, between those #Subbuteo numbers and pivotal moments of my life as they intersect and collide with one another. Read/subscribe via bit.ly/4iOtQ7R

Out now. Ep 1. Daniel Ruiz Tizon’s Advent Calendar. Can one man find Christmas again? Listen: @holdfastnetwork bit.ly/3msdOCz #ApplePodcasts bit.ly/49eighk And this year, also via #Spotify bit.ly/3VkpvPc Retweets/reposts appreciated. Thank you. #podcasts #adventcalendar #Christmas #podcast #podcasts

Part 2 is out. A potted, dark comic memoir of devastating and abrupt losses, peaks, colourful 00 scale nostalgia and of the links, some preternatural, between those #Subbuteo numbers and pivotal moments of my life as they intersect and collide with one another. Read/subscribe via bit.ly/4iOtQ7R

NEW on #substack My Life in #Subbteo Team Numbers - A Memoir. Part 2 Read and subscribe via bit.ly/4iOtQ7R #writing #tablesoccer #memoir #comedy #funny #writer #writingcommunity

Pic: Mark Duqueno #comedy #standup #funny #comedian #standupcomedy

23:21hrs The post-gig porridge. I've had better.

The Horror. My local shop has today transitioned into a Londis store. Anticipating price rises and limited windows on best by dates.

Writing out the only Christmas card I feel obliged to send out, and doing so begrudgingly, it has to be said. #Christmas

Monday 8th December Appearing at Monday Club Comedy @ Museum of Comedy, Bloomsbury. Doors 6.30pm #comedy #funny #standup #standupcomedy #comedian #haha #bloomsbury

I'd put my money on a #writer living here.

A potted, dark comic memoir of devastating and abrupt losses, peaks, colourful 00 scale nostalgia and of the links, some preternatural, others less so, between those Subbuteo numbers and pivotal moments of my life as they intersect and collide with one another. #subbuteo #memoir #comedy #writing

NEW on my #substack My Life in #Subbuteo Team Numbers - A Memoir. Part 1 Read and subscribe via bit.ly/48mNLHg #substacknewsletter #football #tablesoccer #nostalgia #memoir #comedy #humour #writer #writing #writingcommunity

NEW on my #substack 'Every Picture'. Read and subscribe @ bit.ly/4rxYLci #writing #writer #memoir #funny #humour #substacknewsletter #writerlife

22:23hrs Nordic socks ✓ Mouth retainer ✓ Hat ✓ Radio x Vagus Nerve Reset ✓ Muttering* ✓ Book ✓ * New York accent

Thank the Gods this pile of s*** has been cancelled. Just never understood the public's appetite for this event.

I only have jam once a year. I haven't had it yet this year. I almost did today. The craving was intermittently there. But after serious consideration, I decided against it. No jam today. Or even this year, perhaps.

My aunt calls. She begins by getting my name wrong. This is poor form from someone that's technically supposed to be your Next of Kin. I tell her this. She signs off the call by again getting my name wrong. I'm not a memorable guy. I reached this conclusion a long time ago.

When the Russians invade us, will our landlords still expect their rent?

That was a very long phone call. We hit at least four natural end points but from my POV, I couldn't end the call. It was the equivalent of firing your best serves at an opponent but they're still firing the ball back across the net. If we speak on the phone, PLEASE let me end the call.

35p refund received from a leading supermarket after I was misled on a promotional offer on their talc. I'm determined to use this as a basis to build a good day.

I can't claim it doesn't irk me that in the whole of 2025, not a single person has complimented me (or acknowledged) that my left leg leads on the leg crossing. There is a beauty to the sinister-led leg crossing that the conventional crossers cannot hope to match.

The world always feels a better place when you have half a dozen packets of Tesco's Crackers in your cupboards. It is THE cracker of my life.

19:14hrs Giving serious consideration to wearing a third set of bottoms tonight. Indoors.

22.40hrs Just bubble wrapped some bananas in the cupboard.

Another amazing #buyastrangerabook day offer! I'm doing the Festive Big Green Book Swap again this year. A book in the post with choc & tea. @civser.bsky.social is offering to buy THREE people a book swap subscription! Check out the attached post, and let us know if you want one! UK only

NEW on my #substack Breaking Read and subscribe @ bit.ly/48yQKLw #writing #substacknewsletter #writer #comedian #funny #humour #Brighton

14:25hrs Committed to an overly-long anecdote with the nurse. Right away, I could tell he wasn't interested in hearing the story. As he ushered me out the door, I hurriedly completed it but it tailed off spectacularly.

Even I can see that not sleeping will shorten my life. I'm definitely not making it to the care home years. The insomnia's just been too pronounced for too long. But I'm in serious danger of missing out on my cruise ship years too and losing out on forging my final friendships on board those ships.

I want to make my original podcast partner's elite level running gurns my wallpaper. Love these manic Jokeresque jaw distortions.

This is threatening to be the fourth night in a row where my final thought of a long day is 'Why are Sainsbury's single oranges so f*c*ing small?' No other supermarket comes remotely close to selling its customers such tiny oranges.

21:30hrs The mouth retainer is in.

19:57hrs Double-hatted. Indoors.

Two days into December and I have been invited to a second Christmas party. Is the world trying to kill me? Can I not just be allowed to do Christmas without the 'party' element? Don't invite me anywhere. I am not invitee material.

I was just thinking how my jaw will most likely still be tense when I'm in my grave, before reminding myself that I will be cremated. What I can say with absolute certainty is whichever it is, I'm not paying for it.

NEW on my #substack A (glass) roomful of strangers. Read and subscribe @ bit.ly/4pH3F4Y #writing #substacknewsletter #funny #writerlife #writingcommunity

The post-gig, pre-oats muttering.