00:12hrs The post-gig, pre-porridge, New York-accented, EXPLETIVE-heavy muttering.

Out earlier today. Short term pain for long term gain? Or perhaps it's the other way round. It's Ep (Alpha) 2 of my new Laudable Pus #podcast

Tonight's #comedy

NEW Laudable Pus #podcast Ep (Alpha) 2 is out. Talking zero rapport with barber, gigs, OCDs accentuated by rehearsals and more. Available to listen via Substack bit.ly/3ZAPVho Patreon bit.ly/4rT8tFK #comedy #podcasts #podcasting #life

22:21hrs Dramatic (approx) 70-metre sprint for the post-gig bus (on diversion so wasn't easy to find this bus stop earlier on the route)to reach the tube station ends with the driver failing to stop. The sprint merited the bus being held for me. I don't expect this anticlimax to be topped this year.

Out earlier today. #podcast

BRAND NEW #podcast 'Laudable Pus'. Ep Alpha 1 available to subscribers NOW. Listen via #Substack bit.ly/4bLNS1b #Patreon bit.ly/3Zu3grL #comedy #writing #life

And adults too.

Friday 13th February Appearing at The Secret Comedy Club, Brighton. #comedy #standup #funny #comedian #standupcomedy

NEW on my #substack. Bad Comedy Room Ahead. Read and subscribe @ bit.ly/3MEw65I #writing

Thursday 12th Feb Appearing here. #crouchend #comedy

15:55hrs A seriously impressive performance from the new towel (post-purchase, washed without fabric conditioner, as advised). I don't think I've ever felt drier.

11:57hrs An outstanding daily run of ripened pears has come to an end this morning. I need to dust myself down, look at why this cycle broke down (did I not buy enough pears to sustain the daily ripening turnover?), learn from this and start again.

Privacy is for People with Cars: Bus phone calls no. 53: Young Mum on 196: "...No dad, you did have your cigarettes when I went round yesterday. Remember, you gave me them and asked me to build you a spliff, innit."

The peril and thrill of an evening run when you don't have a headlight and your Hi Vis Vest is a budget one.

01:03hrs A new mouth retainer, a new towel, even a new (front sleeper) pillow as of tonight AND a new one hour comedy show. It is a time of huge change.

19:42hrs I am at a gig and no one will know that in my bag tonight I have a brand new towel. I refused to pay for a store bag. I'm assuming as it's in my bag unbagged, new towel protocol dictates you wash it before use.

#comedy #standup

11:01hrs The first EXPLETIVE of the day (inevitably) triggered by learning Evri are again handling my delivery today. This never ends well.

I loathe medleys. And pre-match entertainment. Just play the damn game. #superbowl

09:46hrs Meditation-triggered lip pursing.

01:26hrs Never easy identifying a potential new pillow when you're a front sleeper but its arrival is imminent. Not been a back sleeper since the mid-90s, while I was a fully committed side sleeper as a kid. Anticipating the insomnia worsening as I adjust to the new pillow.

I didn't rate Adolescence. Watched the first two eps and was done. Stephen Graham's a good actor but he's pretty similar in most of what he does. I get that it tackled very important issues and it deserves praise for doing so, but separate to that, was it a great TV show? No, I don't think so.

17:33hrs Briefly considered the possibility of a pout before dismissing it.

16:55hrs Knackered. Or as my Spanish dad used to pronounce it, 'naked'.

23:43hrs Very enjoyable gig tonight but the train cancellations all day made the journey there somewhat fraught. Now stuck at Redhill owing to someone on the track. No trains leaving. I have one banana, a book and the fresh memory of a very fun show tonight. Could be a long night.

Thameslink's Luke is killing me with both the overfamiliar name shortening AND the exclamation mark.

Friday 13th February, appearing at Secret Comedy Club. Starts 8pm. #Brighton #comedy #standup #funny #comedian #standupcomedy

22:51hrs Just put the mouth retainer in.

'Your Evri courier has delivered your parcel to your shed.' Er, I don't have a shed. No surprises with these guys. The misdelivery is the only department in which they never fail to deliver.

16:45hrs The early evening pout. Stress-triggered, I'm sure, by the news that Evri are meant to be delivering a parcel tonight.

My favourite towel is coming to its end. At its peak, it was a great drier. Whether patting or rubbing, it never came up short. A troubled towel succession lies ahead. Ideally you want to be the towel that follows the towel that followed THE towel.

Friday 6th February Appearing at Crawley Comedy Club #comedy #standup #comedian #funny #standupcomedy #crawley

13:30hrs Reading through a festival brochure. Admin hell. It just takes you away from writing the damn work. I've not enjoyed any part of this process and I can only imagine doing Edinburgh, the admin and the costs would be far more hellish. Zero appetite for that now. > #comedy #standup

00:00hrs The post-gig porridge ✔ If I'd been able to find the love for a woman that I have for porridge, the family line would not be dying out with me.

21:50hrs Decent gig, nice room. Long trek home. Regardless of the late arrival, determined to get my oats in. And I do mean the porridge.

Rather awkwardly I have just sold a book on eBay that was given to me, signed, by a very well-known commentator during my years as the creator and presenter of the historical football podcast 'When Shorts Were Short'. The buyer? The very same commentator. Awkward.

It's always heartening when your gig banana fits snuggly into your banana guard. In unrelated news, currently double-hatted. Indoors.

00:06hrs Went early with the day's first EXPLETIVE.

S2 of #TheNightManager was so bad, it was actually good. I thought S1 wasn't up to much and this was no different. Underwhelming writing, some hammy performances but I actually found myself warming to it and surprisingly enjoying it.

4th Feb, appearing here. Starts 8pm. The Leyton Star 116 High Road Leyton London E15 2BX #comedy #standup #funny #comedian #StandUpComedy

15:37hrs An outbreak of muttering, related to the muttering.

12:42hrs 1/2: If this workman asks to use the lavatory, I'm going to have to take a look at my tenancy agreement and hope I agreed a break clause. I could not continue living here.

09:04hrs First EXPLETIVE of the day.

08:45hrs Pre-pear excitement building.

08:23hrs 7 days without coffee. My longest run since I was 6-years-old. My miserable mood slightly cushioned by the influx of conference pears.

22:58hrs The post-gig, pre-cereal New York-accented muttering.

21:53hrs Post-gig pears stockpiling.

15:33hrs Post-run, pre-gig grapes.

12:27hrs The stress-related semi pout.