My god do I adore this country's rail system. Yet another four carriage (one blocked off for first class) train on one of the busiest lines in the country at commuting time. Delayed by 15 minutes due to the volume of people preventing others getting off or on. Nowhere for luggage. Chaos.

Internet has been down in our office for the last hour, thank heavens we moved everything online and this physically cannot do any work when the internet isn't working

After a while you just have to stop pretending these guys are anything but angry men who want to kick the shit out of stuff because they’re pissed off about how their lives and prospects have noticeably got worse over the last 20 years. And no one has offered them a reason why that is except race

I can't be the only one weirded out that he's doing a pre-leadership campaign before he's even an MP and way before any kind of leadership challenge has been confirmed

List 5 famous people you've met but one is a lie Jonathan Ross Conleth Hill Ulysses Simpson Grant Helena Bonham Carter Will Self

Started watching "From" tonight. Jesus Christ it's fucking AWESOME, how have I gone so long without it??

These people are fucking losers. Just look at them; utter dorks that are impossible to take seriously. Wtf are we doing here man

🥺

Is there a name for that trope where a documentary introduces an interviewee by showing them a few seconds before their interview starts, getting comfortable, fiddling with their mic, saying something like "right here?" etc? It's shit and I fucking hate it

Omg utterly rammed four car train. Seat reservations discontinued. Manager made it clear it's everyone for themselves. Arguments breaking out about whether seat reservations count or not despite the fact that they don't

My parents bought their tumble dryer in 2005, it still works a treat. We had to replace the washing machine we bought with our house after four years. Things these days are designed to last exactly as long as somewhere between the maximum legal warranty and the end of a typical payment plan

A veritable plethora of snails on the dog walk and spiders in the house this morning. When you see a small snail in its small little shell, are they like baby snails or just small snails who found small shells? Do snails find shells or are they born with them?

Dr Wilson, my GCSE English teacher. He encouraged my burgeoning love of pop culture analysis and satirical comedy, introduced me to Death of the Author, took every one of my ideas seriously and was more influential on who I am today than I ever really realised until a few years ago

Not to show off, but I get both a sandwich lunch and pizza party at work today

Karaoke with my theatre buddies tonight 💪🏻

Walking into a local craft shop/the very first item visible features AI art

Banbury Pride. Cosmo got a lot of fuss 🏳️‍🌈

I wouldn't put it at the front of the display, personally

Train tin, train tin Bought a train tin 3pm Friday meeting can get into the bin

Train is stopped in the countryside. Four people on a table having a loud AF conversation. Two people on the phone. Two boisterous children as their parents stare blankly on. I long for the sweet nothingness that awaits us all in the end

Doesn't every political party, and their leaders, want power? Is that not the entire point

My usual train to work was cancelled, the next one is four cars and will need to withstand everyone planning on getting it as well as everyone displaced by the previous train and everyone planning on getting the previous train. God damn am I feeling the love today

Nearly blacked out changing the cat litter. Can this weather please be over

The UK comedy scene owns because Josh Widdicombe will one minute host his hit arena-touring podcast about how he has the same parenting struggles as everyone else, then he'll appear in GQ showing off his recently renovated multi million pounds holiday home in Cornwall

Lol, said the scorpion. Lmao.

In what is possibly the most middle class flex of my life: I was sleeping in the lounge with the windows open due to the heat, and was startled awake by our weekly milk delivery. I might tell work that I got no sleep because of the milkman. Maybe I'll get some Teams laugh reacts

Have given up on the idea of getting any sleep tonight. Godspeed, moots x

At the local food festival, it is 32 actual degrees and there are fucking DOGS here??? Wtf is the matter with these people

I'm sorry but this weather is digusting, it is rancid, and if you enjoy it you're a psychopath

Being an uncle means removing spiders from my niece's playhouse

Jesus Christ

Mommy, What's Wrong With That Man's Face?

going through any UK town the day after proper sunshine

I like to think of myself as fairly enlightened, but I am also a petty little bitch. The man who ruined mine and my wife's lives is a prominent Spurs blogger and podcaster, and my god do I want West Ham to win and Spurs to lose today. It would be so funny, so fucking funny, I will cackle endlessly

An English team were in the Europa League final on Wednesday night, broadcast behind a paywall, and he didn't say anything

For one last time #pusb

Uncle life

However people talk about others to you, they talk about you to others. Life is too short and your time is too precious to spend it with people who don't make you happy. You can quit!

Burnham is going to lose the by-election 👍🏻

I'm going to start saying I can't attend things because of "circumstances related to Government, and my love for the United States of America."

An amusing twist. The office is empty so was planning on ducking out early; the earlier train is four carriages, the one I'd normally get is a princely *ten* carriages. What to do

This is our cat Peaches with a picture my wife found in a charity shop

The person my wife and I considered our closest friend ghosting us, recreating our friendship group without us and destroying my wife's reputation at our shared place of employment

Going to be 28 degrees for the journey home and I just know that it'll be a four carriage train. If the heat doesn't make me combust, my rage will

I'm a huge fan of pop culture analysis and Cinemasins has done incalculable damage to our culture. The amount of complaints that can be answered with "because if it wasn't, there would either be no movie or a shit movie"

Looking at the bank holiday weekend weather forecast with utter disgust. What's the point if we can't take Cosmo for a pub crawl??

Logging on to social media of a morning and finding out I know a lot more Arsenal fans than I thought I did!

Hahahaha get wrecked Tyler Harwood-Bellis and Tonda Eckert specifically. Couldn't have happened to two bigger pieces of shit

My absolute favourite genre of article is when an extreme example is used as if it's a regular occurrence. If it isn't someone getting a business class upgrade or a free Bentley due to their ADHD, it's a dog owner letting their untrained puppy piss and shit in a steakhouse

I used to have a little bin for the car that I'd put on the gearstick. I'd call it "the Jeremy", as in the Jeremy Car Bin. Chuck that in the Jeremy, I'd say