I am so rich, I could have given bid for bid with the wealthiest Prætorians at the auction of the Roman empire

pro-tip: if you learn how to make rice krispie treats yourself, you won't have to buy them anymore

It's truly remarkable how, even after years upon years of overwhelmingly negative feedback, people still be putting 4 paragraphs of autobiographical bullshit in front of every recipe

are there any ghosts on here? I'm free if you'd like to chat.

To the ladies - do you think it's a red flag if a guy has a crazy-looking weiner?

It is an interesting coincidence that Jeffrey Epstein and Adolf Hitler both apparently had a crazy-looking wiener

To the neighbors who named their home wifi network "NakedGrandma6969" - your wifi network is visible on other people's computers. My CHILDREN saw it!

bout to take a futuristic ass piss in here

Friendly reminder that Donald Trump has never explicitly stated their pronouns.

google search: "biggest old lady"

smoking this shit tonight m.youtube.com/watch?v=VoAf...

RIP Hulk Hogan, one of the first guys ever to get insanely jacked and tan on purpose

the Wall Street Journal hereby announces that all followers of this account are required to get jacked & tan this summer.

insane

the main concern is that with my genetic data the government can make a tiny clone of me that they can torture to get even more of my data

The reason food be so expensive now is because a lot of y'all started eatin way too much

me and the bad bitch I pulled by losing touch with reality

If your microwave doesn't have an Add 30 Seconds button you might as well be living in the fucking stone ages

idiotic

Moo Deng has been found dead in Miami

Diddy never had any real bangers anyway

Cool skeleton i found today

I would give ANYTHING to discover an ancient forest

When you think about it, megalodon is like the t-rex of the ocean

It's simple supply and demand. Food is more expensive now because y'all started DEMANDING it. Pounding on the table with a knife and fork in your hand.

The reason food be so expensive now is because a lot of y'all started eatin way too much

It's time for McDonald's to start serving macaroni and cheese.

Did you guys hear about this yet

When Jack Black arrived on the scene in the early 2000s, people were blown away. No one had ever acted that crazy before.

There's no way Hitler did all that stuff because he was bitter about not getting into art school. There must have been something else going on in his life.

They need to get rid of baby carrots so I can walk around munching a grown ass carrot and not feel like bugs bunny

LAN parties were the fucking shit. Just a whole ass network of guys being dudes.

They really didn't have to do him like that 😩

This could be us but you playin'

having a stepdad named Dick would be the worst thing ever lol