BREAKING🚨🚨 ISIS has attacked Beast Land, dozens feared dead

modern Monkey Wrench Gang should start hitting AI data centers like the Ukrainians hit Russian power plants

when will a frankenstein movie be brave enough to let us see the doctor choosing the dick

I dropped 75lbs on jenny craig and she died

Pastor Joel Webbon molests children like Babe Ruth hit dingers. They call him the Jackie Robinson of kid fucking

Too bad that snowplow didn’t finish off Renner

Do they have people named Luigi in Canada? Asking for Kevin O’Leary

Crashing a commercial jet directly into Beast Land

The Monkey Wrench Gang but for data and crypto mining centers

Can $1 trillion stop a dedicated person with nothing to lose?

Considering the internet response to Luigi, a copycat for Jeff Bezos would be like Christmas morning

I asked ChatGPT what we should do with Sam Altman and it said someone should ___ ___ his head

Speaker Johnson is such a fucking little f*gg*t but not in the gay sense of the word

Eighth time today disgraced baseball racist John Rocker has called my phone thinking I’m someone named “Tony the Toe Tickler” asking for a few more terabytes of hardcore CP

Hopefully Bill Ackman does a “Hitler in his bunker” this morning

Sadly, Eve Barlow stepped in front of a bus tonight and a bunch of pennies flew through the air when she was hit

Dear god, I’ve seen what you’ve done for that UPS cargo plane can you please do the same for Elon’s private jet 🙏

Brandon Gil is a closet homosexual and will likely get found out when he’s caught rimming one of the numerous gay male staffers in his DC office

I am going to make an AI-generated Dogbert attending Scott Adams’ funeral when the prostate cancer kills him and the shadow demons from Ghost drag him to Hell

Fat comics don’t last long so I’m very excited to see how Tim Dillon ends

Too bad Trump’s Gatsby party didn’t end like the book

*catchy car dealership dealer tune* Everyday should be….duh duh…Butler PA

What Florida is doing re childhood vaccine mandates is state violence against the masses and the people responsible should be………….

Nebraska Governor in Israel? Huh, I hope something cool happens to him

Hey God, it’s me, JP. I don’t ask for much but is there any way you could give Chief Justice Newby a brain aneurysm sometime soon?

Do we really need religious leaders anymore? Considering the holy texts are finite I think we just train an AI model on nothing but those texts and now you have AI Jesus to tell you what to think. Don’t like the answer? Well I guess you’re no longer Christian go find another asshole to worship

Riley Gaines tied for fifth because her pussy lips kept getting caught in the pool filter when she’d flip turn

Randy Fine has choked to death on an Arby’s steak nugget

Ben Gvir 360 no-scope challenge

@chriscillizza.bsky.social you should’ve been trapped in the second tower

Can the White House ever be renovated? We flew 747s into the WaPo and NYT newsrooms and asked the smoldering bodies of the journalists who keep excusing the clearly illegal actions of the Trump Admin

Paying a homeless man $100 to find Mike Davis of the Article III Project and…………….

They should put Ross Douthat on one of the drug boats before we explode it

Wishing Rob Schneider the most painful death from bone cancer imaginable

Have fun while you can, Bovino!

God I can’t wait until Stephen Miller gets……

Finding Lila Rose and forcing her to do a reverse horse birth (shoving her inside a mare’s pussy)

I went on Keith Edwards’ YouTube channel and the first video I saw was called “how to sodomize a dog without it biting you”

Tricia McLaughlin crawled out of the same Ohio abortion clinic dumpster opioid muck as the VP

You can’t convince me that Matt Stoller never spiked a girl’s drink before. Insane rapist vibes

findagrave(dot)com just posted Trump’s grave from the future then deleted it

*the ugliest trans woman you’ve ever seen with a 5 o’ clock shadow and debilitating IBS* “Oy you can’t be a leftist if you were a troop.”

People are saying Rep Scott Perry of Pennsylvania was investigated for sodomizing a dog while in uniform but the investigation ended when he self-sucked into an ouroboros that spun so quickly he time traveled and then shot all the witnesses (three retarded children)

The only Rapid Response I need is from the WH medical team when the aneurysm in Trump’s brain finally pops

Nothing better than lining up the head of an Israeli settler in the crosshairs of a high powered rifle

Trump having a massive coronary right after posting that poop plane video would be crazy. Like cmon man imagine those Sunday vibes

It would be very funny if JD had a medical emergency, kicked the bucket before Trump, and then Trump laughed about it “never really liked the guy”

Shit man it’s like the Framers gave us a way to deal with unchecked tyranny. Masked unidentifiable agents attempting to kidnap you? There’s an Amendment for that