The anniversary of my mother’s passing was Wednesday. She adored Rob Reiner. I was raised in a Reiner/Marshall-dynasties-loving house. This is devastating and I’m so glad she isn’t here to hear about it. I’m just so heartsore. We decided tomorrow is when we show the kids Princess Bride.

O, horrible, O, horrible, most horrible!

But also look at this cat

Our gate blew open & Goose got out. He's fine, we ran out front (I was barefoot. In the snow), hollered for him, around the corner he came. Now his head is buried in Alex's neck because you know, one minute he was here, and the next minute he was *there* and beloved father was nowhere to be seen.

Into every generation, a rivalry is heated

writers, destroy chatgpt by embracing your inner weirdo pervert. it will never be able to replicate true freak shit.

🎉

I hung the Christmas lights

In Rehoboth for the marathon and had one of the most wonderful restaurant experiences of all time, only to find out at the end that its Atlas-owned. UGH. Why are they EVERYWHERE???

ready for whatever this new episode of #HeatedRivalry brings

a load-bearing component of “the magic of Christmas” is the invisible domestic labor of moms you are now realizing how much she was doing for you and instead of just thanking her you’ve decided it’s about the decline of civilization

Trumpy performative aunt who was unhelpful with my ailing mother in the year before her death and who implied I better stay involved in family events or else and then proceeded to not speak to me again (11 months and counting!) RSVPed to the family Christmas party and said she's making deviled eggs.

Beauty-fool

Our housewarming was last night. It was so good and it felt pretty awesome to show off the new place. The most repeated compliment was that we have only been here for a month and a half(ish) but it looks lived-in and welcoming. I was asked to come decorate for people which made me feel POWERFUL.

Today in home ownership: I figured out how to fix the gas fireplace so it doesn’t create a cloud of soot, and Alex figured out how to make the radiators get hot. These accomplishments brought you by how fucking cold it was in here this morning.

Who’s watching Heated Rivalry? I need to hear if you’re as flustered as I am. As a seasoned peddler of smut I’m surprised at myself, but it is what it is, my pearls are clutched.

✅ Cran Chocolate Walnut Cookies ✅ Pumpkin bread with pepitas and bitter chocolate chips ✅ Pumpkin pie ✅ Apple pie 🔜 Apple crumble (for Saturday) ✅ Mac-n-Cheese ❌ Glazed carrots ✅ Sweet potatoes ⌛️Stuffing ⌛ Turkey ✅ Ham ⏳Green beans 🔜 Rolls Decided I don’t need 2 orange vegetables on the table.

✅ Cran Chocolate Walnut Cookies ✅ Pumpkin bread with pepitas and bitter chocolate chips ✅ Pumpkin pie ✅ Apple pie 🔜 Apple crumble (for Saturday) ✅ Mac-n-Cheese 🔜 Glazed carrots 🔜 Sweet potatoes 🔜 Stuffing ⌛ Turkey 🔜 Ham There are only 4 of us, we lost our minds, and it's fine.

He is risen

Update- got a question right about Kareem Abdul Jabbar. Was not Holmes related. Got a question wrong by extrapolating knowledge related to Captain America fanfiction. You win some you lose some.

At bar trivia and I got a Latin question right because Catholic upbringing. And that’s on using religious trauma for personal gain (bar gift certificates).

I have one (1) work day left this week and have set myself up to have an easy day (🤞). And it's WFH. So I plan to do early morning grocery run, baking cookies, pumpkin bread, pies, and getting the sweet potatoes and mac and cheese done for Thursday. And cleaning for our Saturday housewarming!

can't believe this ancient mesopotamia shoe wearing ass said people need to dress up at the airport

My favorite time is "Alex and Colleen Talk Shit About General Groups Of People" and that time can be any time that we've had a cocktail and feel a little bitchy. Tonight we're shit talking people who wronged us in our 20s.

Lazy Sunday watches- Come See Me In The Good Light- sobbing the entire time, incredible, give it the Oscar Sweeney Todd- I felt nostalgic. It’s a bad movie. LOTR: ROTK (Extended)- I said “it’s 4 hours long!” Alex said “maybe 3, 3.5, and it’s early” 4 hours 24 minutes. So. Like. I was right.

Everyone reading this comeback rn

One non-RSVPer has arrived as I assumed would happen.

Kids are having a sleepover as a belated birthday party for my oldest. We have at the moment three 11 year old girls and two 9 year old boys and anywhere from one to three more kids coming (maybe??? There is no respect for the RSVP anymore). My dog is living his best life, he LOVES kids. I’m tired.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it over and over again forever: my new house fucking rules, I have never lived anywhere so nice in my life, this took a lot of luck and work, and came at the end of a lot of grief and suffering. I am happy every day to wake up here and not be anywhere I was before.

Colleen, 39, lives in a craftsman in the heart of Bmore with a basement full of sprickets and *The Metamorphosis* & *Adult Children Of Immature Parents*-2 books she was reading while feeding her tetras-sit on her radiator cover. She collects homoerotic vintage photos, like a Faces song come to life.

Do any #baltimore people on here know anything about Mayor’s citations? I have one for my grandmother from the 80s. Just the certificate. I don’t know why she received it and would love to find out. Is this something I could find record of somewhere?

I do not enjoy other people’s children. But even moreso I do not enjoy other parents. My children’s weekly extracurricular at a local activity and sports center is a trial. A TRIAL.

Kendrick, Joyce Carol Oates, Menswear Guy, and Isaac Chotiner are the Voltron of People You Don't Want Focusing on You

J lost a tooth over the weekend, forgot to call us about it and, once again, tooth fairy failed to come to dad’s house. Alex: maybe she doesn’t know where your dad’s house is. Me: yeah let’s say a tooth fairy prayer and she might come tonight. J: well dad does live in a washed up neighborhood, so.

Alex, doing home repair- “This cabinet is the worst thing that has ever happened to me. And I’m trans.”

Hello from the new fish tank (with the same fish I’ve been babying since early this year)

I had three cats and Alex had 2, plus he took on my mother’s cat when she got sick. So when we moved in together, this became a 6 cat household. And this morning they’re all eating together peacefully.

If you’ve never gotten a little high and scraped the citristrip and paint off a bookshelf, well, you should.

Panera’s moderately caffeinated lemonade was loosely associated with 2 deaths before it was taken off market. This article alone has 4 examples of ChatGPT encouraging young people to commit suicide, and OpenAI’s own public stats estimate over a million users discuss suicide with ChatGPT each week.

We’re discussing shitty conservative billionaires and Murder On The Dancefloor plays in the background. Alex: I hope they all get Saltburned. 😂

I love them immensely

We are SO CLOSE to being moved out of my apartment. And then we can finally make the house look like people live there and not like a warehouse of boxes and totes full of random shit. Truly have never been so done with a process in my life.

I don’t live in NY so my knowledge of the Zohran lore has been not very deep. But I just found out his MOTHER is Mira Nair??????? WHAT! The reason I went to film school 😭 Love this information.

Meet our newest patient here at the Alaska Raptor Center, a Northern Pygmy Owl named King Owlbert by his rescuers. Owlbert arrived with a drooping wing, making flight difficult. We’ve given him a supportive wing wrap, plenty of tasty mice, and time to heal. #small #owls #adorable

If you’re still in line, STAY IN LINE

happy full beaver moon

Let's all allow Dick Cheney's peaceful passing at the ripe old age of 84 to remind us of the importance and joy of speaking ill of the dead when the dead were assholes.

I’m in the tub with a glass of wine and a glass of ice water, steaming my body like a head of broccoli while alternating between the two.

It’s cold, I have in fuzzy socks and my fluffy robe, and I have coffee and writing on the porch. Basically dreams have come true.

Spooky kinda guy