Great news for John Fetterman, who seems to be vying to be King of the Coal-Rollers of the Saturday night Wawa* parking lot crowd. * or possibly Rutter's

I'm walkin' here, Charlie Brown

Somebody get this guy some props

ATC: Flight Kilo Alpha Three-Niner-Six, please confirm. PILOT: I don't wanna. A: Kilo Alpha Three-Niner-Six you must confirm. P: Don't make me. A: Landing clearance requires confirmation. P: No. A: Kilo Alpha Three-Niner-Six? P: P: Tylenol causes autism A: Kilo Alpha Three-Niner-Six cleared to land

"How many Oreos should we put in each sleeve?" "Uh...thirteen?" "Sounds great, do it!" — some sociopaths at Nabisco

I must confirm that I am *not* hooked on a feeling, nor am I high on believing that you're in love with me.

If you support Gavin Newsom, even in the slightest, even if it's just his AI slop social media posts, you're signaling you're as eager to get rid of trans people as the most rabid Trumpist. You just want it done with a frown instead of a laugh.

A single car approaches me as I signal and stop to make a left turn after it passes. It slows, eventually comes to a stop, flashes its lights, for absolutely no reason. "Just to be nice," I guess. Idiotic.

subtle downgrade a band -turn a little to the left doctors

Dutch late night TV has its take

EPSTEIN PATH TO PROSPERITY 1. Groom young girls 2. Traffick them only to myself 3. ??? 4. PROFIT!

[Offered a ridiculously large cookie] ME: Should I eat this cookie? ME: No. ME: Did I eat this cookie? ALSO ME:

Misery loves company. Ignorance requires it.

The Jackson Bachman Overdrive Nitty Gritty Dirt Guy

I would Google "is leprosy contagious?"

Misled Zeppelin

I simply shorten this to "they can't be bangers" and pound that send button with confidence

These are national treasures, and must be protected at all costs. The guys, too, I guess.

I will never apologize for a post

This is how they get you hooked: "first one's free"

Rich kids have all the advantages. And fun, apparently.

"I Found What I'm Looking For (It Was In The Couch Cushions)"

For being a super-secret base for their nascent rebellion, they sure were mentioning Yavin quite a bit on the homeworld of the Empire they are trying to bring down #Andor #StarWars

okay this is terrifying. A bit for me, but truly for many people I know. They'd easily fall for it.

Two bucks says there will be a big "Elect JD Vance Pope" movement by day's end. "Baptized Catholic" is the main requirement. www.ewtn.com/catholicism/...

I threw $5,000 into the fire. But then I reached in and pulled out $3,000, severely burning my hand and convincing all the people around me that I'm insane. ART OF THE DEAL!

@fetterman.senate.gov Could you please stop confirming nominees until you can muster up some accountability for the ones you already confirmed? They're out of control. Sure, this makes you the most popular guy in the Rutter's lot with all the coal-rollers, but please just stop. — SWPA constituent

@sentimentbot.bsky.social ok let me have it

M-O-O-N, that spells "moon" (Eight-Nine El Eee Oh En Eye Ess spells "89 Leonis" in the upper right) (The lower-right stars are even less remarkable) (Photo Credit: me and my stupid "let's wake up at 2 AM" ass)

I'm totally on board for the "powerful monarch succumbs to preventable disease" phase of FAFO

Jokes on them, I’m going to use AI to come up with 8000 businesses for dipshits

Instead of just a regular skeet, shouldn't a particularly polemic or contrarian post be called a contrail?

Cream, if you're lactose intolerant, I guess? And for me, somewhat ironically: Counting Crows. I like lookin' at 'em — enumerating, not so much

And probably in a not so roundabout way, it's also about adderall. Toss in a little ketamine, while you're at it.

The greatest moment in broadcast television history.

"What's in your wallet?" Less than there should be, it seems. apnews.com/article/capi...

inside you is an alive cat inside you is a dead cat same cat

I mean, I'm a little taller, but, yeah?

"Jon! It's George! I gotta know! What kind of planet-killing super weapon will you have in the sequel?"

Maybe people aren't praying correctly? I've seen a lot of Harry Potter movies, and most magic spells need to sound at least vaguely like Latin to have any efficacy. What they're doing clearly isn't working. Or they could go the other route and try actually thinking, for once. #thoughtsandprayers

If you're making TV shows or movies for tv, and conveying important information in text messages by flashing a phone screen for a few seconds and thereby making it almost impossible for people to see what it says, you are now my enemy. Consider this your head start. #AppleTV #Peacock

It's "reindeer," yet somehow not "leashdog." WTF #Christmas

Dear "mass of men" who "lead lives of quiet desperation:" I will endeavor to have more sympathy for the "desperation" aspects of modern living, if you would do me the favor of keeping up the "quiet" part of the bargain.

Give a man thanks and he'll eat for a day. *Teach* a man to thank and he'll eat for a lifetime #Thanksteaching

Obligatory first post: if you know me, then you know it's me.