had to take a hardcore break from online spaces, shit was makin me crazy. Went thru a pretty rough patch, total breakdown in my ability to function at a basic level. Decided to shelve anything not directly related to survival and let myself rest. Like really rest. Not to jinx it but? feeling better?

Hai gays

#art #adopts adopts i made on toyhouse

That said, I've been baby stepping interaction with online spaces again, and I've been drawing again, after not really doing it for a few months. So, I'm on the right track, I would have started work on coms again already, but I'm so rusty I think I gotta get back into the swing of things first.

Meds don't do much for me, anything I tried has made things worse, and I've refused inpatient or actually having "schizophrenia" plopped on my record (again) cus being trans and having a major chronic condition is already sketchy. Anyway, I'm rawdogging all my issues with limited support.

hey just so everyone knows, i got hit with the schizo diagnosis and im trying to navigate that as a dirt broke trans person in an ultra-red state. im mostly staying offline to manage symptoms, paranoia. I'm feeling better lately, but I HAVE to prioritize myself and my health rn. times is...scary

Let the evil critters breed

Doodles

Brains area of the goofy hospital

More

stormchaser story doodles

biggest problem is communication. I cannot fucking talk to anyone right now because my paranoia is unbearable and it takes me like 3 hours to construct a single message to anyone and I gotta do that almost 30 times to communicate much about a delay or an issue I’m having. It’s all very frustrating

That’s the other fucking nuts part. I have like 10 kofi drawings and 16 commissions left to do and I have 19 of those 26 started, not just started like 80% done and now I’m just in lock up. That’s truly abnormal

Some ko-fi drawings. 3 Complete and 1 wip

Also, the second you tell someone you’re schizo everything you say after is just irrelevant. Like all disabilities, admitting you have one is scary and embarrassing. Only because the world we’re in demands you internalize the notion of worthlessness as someone who can’t thrive in rigged game

Here’s a drawing

Anyway, pls know I’m trying so hard but being dirt ass poor and schizo in a fucking red state with no support system while America becomes greater every fucking evil day is HARD. Idk how many of y’all have been literally one meal a day poor for a decade but it’s extremely fucking hard.

Anyway, if anyone else has had their mental health literally torch their ability to just get work, specifically commission work, done and found a solution pls feel free to share I’m so irate rn. I don’t wanna feel like a failure or lazy or helpless or look like a bitch. I’m so sick of it aaa

I can’t describe the frustration of just wanting to get things done, having a plan, trying and just slipping into what feels like a blackout. I’m not even like doing other shit instead of work I’m just fully psychotic busted ruminating useless for endless hours it’s crazy. Literally. Stressful

I’m just really unsure how to move forward. I can’t seem to get help medically, I can’t seem to get much done on my own, but none of it is lack of desire or motivation it’s like I’m a bug smashed flat so I can wish all I want but I’m stuck. Idk anyone else out there ever just been so fucked? lol

So idk what to do. It was either get evicted or take on work I knew I’d struggle to complete but hope the effort I put in to solve the mental shit paid off. It has not so I’m stuck in limbo. Idk how do you navigate that effectively? How do I make the disability clear? How do I handle it?

What I need to communicate is that I have had a schizophrenia diagnosis since I was 18, had 0 success with anti-psychotics and have been on my own living on like 10k a year for the last 15. I haven’t had the resources for much intervention and when I’ve had it the care has been truly abysmal.

So I’ve had to just stop using social media for a sec, I think I’m just at capacity for stress and idk how to navigate it. Im kinda swamped by commission work and the same psych issues that made a new day job impossible don’t just stop because I didn’t technically clock in.

Been trying to focus on getting shit done but it’s hard…have some guys ✨🪱 | 🪰🕷️

F2e raffle on toyhouse, link in bio #adoptables

Drew my vamp oc again :) #oc #illustration

Jazzys outfits #oc

kennel

I really hate when I say “yeah, I grew up in a cult man” and ppl go “yeah I get it, I went to church” it takes all of my power not to go into a socially unacceptable rage moment lol. Why the fuck does everyone think I use the word cult as like a hyperbolic lil own on regular baptist shit?

let’s play!! ⚾️🐾🦴 #furry #lgbt

good grief! totally forgot and now im late to #portfolioday >.< i'd love to be considered for jobs very much! my name is Ala and i'm interested in any sorts of illustration assignments. especially #kidlitart #painting. im at my best when painting animals and nature! → → alaflora.net

Bc you guys like this old art of Writhing so much, have another pic i drew of her in 2023 (:

How? Do they sell amphetamines?

They will help you reach your deadline ✏️📓📝

conversation with the ancestors

Hitch the mouse (HE/HIM) 🏳️‍⚧️🐁

When’s that asteroid gonna start orbiting? Apophis? Hurry! blow this mother fucker up!

Still feel like butt and ass overall but def think I got a seasonal depression issue cus it literally feels like night and day compared to like 2 weeks ago. Fuck, maybe I can kinda like get it together a lil now ;;; -pls-

Mothman design for my buddy @flebblex.bsky.social

Salem, the smiling bad boy 😈 What do you think about him? Smile or…

Respect must be paid

paleozoic menagerie #paleoart #prehistoric #art #aquatic

If anything I wish folks would understand just how impossible the standards of living are on welfare now, it's 2025 and people still buy into Thatcher's individualist philosophy that you are a victim of your own circumstance and not the failings of the state when suffering under systematic issues

Hehe I also did a lil yucky one. I’ll throw the content tag on it cus like…corpse. He’s hardly even that gnarly yet, I just love rendering that fucked up skin man ✨🪱🦴

Oh but there’s more :3 ✨🪱 | 🪰

Some doodles from today. ✨🪱