When I was in high school I did a constitutional debate program and witnessed this exchange: JUDGE: what’s your favorite amendment? KID: the third JUDGE: why the third? KID: because if there’s soldiers in your house, the other ones really don’t matter BORN READY FOR 2026

Today is #SquirrelAppreciationDay. Please enjoy this ridiculous one from my backyard.

I've decided to cheer for the Rams, which is not good news for the Rams as every other team I've decided to cheer for so far in these playoffs has been eliminated. #nfl

Part of the way social media makes people crazy is notifying them of every single damn thing. Turn it all off. Look at the site when you want to. Never, ever allow it to make your phone make noise. Nothing that important is going to happen here.

To keep from doom-scrolling and to attempt to help relieve some stress in this cursed timeline, I've been crocheting. I'm probably going to have to leave these on my friend's porches in the dark of night to give them all away. #crochet

It's National Rubber Ducky Day in the US! Quack 'em if you've got 'em.

I made a thing. It was the perfect pattern for the cute yarn I grabbed back when Joanne's went out of business. #crochet

This is amazing. Gives hope to families suffering from the scourge of Huntington’s disease. www.bbc.com/news/article...

Today’s advice from your Goth Auntie -Take some deep breaths, drink some water, take your meds. -Make your continued survival a promise and a threat. -The Cursed Object made a New Year’s resolution: eat more jam. ❤️ Auntie Jilli

I kinda feel like the dictionary is mad at me.

Look, 2026, all I'm saying is the bar is not very high. It won't take much effort. You don't even have to be great - just suck less than 2025 and I think people will be happy.

Rest assured, if you leave a halfway decent gift bag at my house the chances are good that you will see it again some day.

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA (coughing and choking break) HA HA HA HA HA HA!

🎶It's beginning to look a lot like🎶... Um, fall, actually.

For some reason there are a lot of "Student Driver" stickers on cars in my area. This one is officially my favorite.

This weekend a friend of mine asked me what my red line was - meaning, what would have to happen before I actively sought to leave the US. Been thinking a lot about that.

Your lips only touch for four letters of the alphabet.

I needed a free hand so I stuck the pencil behind my ear. I was just thinking "I bet having a pencil behind your ear makes you look smart" when the pencil fell out and landed directly into my tea.

I made this for my niece because she is dealing with a mean lady at work. I'm telling my niece this is an emotional support attack chicken and anytime that lady is mean, she should throw the chicken at her.

My Brain: Those are your fun Halloween socks Me: Yep Brain: It's Nov. 30th Me: Yep Brain: You are going to wear them anyway and just hope no one notices. Me: Correct on both counts

Autocorrect changed my "in the car" to "I'm the cat" and honestly I was tempted to just hit send.

I went shopping in preparation for my holiday baking and currently have an obscene amount of butter in my refrigerator.

I helped two different dogs from two different families find their way home safe again after they went on unsupervised walkies. It was a good day.

yes, hello, I would like to place an order for everyone’s funniest stories of holiday food-related family grudges / drama / chaotic incidents / lore I feel like we need this

We didn't see anyone filming, but my dog was ready for her moment to shine.

Was behind this today and…just…I cannot. 12/10 no notes.

hoot hoot hooray

I just heard the word "vintage" applied to an article of clothing from 1991 and feel compelled to go outside to tell kids to get off my lawn. Might as well yell at some clouds while I'm out there.

It is sometimes an appropriate response to reality to go insane. - Phillip K. Dick

Does anyone actually buy credit monitoring services or do we all just use the continuous services provided for us by the steady stream of companies notifying us they had a breach and are paying for a year for free?

Please help, I've fallen down the Temu screaming goat throw pillow rabbithole

This year we have sold 31% of the advent calendars that we sold last year 😓 The art is so pretty and colorful 🥺 The facts are so good 🥺 Eels are so cool 🥺 Get an eel facts advent calendar at EelFacts.net

I need to either clean up these dust bunnies or start charging them rent.

Some days I'm just happy when I get the spelling close enough that autocorrect can figure out what word I really want.

I double-dog dare any current sitting Congress rep to go through the long security lines at any airport in the US these days wearing a name tag.

Trunk-or-treating is an insult to the gods of Halloween, who demand that children face the cold horrors of the night.

Nothing makes me doubt my own existence more than the soap dispenser and automated water faucet in a public restroom as I stand there ineffectively waving my hands about and watching nothing happen.

Look, some good news! www.thefarside.com/new-stuff

For any of my friends protesting this weekend, here's some helpful info - even a lock screen background for your phone so you don't have to unlock it to see your rights. #NoKings #USPolitics www.aclu.org/know-your-ri...

Today I learned about the Japanese word "tsundoku". I have never felt so seen. It means collecting books and letting them pile up - not out of neglect - but for the joy of knowing they're there, full of untold stories.

Today's example of shrinkflation. Either they just don't care if you notice or they need to use up all the old containers. Maybe both.

"Following me into the bathroom is a privilege, not a right!" is a thing I just heard myself say to my dog.

'When authoritarians seize power, it is crucial to recognize courageous defenders of freedom who rise and resist,' the Norwegian Nobel Committee said as it announced Maria Corina Machado as the winner of the 2025 Nobel Peace Prize

Right up there with the common cold, getting the sound volume to match across various streaming platforms is apparently an incurable problem.

Spiegel is covering what is happening in America now far better than any of the news organizations here. What an honest and terrifying read. www.spiegel.de/internationa...

TWICE AS DEAD is out! Dead trees, Kindle, audiobook. It's a noirish urban fantasy set in postwar Los Angeles, with a hard-drinking private eye, vampires, zombies, corrupt cops, the Central Avenue jazz scene, and a smartass talking cat. www.amazon.com/Twice-as-Dea...

I average about one hummingbird at my feeder each year. This year's hummingbird let me get a photo.

I saw a big bobcat crossing the street in front of me on my run this morning. It wasn't so close I was in danger, but close enough I was mentally making escape plans*. *They would all have been in vain, those things are fast and feisty.