Damn, I was really hoping that somehow they would both lose.

I set up my linux laptop to play Barbra Streisand sound clips instead of system sounds, and then forgot I did that and was startled when the computer said "Hello, gorgeous" on startup.

Tech CEOs have divorced themselves from normal people so hard that his speech here is giving Stepford.

...I think I just found a small carnivore tooth in the driveway? Today has been a strange day.

Car work today. Using my phone as a scope to see under the skirt and find out what the last guy did wrong. See if you can spot it. 😑

If you've ever said to trans kids, "If your mom sucks, I'm your mom now," this kid needs some moms to help with the deposit on their first apartment. I can personally vouch for them being a real live human, having been on a damn gender journey, and actively doing the work for their community.

Every time a doctor has asked "Is it okay if I use AI take notes for me," they seem completely caught off guard when I say "no." But...no. Obviously no. Like there aren't already enough mistakes in my medical record without adding hallucinations. N-O. No.

I think I got to overhear a kid accidentally becoming labor woke in the mall parking lot. Two teens rounding up carts at the end of the night. One saying to the other, "See, he thinks that ratting someone out will make Walmart like him, but it doesn't, Walmart hates everybody."

Anyone got any golden rules of buying good clothes that I could steal for a presentation? It's mostly about materials but I'm throwing in a last page with stitch length, cotton content in jeans, etc.

Tech companies: Your phone is your whole life now. The State: You cannot use your phone while driving. Car companies: Your car is a phone now.

I am attempting to read my car manual from cover to cover. It contains almost no useful information. Need to change your key battery? Better take it to the dealership. Clock settings? Cabin air filter? Brake pads? Dealership. You can't be trusted, you uncertified fool. You'll break it.

I once again have cause to complain about pre-packed first aid kits. 100 bandages so tiny that they only fit wounds that don't need bandages! Also, some of these things have, like, suture kits, which you need training to use, but not bleedstop, which is idiot-proof.

I have sketched a canvas but the fear of paint I've mysteriously developed seems to persist.

Cardiologist put a note on my chart that says "looks younger than stated age" and it feels like I'm being accused of using a fake ID at the doctor.

Orpheus: What do you want with your taco? Me: ...tacos already have meat, cheese, starch, and veg. That is point of tacos. What do I want with my taco? Maybe another taco.

Film you've watched more than six times with a gif. hard mode: no star wars, star trek, lotr, dc, marvel, disney, pixar, dreamworks, spielberg, cameron, wachowskis, or ghibli.

Is a pumpkin a melon? Explain your answer.

In the months I've been using Linux Mint, I've only found two pieces of software that I can't run. Part of me feels obligated to write them a "please release Linux version" letter. But...they're both garbage software to begin with, and I don't trust that they could do it if they tried.

Okay, I guess it's gonna be a Day™ for the bangs.

The Fall of the House of Usher (2023)

RESISTANCE IS FUTILE (Sorry, the guy in reception had a Star Trek pin on, I couldn't not do this. It's just an annual checkup.)

If you are hard-refresh doomscrolling right now, here's a silly story thread I posted the other day that will kill a few minutes between the frantic downswipes.

This is why we wait.

Kind of hate that a major event happened in a room full of journalists who were already questionable because they were at the damn thing in the first place.

Logged on just in time to see that something is happening at the WHCD, so, this is your reminder: WAIT FOR THE WHOLE STORY FROM A SOLID SOURCE. PREFERABLY TWO OR THREE. DO NOT REPOST UNSOURCED THINGS. BEWARE AI SLOP. Thank you.

Oh wow. I used to read by the light of this as a kid.

Aa far as federal politics go, I've been resting in the burnout valley for years, but once in a while, I see something like this pop up over the horizon and take the giggle where I can get it. What did he think was going to happen?

with zero sarcasm this is good government and we should do this immediately

TIL that those magic eraser things work wonders on Converse

Google: We put a $2000 tier limit on your account as a safety measure User: So if I get hacked and someone uses $2000, it'll stop them? Google: lol no we'll just automatically increase the limit

Orpheus needed walking/running shoes, so we went to a department store that shall remain nameless because I actually hate them. But I managed to make a scene. So that was nice. (Scene to follow.)

Today I was behind a white Subaru hybrid at the light. It had an EVA from Wall-E sticker on it. I reflexively said "EeeEEEva" in the voice to myself in my car.

You ever try to code switch at work and fail? 😂

Do I happen to know anyone who is the kind of science nerd who can tell me about drug test strips and expiration dates?

Did you know I have a list of books from my literary neighborhood? I'm not good at promoting my own books (especially since they're currently pulled for anti-Amazon re-release) but I'll yell BUY MY FRIENDS' BOOKS all day. bookshop.org/lists/friend...

My Leg Is Screaming And I Must Go Out: The Kestrel Casey story

A VCR never sold my private info to a nazi

I have greased all the hinges on my car. For some reason this has made me feel like I have my life in order.

I like to imagine that Zohran Mamdani, Socialist African-born Muslim, was literally willed into existence by the collective psychosis of the Tea Party GOP over Obama, like the ectoplasm under NYC in Ghostbusters II

I want a word with whoever decides the increments for these things.

"The President says the Pope is Weak on Crime." Every time I read something like this, I have to check myself over real quick to see if I have any other signs of a stroke.

This month so far has just been a surprising number of Good Things Happening but has also contained more migraine days than usual. OCD brain is trying to figure out the exact exchange rate of Good Things to Migraines, as though I can make some kind of budget and deliberate exchange in the future.

I'm a little face-blind, but every once in a while, I'll bond with an actor in a particular role and then realize they've been haunting my entire movie-watching history. Lately it's Carla Gugino.

If you see this, post an image you saved because it made you laugh.

*handshake line* Good space, good space, good space.

We couldn't have done it without her.💐

Earth is getting real big in the window.

If I owe you a reply on any platform, I promise I'll get there. Two weeks of catching up to do.

Kid at karaoke just got on stage and said "Sorry for my English, I need to practice," and then absolutely fucking killed "Have You Ever Seen the Rain" and the whole bar went wild. People are cool sometimes.