How is THIS the PRIMARY image you put on an online property listing?! Up next, the radiator in the spare bedroom! Better get an offer in ASAP!

PR agent called Sam Cooke sends me a press release. My first thought: 🎼"Yooouu... send me... spam."

Headlines like this utterly infuriate me. The gist is essentially: "How dare a public figure not be living up to the public's judgemental expectations at all times?" At its worst, it's what makes weirdos dream up ideas like... *checks notes*... KIDNAPPING HOLLY WILLOUGHBY! Just gross.

Dear PR agency, You do not get to e-mail me an "OPERATIONAL NOTE" - my bosses do - and you are not them. It's called a press release. Get over yourselves.

Something called "Black Country Live" brings us two bits of Earth-shattering news... 1. There's a news programme on ITV called "Good Morning Brain". 2. Apparently, it's news that a news programme went to an item in their running order. (Appalling, merit-free clickbait)

Pleased to hear U.S. viewers will soon be seeing a lot more @news.sky.com content on @msnbc.com (or MS NOW, as it will soon be known). news.sky.com/story/sky-ne...

I'm not sure "We're awesome. You suck." is the masterful diplomatic gambit Trump thinks it is.

If Biden gave a speech this rambling, self-congratulatory and nonsensical to the U.N., Fox News would (rightly) call for him to be taken away by men in white coats.

Colleague in her 20s: "Should we blur Madonna's boobs on the front of the Star?" Me: "Hmmm... it's... Borderline!" [deafening silence]

Just seen a van with a website address that reads i-wash-it-me. Never went hyphens more-needed.

Apparently, all the anaesthetic machines in this hospital have names. Mine were called Sybil and Basil. I asked if that meant they were Fawlty.

You join us live from Danny Dyer’s birthday drinks.

Tomorrow, I'm going into hospital for a double endoscopy and cystoscopy. (Trust me... DON'T Google it! 😂) There's nothing to worry about until or unless there's something to worry about, but that's why we're checking. That said, please think good thoughts.

The Charlie Kirk video. Don't watch it. Don't share it. Channels airing it unexpurgated should be ashamed.

Is it just me, or has tomorrow's Metro made Vernon Kay look like Melvyn Bragg?!

Just seen a man so posh, he pronounced it "hwheel-CHAIR". I feel like a peas-ANT.

Well, that answers that question.

HEADLINE: "Putin might not want a deal with Ukraine, says Trump" Does one need to sit in a room with Putin -:or even talk to him - to understand that?

PLEASE SHARE THIS JOB AD! Wheelchair-user (me) seeks support workers for social, domestic, work and personal care activities. Must have a UK-eligible driving licence and be able to start in early Sept. Full details below. (PLEASE NOTE: NOT a @skynewsrss.bsky.social job)

PLEASE SHARE THIS JOB AD! Wheelchair-user (me) seeks support workers for social, domestic, work and personal care activities. Must have a UK-eligible driving licence and be able to start in early Sept. Full details below. (PLEASE NOTE: NOT a @skynewsrss.bsky.social job)

Your mistress?

This is silly. Why would - or should - Colbert want to be a member of a club that doesn't want him - and that he will likely feel wants to constrain his ability to perform as he pleases?

Gotta love a man who amputated his own legs for creepy reasons being called Neil HOPPER. news.sky.com/story/surgeo...

Fifteen years ago today, I made my debut as a reporter on Radio 4. I say "debut"... they've not invited me to do it again since. Probably wise! www.youtube.com/watch?v=mCeS...

Recruiting a new assistant. I'll give them points for conciseness.

Again, let's please keep any discussion on this to the theory of my question - not Wallace himself. That way madness and legal pitfalls lie.

Without getting into specific allegations... Are any other neurodivergent people really uncomfortable with Gregg Wallace citing his neurodivergence as - let's be generous - an alibi for his behaviour? Just because I can misread a moment doesn't excuse me from accountability.

I was under the impression she had married... y'know... a man.

🎵"There are many swear-words I would like to say to you - and I'm gonna now..." #Oasis www.youtube.com/watch?v=yFCk...

Permit me to editorialise... Rubbish. And insulting rubbish at that. If (until this week) it was imperative to get the changes through, why - now - claim the U-turn is on "moral" grounds? Or was the "imperative" to save the PM's leadership? An insult to disabled people like me.

"So, what goes on in this sweatshop, then?"

That thing when they've erected tacky, Beverly Hills-style gates outside your childhood home (that you're visiting for the first time in 28 years), so you have to peep through the bushes like a pervert with a nostalgia fetish...

Thinking good thoughts for our dear friend and former colleague. You couldn't hope to find a more-consummate professional or a lovelier guy. news.sky.com/story/dermot...

Gee, thanks, Uber Eats! That really is an offer I CAN refuse!

Armada: How Danny Dyer compares himself to other geezers.

Friend: "Have you read a book called 'Futility'?" Me: "I didn't see the point."

My mother left us 20 years ago today. Anyone who tells you it gets any easier is lying, but what it does do is give clarity. What would make her proud? What treatment wouldn't she tolerate? What would she find worthy of mockery? What would she relish? Embrace those - and you can't go far wrong.

Exactly one year apart. Coverage of the FA Cup final at Wembley on the TV... while I feel smug about no longer having to deal with 90,000 football fans 20 yards from my doorstep!

Apparently, I just crashed our opening titles. Oops!

That's news to me... and him, I imagine.

Hey, PR person who sent me 32 different e-mails on the same day about stuff that isn't my remit... No. (Also, you went straight to spam all 32 times.)

Exactly how Jesus talked...

Just heard "Smooth" by Santana and Rob Thomas on a station called "Oldies". HELP!!!

President Tracey Flick

"Lettuce adjourn..."

Definitely a sign of rational decisionmaking to be yelling at the world in ALLCAPS.

Tesla stock is supposedly rebounding. So the logic is... "Hey, ya know that guy who owns Tesla who we think is an idiot and should be nowhere near government?" "Yeah." "And how we sold our stock in Tesla BECAUSE we think that?" "Yeah." "Well, he's leaving the government." "Then BUY, BUY, BUY!"

NOTE TO AGENTS: When suggesting your client for our programme, don't describe them as a "refreshing change" in the first sentence of your e-mail. It suggests you think there's something wrong with our programme to which they are the magic solution. There isn't, and they aren't.

I'm very pleased to be able to share with you my recent appearance at this year's Disability Journalism Forum, co-hosted by @news.sky.com and Sky Sports. The DJF does amazing work - and I'm proud to play a small part in it. www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yn_h...