You signed an NDA!!!!!1!!

What We Dune in the Shadows

I’ve got good news for everyone who has been praying for the rich to get richer!

In an age of information, gullibility is a choice. www.theamericansaga.com/p/the-telepa...

Church is canceled due to budget cuts.

I think I’ll go down to Earth and check on My favorite river, the Colorado. It’s been a few centuries since I’ve splashed around corporally in it.

I didn’t want to be the One to say it, but…

Send Me some new ideas for ways to torture people in Hell.

How many problems would be solved if the moment a person banked their one billionth dollar they were publicly dismembered?

Humanity may not be perfect, but it’s nothing a little eternal torture can’t fix.

A pigeon zombie would just act like a regular pigeon I bet

Church is canceled because Jesus is very disappointed in you.

Transgender people have always existed and will always exist. People who attack them are the biggest fucking losers in the galaxy and must be laughed at, loudly and scornfully.

Church is canceled due to brunch.

Humans, have you tried putting the dumbest, evilest people in charge?

Mr. Rogers taught Us to look for the helpers, but maybe it’s also good to look for the profiteers.

It’s looking like humanity is too stupid to survive. They had a good run!

hypocrisy is the cornerstone of christianity

No, I dont think I will. www.indexjournal.com/news/blessin...

Congratulations to Phil for going 24 hours without saying anything hateful or idiotic!

I would never belong to a religion that would have Me as a deity.

Which do you prefer, My hate or My indifference?

The Bible is definitely rated “e.”

Fact check: TRUE.

Fact check: FALSE.

If I don’t exist, then Who makes the next Kleenex pop out of the box?

Church is canceled because you disappoint your mother.

Dear India and Pakistan: KNOCK IT THE FUCK OFF.

Marco Rubio is pathetic.

Congratulations to Pope Leo XIV!! Please report to My office at your earliest convenience.

If you don’t sin, then Christ died for nothing.

Jesus will not come back this year.

Church is canceled due to tariffs.

Just had a spot open up on My smiting calendar. Any suggestions?

It makes sense. He’d be so thrilled to live in a golden palace, excommunicate people, and cover up for pedophiles.

it’s the lord’s day, take your pants off and start sinning

Congratulations, “pro-life” voters: You played yourselves! www.motherjones.com/politics/202...

Sorry, it was the best I could do! (In one week.)

Mocking libertarians is My love language.

Easter falls on 4/20 this year, so Me and My buds are going to have to make some bad jokes. #420Easter

A Missouri Congressman has figured out what is causing America’s problems: DEMONS! showmeprogress.com/2025/04/13/l...

Roko's basilisk is just Pascal's wager with extra steps

Church is canceled due to the economy.