Lee Anderson in Terminator 9: Rise of the Gits

Last of the Summer Wine reboot looks a bit crap

"Nurse! Tim Stanley is calling Kemi Badenoch 'Mummy' again!"

National what now?

"Today I am heading to Clacton where, according to my Bradshaw's Guide, local custom is for a chap to persuade his girlfriend to buy him a house so he can avoid stamp duty"

Just James Melville advocating for old people who fail eye tests to be allowed to drive

Heard House of the Rising Sun on the radio today. I thought it was a traditional American folk song but there is an English version which starts like this 👇

Photographer: "Sorry for snapping you next to this odd-looking thing" Andrea: "That's ok" Photographer: "I was talking to the sculpture"

<Rupert Lowe at the boating lake> "Come in number 9. I suspect you are illegal immigrants"

Brilliant afternoon recording an episode on The Tiptoe Boys/Who Dares Wins with @mrdarcydog.bsky.social Not least because I accidentally invented a new cocktail - the Absinto Flashbang

@breakfastruins.bsky.social What ever happened to the stars of Who Dares Wins?

"We asked 100 people what makes a person crave power. You said ... tranquilizers"

"Let me get this straight, you want to sue Grok?"

"I'm a working-class man with a direct manner"

"Point one, I'd like to start by saying I do not have a list .... "

Usher's trousers could protect his legs from temperatures up to 400°C #TOTP

Donald Trump's hopes that his parade will improve are dashed again

BREAKING: Trump issues executive order decreeing 'Parade' is to be spelt P-E-R-A-D-E from now on

Zia Yusuf doing a George Costanza

Some of y'all can't handle two high agency males going at it and it shows.

Simon Bates on sax #TOTP

Holy cow!

‘Can I bring my mate? He’s sound’ The mate:

Good morning, Madam. Do you want your car valeting?

Is there a parachute?

Keep taking the tablets ...

"but it was a basted egg not poached"

Double-barrelled name Double-barrelled shotgun

".... and the first inmate folks, you're not going to believe it, will be the late, great Hannibal Lecter"

Pope Innocent Pope Guilty

We asked 100 people to give a reason not to move to Italy. You said being force-fed pasta

"Yesh, we're bombing Houthi targetsh in Yemen but it'sh top shecret. Don't tell a shoul, shhhh"

I’ve been stabbed, shot at, beaten, had my cheekbone & orbital crushed - now have plates in my cheek, 6 concussions, over 150 stitches, 27 arrests, chased by police helicopters and been in court more than I can count. All in the name of Norman Collier

"We asked 100 people to name something which can explode. You said, paper straws"

Gonna tell the kids this was Elon Musk

Transfer Deadline Day

Why Elon Musk steals jokes on Twitter

Post your favourite Star Trek character. Wrong answers only. "Khaaaaaan!"

"Get this, they were eating sandwiches made with moist bread!"

"Just popping out for a loaf of bread. Want anything, Love?"

I'd completely forgotten about this whopper from Lee Anderson

Andy Gray has some great advice for anyone playing hide and seek with the kids over Christmas