Im sorry I wont stop telling everyone to get two kittens, but now Ive written a whole piece about how you should get two kittens open.substack.com/pub/thepom/p...

Not the 2015 bridesmaid font

From now on whenever I get a medical bill that requires me to log in somewhere with a password before I can even SEE it, I’m not paying it. If it’s so secret I guess it’s none of my business.

Amazon loves to be like “if you spend $1.07 more we will deliver these items to you RIGHT NOW. We are basically waiting outside to give them to you!!!!” And then you order them and they’re like “ok!!!! So they’ll probably be here like tomorrow!!! Maybe Sunday???”

Oh you think you’re a Type B mom? We can’t leave the house because I can only find left shoes

I love this

Ok I know everyone hates it but we’ve never done Elf on a Shelf and I kinda wanna do it this year? I feel like some of the ideas are so cute and funny, but am I setting myself up for years of tedious elf placement? Does anyone have a good method?

Not to promote gender stereotypes but I’d never had a boy cat before my new kitten and omg boy cats are so so sweet and perfect. 😭

Asked my 2 year old if she’d be interested in taking soccer or a dance class or maybe an art class. She thought about it and said “No. Maybe a stuffie class? Or a chocolate chip class?”

Get your toddlers kittens. Teach them to treat them gently. Show them how to pet them and hold them and play with them. And you will end up with the sweetest, most tolerant cat in the universe.

Shout out to all the parents letting their kids veg out and watch TV and eat endless candy on the couch this morning. We all derserve it after parenting on Hard for all of Halloween Month. I see you coordinating four different Halloweeen celebrations and painting costume elements by hand.

Men are like “women won’t even look at a man if they aren’t 6’3 and built entirely of muscle” meanwhile every woman I know would date either of the Kratt Brothers.

One day you are young and fun and drunk on Halloween and the next you are preparing your family Pokemon costume, which includes your cats.

Went to my sons elementary Halloween parade or as it should have been called The March of the Rumis

Friendship ended with BLONDE BRAID LADY. Now PURPLE BRAID LADY is my best friend

Forcing my cat Ichabod to watch Sleepy Hollow so I can point at the screen and say “look that’s you”

I have a question about Nightmare Before Christmas. Are they creating the holidays just for their specific towns? Or are they tasked with spreading the holiday to the outside world? Or are they somehow like celebrating the holiday just in their town to keep the spirit of the holiday alive?

Me, ordering an Auntie Annie’s pretzel. The police: Are you actually related to this pretzel woman?

Just can’t identify with people hating cats. Are they too soft? Too warm? Too cuddly? Purr too loudly?? Their paws are too small??? Too sleepy????

I’m from like the whitest of the white WASP culture and even we call my moms good friends “aunties”.

My 2yo thinks not wearing shoes or socks is called “doing bear feet” because bears don’t wear shoes. DO NOT EXPLAIN TO HER SHE IS WRONG EVER.

Once again tried to brush my 2yo daughter hair for school while she screamed “NO DONT BRUSH IT I LIKE IT MESSY!!!!!!!”

Letting my cats include me in their culture by taking a nap in the middle of the day.

My absolute favorite day of the year is when we take the kids to walk around Georgetown to see the Halloween decorations. If you are visiting DC right now and have nothing to do with the shut down, highly reccomend this activity.

There’s now a Tinder-like app where you can meet people while you are backpacking around Europe which makes me rage because the whole point of backpacking around Europe isn’t to meet people you’d like, it’s to meet the weirdest group of boys from Iceland you’ve ever met in your life.

Not the worst way I dumped anyone but I broke up with my college boyfriend because I realized he was cheating on me when I found her Mii character on his Wii character list 😂😂😂

What’s the wildest lie you told your parents in high school that they believed

It was genuinely until I learned how swim diapers worked that it dawned on me if you pee in the pool it will not actually turn purple

I volunteered to be the room parent for both my kids classes, host a neighborhood pumpkin party and to be on the neighborhood Halloween committee. Did I KNOW that I would be planning 3 parties at once and having to keep track of 4 sets of reimbursements? No! I’m Type C!!!! I’m just like this!!

Yes but this begs the question…why would you want your six year old to read The Great Gatsby

Good morning my children just came to me and politely asked if it was ok if they tied a rope to a houseplant and swung it around.

This is how my kids watch tv with our kitten Ivy. She is the nicest, most tolerant cat on earth.

My controversial parenting take is you absolutely don’t have to bake with your kids if you don’t enjoy it and you especially don’t have to bake with kids under 3. Get break and bake cookies if you must do a bake.

Fascinated by Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard because they could so easily just…not post on social media. They are NOT good at it.

Looking for a rec for a good mid-sized swing set for my kids!!! It’s such a big purchase and they all have like one review from someone who is very mad that the lumber had a splinter.

Going down to the cellar to get seltzers from the large flat of seltzer to put them in the fridge like a pilgrim doing morning chores at dawn.

My 17 year old cat secretly LOVES one of my new kittens. She was sleeping in this chair and he jumped up and she subtly scooted over to lie next to him. She lived with my (now dead) other cat for 16 years and they never this, lol.

The thing about having kittens is you want to be “Let’s lie in bed and cuddle together” and they’re like “great idea but instead of cuddle what if I chased a rubber band on top of you while you lie down”

Going to second child birthday parties be like

My 5yo got in trouble at school for talking to his friend too much so his teacher made him change tables, when I asked him about it he said “yeah but what she doesn’t know is everyone is my friend and I’m never going to stop talking”. I’ve never been so sure he’s my child.

So excited to have my sister @epiellie.bsky.social on The Pom today, talking about how to discern good public health information so we can make the right choices for our kids www.the-pom.com/p/kids-and-p...

100% co-sign. This is not me being a "mean girl," this is my concern and disgust at the platforming of dangerous people in a time of rampant health misinformation.

Depressed? Anxious? Broke? Unwell? Tired? Try having three cats on you at one time. Having three cats on you at one time will solve all your problems.

A rare perfect parenting summed up moment yesterday when my 2yo asked for a gum ball from the gumball machine but I didn’t have a quarter so a random dad kindly offered me one and simultaneously the lady who worked at the store scolded me bc my 2yo might choke on the gum ball.

This is crazy

My 5yo just said “I like Nightmare Before Christmas bc in the beginning he doesn’t know anything about Christmas, in the middle he knows a lot about it but not how to make it happen and in the end he fixes everything” and I swear that’s a better description of how plot works than I’ve ever read

Saw that Starbucks now has cold foam lattes with added protein in the cold foam and like…I just think it’s enough with the protein. Some things can just be a little treat!!!!

I’ve seen a lot of posts from moms like “when you see me on the phone at the park, I’m not ignoring my kids, I’m paying bills, making appts, grocery shopping” but let it be known when I’m on my phone at the park I am ignoring my kids. If my kids aren’t asking me to play I am NOT inserting myself???

I had a Crafternoon party for my girl friends (woman friends?) yesterday and it was so fun! We painted coasters and candles and made bracelets and ate a ton of snacks (everyone brought a snack and I provided the crafts). So fun to get together without kids, chat and do a craft.

The person who invites 15 of their friends over for a Crafternoon party a month in advance is not the same person who is frantically cleaning the house for 4 hours the morning of the Crafternoon party because why would I think people could be allowed in this house?????