I think I could take a panda in a fight.

Damn girl, that ass got me feeling pensive af

best bot trigger ever

waaaaaaaggggh!

da fuq is up with citizens of bluesky?

Scottish WILDCAT!

lol pretty sure I've been shadow banned lmao 🤣😂

just spent ten minutes trying to open a single string cheese. this involved a scissor and a razor blade. no, i am not high

Haven't eaten today, but now I'm devouring lasagne and half a loaf of garlic bread, and suddenly, I'm seeing sunshine and rainbows and unicorns out my window

I woke up today and made sweet sweet love to my woman. I know what a woman is even tho I am not a biologist. honest simplicity is amazing. I think I'm gonna cook up a pile of liberty toast

😂😂🤣😆😅

Steller's jay passing through. #backyard_birds #birds #steller's_jay

I know things get tense and political sometimes. but I am truly relieved that today's protests happened without major incidents and everyone got out, had fun, spoke their opinions, and made it back safely 👏👏!

I am not!

i just am not sexually attracted to pokemon is that so wrong?!?

My fat ass been thinking about this maple bacon cinnamon everyday since I had it in July 😩

never forget, Donald trump took George Floyd from us #jetfueldoesnotmeltGeorgefloyd #whatcouldhavebeen #nokings

is this an actual place??? bc I'd go there!

you have no idea what has begun here

jesus h christ

in my bathroom, feeling like absolute trash. Too many beers, too much glitter. The mirror’s staring back. I’m low, man, real low. But then I lock eyes with my reflection, and it hits me -Ima beast. A chaotic, unstoppable B3AST. No kings, no rules, just me. Time to crank the music and keep roaring. 🦁

it really hurts my feelings when you dress up as a slutty nurse for halloween. i studied hard for four years to be this slutty.

“is that your breakfast? I scarcely noticed. As you can see, I am normal and can be trusted in the presence of food.” -the cat

I’m enjoying TWO packets of Trader Joe’s instant oatmeal this morning instead of just one, like some kind of self-indulgent hussy

I actually had a TSA sex dream. Like the TSA agent made me put all my clothes in the bin and then go through the scanner naked and then said they detected something in my balls and needed to drain them to make sure... it was hot but I wish the TSA agent had been a woman

fkin tom HOEBAG snuck some of my bacon! 💢🥓🥓🥓 😡 deport this dick asshoe!

I'm not gay, but if I were, my type would be whatever mark ruffalo is

Rat stickers have turned out rather well!

totally dreaming about cheesesteak

True story

oh man am I about to make this pile of tacos my bitch 🌮 💥💥💥 POUND

Christmas is coming!

Im trying to wear this tinfoil hat right but the government keeps beaming gay thoughts into my brain

oh fuck this cat is awsome

sometimes I see a fly and I'm like "fuck you fly" and then I go pound that mfer. I hate flies

so I've finally done the deed, I've joined bluesky! it feels great! hopefully I can make some friends here . maybe get a cook out going! but not with tofu-rters, those hurt my sensitive belly!