Mountain Standard Time: the Mr. Pibb of time zones.

Canadians be like “MUNCH-re-all”

It’s a great day to listen to one of the best albums of all time!

Sandwich time w/ @bearlyacub.bsky.social a couple days ago — if you’re in the Minneapolis area and you want a DELICIOUS sandwich, go to Shepherd’s Table in Longfellow!

*the 728th customer points out that it’s so crazy/busy in the store 6 days before Thanksgiving* Me: I will kill myself in front of you to permanently alter the course of your life

Ugh I looked cute today 💙💚

*tentacles squelching wetly*

And I will die on that hill 🍌🤷🏼‍♂️🍌

Monitoring the weather radar in your thirties is a gateway drug to birdwatching in your fifties

Glen Powell marry me challenge

SNL make Ashley Padilla a full cast member you cowards

Why did nobody tell me Little Dragon fucking slaps

There needs to be a retroactive punishment for the Twitter gays who unironically used “bromo” in their handles in 2014

According to the parking lot the Roseville Walmart is the place to be on a Saturday evening

Hearing “Somebody Loves You” by Betty Who at Panda Express is wild to me

Having a drive-thru at Panda Express is wild to me

Third night in a row of sleeping in this position (thanks to the egregious amount of pillows I keep on the bed) in hopes that the neck muscle I pulled while sleeping four days ago will finally heal.

Literally three scrolls into the Discover feed and I saw a diaper

Kinda mad at Lily Allen for not sampling “West End Girls” though

Less context, better tweets, Papa John’s

Y’know, I think maybe I’m the unhinged one

70° on November 14th in St. Paul, MN is crazy but I’ll take literally any excuse to open the moonroof

Cannot stand people with zero car knowledge who don’t heed advice. Go ahead and buy that unreliable European car but don’t come crabbin’ to the people who told you to avoid them like the plague when you start having electrical issues, or when you find out those low-pro tires can’t handle snow 🤷🏼‍♂️

If you’re in the Twin Cities metro and you want a DELICIOUS sandwich, check out Shepherd’s Table in the Longfellow neighborhood of Minneapolis. They just opened in September!

After this I had a Hydro Thunder, and a very light beer after that. Didn’t even get a buzz. Ate a bunch of chicken and rice/veggies when I got home. It is 3:30 pm and this hangover still hasn’t left me alone. Getting older is for the birds!

Saw little white bits of detritus floating all around me on the patio at the bar and thought someone nearby had ashed their cigarette… nope. Snowflakes!

I got the sub zero. I’ve had three sips and I’m already hungover tomorrow

If you see this, post and album cover with a motor vehicle on it Salute - True Magic (Deluxe) (If you like garage/house/dance you should listen to this album)

Oldest selfie in your phone September 13, 2007! I was 21, in Milwaukee for the first time, freshly platinum’d, and putzing with my new SEVEN MEGAPIXEL digital camera!

GWOP GWOP

After this PAINFUL episode of Drag Race UK I think maybe it’s time to permanently retire the Snatch Game

This new Ryan Murphy show (All’s Fair) is fucking WIIIIILD. It’s absolutely terrible in the best way. I’m treating it as a soap opera so I’m able to completely overlook the terrible writing/acting. Anyway it’s flashy as hell and I can’t stop watching

How do you fumble the ball in your own city after George Floyd was murdered by your own police force and manage to get re-elected twice afterward? Makes no sense to me. Minneapolis you really let me down. If Jacob Frey has no haters then I am dead. Fuck Jacob Frey forever.

BOOOOOOOO JACOB FREYYYY BOOOOOOOO HISSSSSS FUCK YOU. YOU’RE A PANDERING PIECE OF SHIT. MY CITY DESERVES BETTER LEADERSHIP. OMAR FATEH SHOULD’VE WON.

THIS IS A POP MUSIC SHEMERGENCY

One more before the end of Halloweekend. She had to be revived.

OH MY FUCKING GOD???

About to see Weapons for the first time

I love seeing all your amazing lil dumb lil silly lil faggy lil halloween costumes, please keep posting them I am a friendless loser and I’m enjoying seeing everybody have fun tonight while I wear my sweats and eat my leftovers

This is what I’m wearing today. A lovely Black woman stopped me at the gas station this morning to say “You know, you got a lot of swag about you”, and it caught me so off guard that I started coughing. After we both laughed I blushed and thanked her and it put a little (more) swish in my step

I hate gay Halloween like what do you mean you’re a self-referential social media post costume?

When the energy drink matches the hoodie >>>

The way these 2 are having a better time than everyone just vibing and puking #RHOSLC

A modern day renaissance painting. #RHOSLC is the best housewives franchise of all time. This yacht trip is incredible!

I find a flower on the floor at work, I put it behind my ear, I don’t make the rules

SHE KNOWS WHO PAYS HER BILLS. CUNTY DANCE POP ERA INCOMINGGGGG

I took place in the tomfoolery after all 🤷🏼‍♂️

"Queer BlueSky: how old were you when you came out and how old are you now?" Started coming out SELECTIVELY my senior year in HS, then to my sisters when I was 20… but I don’t count it as fully coming out until I told my parents when I was 21. Diva the closet was glass. Anyway I’m 39 now.

I’ve been alerted by the guards that a height percentile graph thing is going around and lemme just say that I don’t need such tomfoolery to remind you all that I’m 6’3”. No graph needed. I might be gateway-tall but I’m most likely taller than you and that’s all that matters. Neener neener neener.