My most common typo at work is "reprots", instead of "reports". Drives me wild when I see it, because I then must go through several other folders I've worked on, just in case I've also named those files and folders incorrectly. I get several test reports a day.

General public: we can't use pesticides and preservatives, it's not natural Also general public: Omg why does my food have bugs in or grow mould the day after I've bought it

Today working in shifting my centre of gravity. I unbalanced after just a couple of seconds. But I bail out, now, instead of falling. Progress 😂

Welcome new followers, I guess 🫣 😅 phone blew up over night and I didn't even have to get naked

Wonder Man was fun. I love not-trying-to-be-a-hero superpowers show. It was obsessed with Heroes for that reason. Enjoyed the low-key dig at ICE, as well.

"Tales of loss and fire and faith" A simpler time.

If you're ever alarmed about how fucked up America is, just remember that Kinder Surprise is banned there, for "small parts risk to children", but guns kill 2,500 children per year. And that lack of self-awareness makes it a little bit funny.

Prince Noncebatton finally arrested, upwards of 15 countries doing their investigations linked to Epstein... And no one in America has the bollocks to try for Trump?

Abandoned pets on the increase again. Those hastily-bred covid dogs everyone decided they wanted on a whim ending up just how we predicted.

Uber aren't even subtle now; a driver accepts my trip, cancels, and the app tells me to pay £4 more for a faster pick-up.

Inexplicably horny so hiding out in the toilet until the evidence calms the fuck down and I can return to my desk.

I am on form tonight

Admit it, this was good.

Co-op closed yesterday "for maintenance" and today every single 'buy 2 for £2.90' (or whatever) deal has gone. I guess I'm not shopping there again, those deals were the only thing I purchased 😂

Today is the perfect day to call a Right Winger "woke", "Leftist scum" and "destroying r culture" for saying pancake day instead of Shrove Tuesday.

The weird cat couple down the street are at it again. Guy says bye about 19 times to his cats on his way out and the girl takes turns holding each of them up in every window and they both tap on the windows and wave, as if the cat is a human child, or even cares. This is unhinged behaviour, right?

The builder doing our kitchen, that I'd not met before, just arrived early and... 🫦

My mate sent me details of the DL guy he was shagging "just in case", and the guy has gone absolutely mental. Ok, sorry they can't face being open, but to expect everyone else not to protect themselves from someone literally lying about themselves is insane, right? They don't get closet benefit.

Manchester beautifying for The Brits... It still surprises me that locals and councils don't really give a shit how their home city centre looks until it's about to be featured on TV. Like... 'my city is the best ever but no money will be spent on its care until people will see it'

Dickhead @rjk1701.bsky.social forced (FORCED, I SAY) to drink and have fun on a school night.

The delusion of my friend thinking his current obsession, a man shagging him behind partner's back, is telling the truth that he's the only other person he's shagging and thinks it means he's special 😭

Me: I'm doing to have a productive day TV productive day: 2 naps by 2pm

It's getting hot in here... I'll take off all my clothes.

Watching the men's half pipe snowboarding like I wanna give every single one a full pipe

Walking around the area by my office... Fucking idiots.

Colleague: Marcus has his headset and music on, frowning, that means hyper-focus on something important, let's not disturb Me: *pondering if a day-drinking shag session is a good enough reason to book a day off work*

Important for my UK friends - the ban remains in effect for now.

I love how my customers think they're Erin fucking Brockovich seeing something online and crying over it, asking me for evidence of compliance then I inevitably point out their hysteria isn't applicable to the product type they buy from me. Bore off and watch influencers more, please, I beg 🙄

Has anything "woke" ever gone broke? Also, why is it "woke" for the Left but "free speech" for the Right?

The weird dichotomy of knowing I'm happily single, but depressed I'm never chosen, has hit me real bad this week. And the £15,000 fraud thing. You can't forget that. I certainly haven't.

He thinks that just because I don't care about Star Wars etc means I don't know anything. Fucking with his little sci-fi nerd mind has entertained me this evening, immensely.

My low-key cry for help was answered by a friend taking me out for Thai food. That's one blessing.

Oddly this absolutely riveting conversation has flexed my brain a little bit and I've come out of my funk.

Trying to book a holiday and everyone just wants the full value up front? Like what happened to deposits? Or do only the stupid expensive carriers do thst now

To make this perfect week even more so, the uber driver didn't end my trip so I've just noticed I've been getting charged for the last 22 minutes after I got out of the car.

A new friend invited my close friend out for dinner, with 8 others. Told me there wasn't space, or I could come, too. Of the 8 others in the photos, only 2 I don't know. And now I'm struggling to not be really annoyed. I'm not the centre oft he universe.

Gym twink has apparently told a gym muscle queen that I'm a better shag, because he slagged me off for no reason. I mean, that's something funny to hold onto for the day. The comment, not the twink, because he won't tell me which one.

Gonna tell my kids this was either the UK Labour government's Chancellor of the Exchequer Rachel Reeves or their Minister for Women and Equalities Bridget Phillipson.

Going to sleep at 9:30 because I'm feeling depressed as fuck at the state of the world and how you get fist-fucked just for being nice and hard-working, by people who apparently espouse decency and hard work. If I'm lucky I won't wake up tomorrow.

Not James Van Der Beek. Icon.

Debt company disputing the fraud, even though it's acknowledged as such. *He* got everything he wanted from my financial status; wiping the debt also benefits him. I did nothing. Honestly, if I have to pay it, and these rich people get away with raping kids for years, I don't want to live anymore.

Esse est percipi

Spent my day yesterday doing Slovenian registrations and translations only to be told today it was needed in Slovakian 🥲

"The awkward moment when America takes territories as part of America then realises that means the taken territories are part of America" 😂

Yourself, but as a cartoon

I love Vernon Kay. His BBC vault entry today is "The £1000 House". He said the name, then absolutely nothing. No comment. No follow-up. Silence for a good few seconds until the news jingle came on. So pointed, if intended 😂

Shocking enough, getting to the gym for 5.45 has not resulted in a vastly improved workout. Largely because I am only just arriving.

Why aren't the same people going mental over Christmas Trees being renamed (they weren't) also calling out Pancake Day? 🤔

credit: Twonks Comics www.twonks.co.uk