I've been back at work for 15 minutes after 1.5 days off and am already blind with rage due to a bunch of documents being canceled without looking at them "oh I didn't read" and EGGSHELLS BEING TOASTED IN THE TOASTER OVEN which smells like burning hair

Honestly best part of the children's pageant was Mary standing there holding a baby doll and fully disassociating while the other kids sang carols. Feels accurate

Zero stars to 3 clueless hiking men (father and teens/twenties sons?) who instead of going single file to pass me, FANNED OUT so that I had to walk between two of them towards one of them. Like, you might not be a threat but how on earth am I supposed to know that when you're in trap formation

Bruised my hip carrying something really heavy at the solstice bonfire but accidentally impressed the HLS, so? Winning? What a weird year. What a weird sentence.

In the past week I've been told I'm beautiful (twice) and that i smell good (once) by female strangers. Really on a roll here

Garth: "we have land at home"

Caroling today at an assisted living facility. One of the seniors grabbed my hand and was like "you have beautiful fingers! But I forgot what I was going to say about them" and then toddled off

Success

I knew I had shopped enough today when one of those cheery chain store announcements came on about decking the halls and I involuntarily and audibly said "deck your MOM'S halls"

Loading my beautiful children Kayleigh, Hrayden, and Hiytler-Anne into my FürherTruck ChildCrusher450. Idling an hour in the parking lot of the local church INSPYR to view the nativity scene, belching carbon into the troposphere. I notice the Joseph is looking a little swarthy. Christmas is ruined

My parents encountering a florentine cream horn for the first time: "these cannolis are terrible" Idk whether to laugh or cry that they saw something new for the first time, a different size, shape, color, texture, flavor, etc than a cannoli, and just went "bad cannoli" instead of "what's this"

What an absolutely wild way to send a package. Politely informing the seller without using the words YOU BUFFOON

Thanks IG for helping me cut down on my screen time... by making yourself unusable on desktop 😊 (Forced new landing page with follow suggestions pre-checked? Come on. The risk of accidentally following some people i very much do not want to is high. you can't uncheck & move on, it comes back)

How small are these towns where I live? The community compost collection (one bear-proof garbage can) is suspended until spring because the bears broke the can beyond repair

well well well would you look at all this unstewarded land [gestures]

How small are these towns where I live? We were supposed to get a piece of mail today. PO box empty. Huh, okay. I drop off my outgoing stuff and go to leave and there is our piece of mail on the desk where people sort their mail and leave anything mis-adressed.

Yes youtu.be/ZaIgDbFz-sY?...

Overheard at women's Bible study going over the levitical sacrificial system: "I'm so glad I'm not on their altar guild"

Have you seen someone's entire buttcrack in Aldi? You may be entitled to compensation

I am actually sympathetic and pretty likely to give to the unhoused but I gotta say, shouting at women in cars in the dark when we can't see your eyes is not a great strategy. Lord, have mercy

Fantastic, Twitter DMs now pull up random people you're not in conversation with when you search your inbox for keywords in existing chats

My cooking philosophy is, when something goes against plan, no one needs to know that except you. Thusly from the ashes of the cranberry orange loaf cakes that stuck horribly (only the top half came out of the pan) comes the cranberry orange sheet cake with cream cheese frosting

You know you've made it when your tattoo guy just wants to hang out

This book I am listening to about Johnson & Johnson, on the heels of the book about Purdue pharma, is making me 1. Hear all drug advertising quite differently 2. Want to never purchase a brand-name drug ever again

Strange how bad at math investment bankers are when it comes time to pay their bills "I dOnT uNdErStAnD have someone call me. I signed [completely different document] for 2026 work so WHAT IS THIS" - senior partner faced with a very simple invoice for amount of estimate less 50% deposit, 50% due

Customer with invoice nearly 4 months past due: "well I sold this house in august" That's nice, and it took you until the 7th collections email to share that? IF YOU DON'T CANCEL YOUR SERVICE AND DON'T INFORM US OF THE HOUSE SALE, GUESS WHAT HAPPENS

Review on a line of clothing called curve, designed for the plus sized: "beware if you are leaner or have a smaller frame this will not look good, 2/5 stars"

What is the moral protocol for when a cashier at a store an hour away DELIBERATELY fails to ring up 2 $4 bags of coffee and you don't discover this until you're too far away to go back Like I watched him make 4 beeps for 4 bags of coffee and lo, there are only 2 on the receipt

I know it's too early but I haven't made anything for fun for a long time so here is an Xmas garland made almost entirely out of garbage

The fervor with which the denim industry and the fashion bloggers are urging me to part with my skinny jeans is having the opposite effect

Today's winning phone call: [customer with 28-acre property] [icily] one of your guys is WANDERING around They were there to do a job. He needed to pee. In terms of contractors I abide by eccl. 7:21 - if you are watching or listening too closely SOMETHING YOU ARE NOT GOING TO LIKE WILL HAPPEN

When you see this skeet a pic from your gallery to describe your mental health.

Me friday: remember there's an appointment Tuesday Me monday: remember there's an appointment tomorrow Me Tuesday am: remember there's an appointment this afternoon [Tuesday 1:21 boss waltzing in the door] Me: WHY AREN'T YOU AT YOUR 1:30 APPOINTMENT "Oh I forgot"

There’s a timeline where none of your life problems emerged and all the bad things on the world stage never happened because Sufjan Stevens made all 50 state albums and your state’s was absolutely perfect

Trying to put the best construct on things when your feelings are hurt is just like

Incredible moment during communion: toddler made it from back of sanctuary to first altar step in split seconds, did flying squirrel leap onto first landing, then started army crawling to the altar. Pr rob (without dropping the communion tray) snagged her till her dad could get there

Preserve this precious man at all costs youtube.com/watch?v=F-lt...

I have just enough of a 4 wing to be slightly horrified at how predictable I am

It's not even thanksgiving. Why am I being subjected to Santa baby

A reminder of my brother's flawless list of types of men: -Hoo-de-doo -yeehah -doh-de-doh -dumpity-do -horpy-dorp -fancy man -boo-bah (gender neutral; can also be used as an adjective for poor work. One may be boo-bah for personality -general laziness- or productivity or both)

Belated gif from this week's episode

Balance is important I look with pleasure upon my freezer full of healthy homemade food I look with pleasure upon the money in my taco bell app

"Sign coworker up for this" [blank email with references to membership renewal and conferences" Do you mean membership or conference? "Just do it" email is blank. membership or the conference? I can't see what you're seeing "I don't need your normal list of excuses why you won't do what I ask"

I'm now at the "getting rid of backups" and "acknowledging i will never do this project" stage which is crazy for someone with scarcity/deprivation mindset

Enjoying this juxtaposition of bleets from Rev @dljohnston.bsky.social and Pr @cahutch1990.bsky.social

Mfw I'm still expected to show up to the volunteer event even when the hot land steward isn't there

"Ooh there's some little turds up here" - trustee meeting