Kristi Noam graduated from killing puppies to killing nurses and moms.

Could you imagine if the GOP got this through their heads?

Mark my words: ICE agents are going to be comprised largely of pardoned January 6th insurrectionists.

#harrystyles is a genius. That is all.

Hey #GOP Congress people: you know how you could save your careers and go down in history as a good guy? Just a handful of you could break ranks and join in n impeachment effort. Give yourself a catchy name, go down in the history books as Republicans with a conscience, put Constitution over party.

@trump by any objective measure you are the biggest presidential fuckup in US history. Hundreds of millions of people hate the ground you walk on. They've responded with the largest anti-government protests in US history. Your private gestapo murders innocent citizens. Your grift knows no bounds.

Controversial take: If you can't enunciate the letter T when it occurs in the middle of a word, you should not be a prime-time newscaster.

Today Donald Trump mobilized the US Military against the Epstein File investigation.

We need way more mental illness awareness in this country. That way, maybe we won't ever elect a candidate who was obviously mentally ill again.

Epstein file cover-up. Skyrocketing healthcare premiums. Congestive heart failure. Alzheimer's drugs. Having a whole special effects team for the back of his hand. Falling asleep on the job, in front of cameras, everyday. The most rambling, incoherent, hateful State of the Union ever. Good job MAGA.

I prefer presidents who don't mock people after they just died.

If you post pictures of food I will mute you.

If you need a smooth liar, do not call Tom Cotton.

I'm starting to feel like every social platform has about 3 years of viability before it is invaded by Russian trolls and disinformation and AI slop. And blue sky is starting to smell a little ripe.

MBS has a gazillion dollars so maybe he could get his teeth fixed so he doesn't look like Satan when he smiles. Oh wait. Sorry. He's Satan. Never mind.

What weird parallel universe is this where #MTG and #laurenbobert have spines?

Elon vs. Joyce Carol Oats and it wasn't even close #elonmusk #joycecaroloats #owned

Fun zippy post-grad analysis.

Dear #TSLA, Cut. Elon. Loose.

Am I the only one who thinks that Trump is acting like somebody who knows he doesn't have long to live?

The Dodgers won and I'm high-fiving strangers in front of an LA taco truck at 10:30 at night.

trickle down economics trickle down economic trickle down economi trickle down econom trickle down econo trickle down econ trickle down eco trickle down ec trickle down e trickle down trickle dow trickle do trickle d trickle trickl trick

GODDAMN MED-BED IS GLITCHING OUT

Coming soon to a city near you.

Susan, I hope I look as good as you at 102!

This is * chef’s kiss *

The truth here is so ever relevant, is so simple and profound. I think I might pop it into my next book. Sharing yet again:

Good people 💙💪💙

Wordle 1,461 2/6 ⬜🟩⬜🟩🟩 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩

North Korea out there calling balls and strikes.