Tonight, I learned that within the last week (since the @taskmaster.tv finale) I’ve lost the ability to laugh. I’ve not laughed normally for a couple years, but now either my weak muscles just spasm preventing any airflow until my ventilator forces a breath or a little wheeze escapes. Dying sucks!

7 Things Cats Teach Us 1. Rest is not laziness. 2. Curiosity makes life worth living. 3. You don't need to explain yourself. 4. Small comforts matter more than big things. 5. Stretch. Every single day. 6. Trust takes time. Give it time. 7. Home is wherever the people you love are.

Help needed with an art project for @rehumanizeintl.bsky.social addressing dehumanization and medical violence against minority groups. If you’ve ever been dismissed because of your age, race, gender/orientation, disability, etc. I want to hear your story! Reply, DM, or email me at [email protected]

Started the morning off by taking Julian Patatas out for some bird watching.

I am the sickest I’ve been in quite sometime but at least I’ve got my little orange boy to keep me company. Please ignore how awful I sound and just soak in this cuteness.

Yesterday, I suddenly got extremely ill. Today we confirmed that I have pneumonia again and had a very not fun conversation about my likelihood of surviving this crisis given how weak my body is. Spoiler: odds aren’t great. But then I saw this sweet goose family on my way home, and that helped

I feel like I should be offended, but Lou’s portrayal of terminal illness is so freaking funny. This is exactly the kind of humor I need right now as I’m stuck in bed with pneumonia and my very real terminal illness. Dying sucks. Laughter helps. So thanks for the laugh @dimension20.dropout.tv

After a year of recurrent strokes leaving me mostly homebound, today I was able to go back to my usual coffee shop before PT. The manager met me at the door, order in hand, and led me to my favorite table. Meanwhile, I was met with a chorus of “Beth’s back!” And “we’ve missed you” from other staff

Narcoleptic Narcotic dreams are wild. Today I dreamed I was back in undergrad with my pre-stroke brain but same physical disabilities I have now and fell asleep on a bus to a quiz bowl meet. Then inception style found myself inside my current D& D campaign, where we’re traveling in the dream realm

Sick days are rough, but getting kitten snuggles while binging @dimension20.dropout.tv and @taskmaster.tv definitely makes things a little better. Here’s hoping I can stay out of hospital and continue recouping with this little guy by my side. 😻Julian Patatas is the best boy.

Woke up this morning acutely aware of the fact that I am actively dying, feeling absolutely horrid. But it’s @thehornesection.bsky.social Wednesday! And that makes everything quite a bit better. If you’re lucky enough to be at the live show tonight, enjoy! Can’t wait for the new pod episodes.

My neurodegenerative disorder causes recurrent strokes. By the time we got to double digits, this was absolutely how my friends would respond when I’d lie down and nonchalantly announce “I’m having a stroke.” @dimension20.dropout.tv

No, bitch. Worrying about kids playing a ttrpg with orcs and elves or listening to metal (or hip hop) is moral panic Raping stolen children is a moral evil. And it is literally only my long-held beliefs against the death penalty keeping me from burning every one of you at the stake.

The statistician in me knows it doesn’t actually do anything, but I do enjoy cooking my dice for our biweekly D&D game.

Finally catching up on @dimension20.bsky.social Gladlands. I thought this was supposed to be lighthearted season, so I wasn’t prepared to be sobbing like. But dang it, @brennanleemulligan.bsky.social has once again found the perfect words to pierce my heart.

Speaking with a hospice nurse on the phone: Nurse-what did you say your birth year was? Me-1992 Nurse- oh! (Beat) You’re so young. Me- yeah Nurse- I’m so sorry Me- yeah. Me too #DyingSucks #YoungPeopleDieToo

Really struggling with the fact that all hospice literature is written for elderly people. It sucks but young people die too and being terminally ill in your 30s is already isolating enough.

Julian Patatas would like to teach everyone how to handle ICE

I’ve been quite sick the past few days. Now all the friends in my D&D are snowed in and want to do an impromptu session. I said of course but may have to keep it short as I’m unwell. I was told to roll a medicine check. A nat 3. Yeah that feels about right.

He’s so happy.

Good morning from Julian Patatas

I forgot to lock my walker before laying down for a nap and my cat pushed it to the other side of the room. Now he’s just laying here next to me all sweet and purring like he did nothing wrong.

Does everyone’s cat wake them up at 2 am because they want to play in the sink and go for a walk outside or is that just my boy’s special brand of weirdness? I consented to turning the faucet on for him. But a 2am pleasure stroll is where I draw the line.

I cannot thank @dimension20.bsky.social and @brennanleemulligan.bsky.social enough for inspiring to get my old D&D group together and create a character that resembles me. Also, today was Juju’s first D&D experience and he really wanted to help roll my stat block

Good morning and Merry Christmas from Julian Patatas and his new best friend, Pup (my dad’s dog)

Good morning from Julian Patatas

Hello from this handsome boy

I’ve been rewatching @dimension20.bsky.social Unsleeping City and for some reason desperately craving baked spaghetti (iykyk) I think it turned out pretty well considering I’m allergic to tomatoes and can only cook with a microwave and air fryer.

Good morning from Julian Patatas

Little monster got to play the big monster tonight! He’s loving how many cat toys this @taskmaster.tv advent calendar is producing. Thank you @alexhorne.bsky.social and team for helping to make our first Christmas together so magical. #JulianPatatas #TMDay18

I put my spoon down for 2 seconds to check my phone. I should know better by now.

We went to see the Christmas lights down town last night! Everyone wanted to pet Juju. Who can blame them?

Good morning from Julian Patatas

Things I did not expect to have to say to my cat… No, sir, you may not play with broken glass! Please ignore the shelf and lamp shade on floor. He is Julian destroyer of anything hanging on walls. I have just given up at this point.

I’m coping with the fact that I’m very sad and sick by binging a massive quantity of @dimension20.bsky.social But, also, this clip is a very accurate representation of how quickly I get pneumonia and will be my default response the next time someone asks to hang out even though they have a cold

As a wheelchair user this might be one of the most relatable clips of @dimension20.bsky.social ever. Genuinely, feels like that is a lot of walking to me.

I normally only get my flu shot when I’m fully stable, but cases are rising rapidly in my area. So I went ahead and got it today even though my respiratory function was only 75% back to baseline. I know it was the right decision, but I’ve plummeted back down to like 30% and I feel like I’m drowning

Things have been rough. So I spent the day doing some art. This quote from @dimension20.bsky.social Neverafter has been on my mind a lot recently. Dying sucks and it often feels like I’m barely keeping my head above water, but I am grateful for every day and all the memories I’m able to make.

Starstruck (@dimension20.bsky.social ) is SciFi, but this line is all too real. “You rent your ability to live” Although, @brennanleemulligan.bsky.social charges much less than the US. My ventilator alone is over $5,000/month. I don’t want to think what my DME would charge for a full cyborg body

On today’s episode of you may chronically ill if: the new x-ray tech is surprised you’re so good at getting chest X-rays. Also, I definitely have pneumonia again, but my lung didn’t collapse this time. So that’s good? If you need me, I’ll be in bed pretending I have a functioning immune system.

Not sure if I’m actually getting sick, still reeling from smoke inhalation (from catching my microwave on fire), or if my ventilator malfunctioning last night triggered a respiratory crisis. Either way breaking out the sick tea tonight and heading in for a chest x-ray and cultures in the morning.

Never a dull moment

Just starting @dimension20.bsky.social adventuring party now that I’ve watched up through Crown of Candy. I’m not sure if Lou accurately described the Hydra lifestyle, but he nailed Kacie and I’s sleep habits. The number of random quotes I’ve compiled from this show is wild.

This whole video is great, but 4:18-7:12 was genuinely cathartic. Leaving academia because of my terminal illness was hard. But at least I’m not Franklin. Dying sucks, but joking about it helps! Thank you @brennanleemulligan.bsky.social for not being afraid of dark humor youtu.be/1sp_I-XUxtU?...

3 weeks ago I was told Kacie had 2-3 weeks. She’s still stable and regaining skills everyday! Yesterday she got her favorite bone out of the toy box all by herself and started chewing on it.

Stroke perks! Today I learned that I’ve lost enough sensation on my right side that I can feel them put in an IV! All shot and blood draws will be on the right side from now on.

Kacie did her little happy hops again this morning for the first time since she collapsed nearly 3 weeks ago. The vets didn’t think she’d still be here but she’s still improving everyday 💕

My new aide insists on calling me Ms. Fox and it makes me feel so old. The nursing agency and med transport also refer to my apartment building as a facility. Am I the only resident under 55? Quite possibly. The joys of being 33 and actively dying are endless.

Being the human parent of 2 medically complex animals, I’ve learned to take photos and videos when one starts doing something odd. This morning Beany baby started coughing/gagging. Kacie went to check on him and this is the footage I actually got. I love that they love each other so much.

My little ginger babies 💕 Photos of my sweet Kacie Kay and spicy little Julian Patatas being cute and sleepy.