oh yippee. and i was just thinking i really need to upgrade my pc becasue it's starting to have issues and freezes/lags while i'm working on projects. sighs. Hopefully the ai hype crashes and burns before my old pc does :/

seeing/hearing about all the shit happening in this country (US) and also around the world makes me nauseous and gives me a migraine and I will throw up if I cant ignore or escape it. but it's ~my responsibility to stay informed~ you say? I will puke on you. 😭🤮

I need a social program for autistic people that matches us with other people so we can make friends or something. i'm tired of doing all the work. someone else can do it for me!!!!

finding out i'm autistic was a relief because I learned my failed human interactions aren't my fault. but things didn't get better. i'm still failing. and i'm told i cant blame others OR myself. so is it autism's fault? I want to be proud autistic and fond the good in it, but is it ruining my life?

I hate when I get close with people and we have consistent plans, make future plans, and they give me things to look forward to,,,,and then they just ghost me without warning. I need things to look forward to. having that always taken away suddenly all the time is so distressing.....😭

holidays are coming up...that means i'll have to sit through family dinner twice and listen to my republican family talk about politics, worship trump, and talk about how people like me are disgusting creatures that deserve to die. yippee 🙃 if only I had friends to visit instead

I hate that I attract people who want to be friends and bond over trauma and stuff and they will first confide in me about people who hurt them and cause trauma and ruin their lives. then after I help them through it and they escape those people, they turn on me!

I hate when people are vague about something, so I ask for specific clarification with example and they just repeat themselves exactly, so I repeat their words back at them asking if my example fits there (when im sure it doesnt) and they act like i'm being snarky at them and are kinda rude in reply

i'm so good at accidentally saying wrong or bad things without realizing or being aware of them. and instead of calmly informing me, people get mad at me about it. why do I never get the benefit of the doubt even though I give it to everyone? I don't understand.

I never know what people want when they go silent and ghost me or stop reaching out. is it some kind of "hint" they want me gone and to leave them alone forever? do they want space and I wait for them to come back on their own? or want me to keep reaching out even if they aren't responsive?

cant even trust people that tell me they are honest and straightforward. they still lie to me and hide things behind my back and let themselves get annoyed at me for socializing wrong and then blame me for not picking up their stupid useless hints. it's better if I don't bother anyone and be alone😔

"disabled people who dont work or people who need government assistance are just lazy!" i'm going to go out on a limb and assume these are the same people who use and support ai to make money so they dont have to do work themselves. they already support billionaires who make others do all the work.

I hate when people tell me i'm too negative and need to be more optimistic. I consider myself REALISTIC. I think the difference is if you generally have good luck and say nothing good will happen, thats negative/pessimistic. but if it's your normal, you're being realistic by preparing for the bad.

"i dont respond to people who message me because they think I want to be friends and get all parasocial" whats wrong with people wanting to become friends?! especially if an artist wants to befriend another artist? I feel people misuse "parasocial" to justify being antisocial to everyone

ugh. I feel so uncomfortable around people anymore because of a few recent experiences to top off a lifetime of failure to connect with others. but I cant crush the nagging feeling of wanting to connect with others and not be alone. I hate this so much. reaching out feels bad. being alone feels bad!

really miss the days as an autistic child having intense single special interests that took over 99% of my brain space, didnt need other people to enjoy them, and made coping with the cruel world seemingly so much easier...bulloed at school by friends? feel better after watching fav show again.

every time I hear about the bond twins have, it really makes me wish I had a twin. then maybe I wouldn't be so alone in this world....

I changed my name years ago to a masculine name to get the medical care I needed because I was told by everyone (doctors/therapist/insurance) I was legally required to change name/gender on ID to get approved for that care. but now i'm feeling like I should change to a more neutral name

when people tell me "be yourself/be more confident/like who you are/dont people please or put yourself down" and tell me thst will make people like me more, but then the opposite happens and I become extremely disliked and alienated more than ever...guess the "real" me sucks??? 🤷

i'm looked down on and called robotic and accused of inappropriate responses and lacking empathy for being autistic, while ai like chat gpt is praised for inappropriate responses/lack of empathy because it's an actual robot. make it make sense. computers get more love than autistic people now

i've hit this point in life where I cant trust anyone at all and think everyone hates me behind my back but wont be honest about it. and the worst part is I cant even gaslight myself into thinking i'm paranoid and wrong. because it keeps getting proven correctly. happened 10 times in past 3 months.

when I ask people to do things with me and they refuse or make excuses about the things I suggest, it's not me asking them to do the things necessarily. thats why I give options and ask their ideas. instead I hear they dont want to spend their time and energy on me specifically.

i'm so used to being the person who really wants to talk to someone and tries really hard to keep conversation going and says Too Much because I dont know how conversation works....I have no clue what to do when it's the other person doing that to me???

Really struggling today with the fact that Autistic kids are 'encouraged' to get various kinds of therapy to help with social skills yet non-Autistic kids can be vicious little arseholes to anyone who's different and that's just 'normal'.

me when I have one day without pain and illness flareup: I must have been faking it this whole time! time to overwork myself because clearly I should be fine and able! *feels absolutely awful the next or later that day and wonders why* #disability #chronicillness #chronicpain #chronicfatigue

sometimes it doesn't matter how much I talk to people or how many, I still can only be understood by random tumblr comments on random posts I find, by people i've never spoken to and never will...that last sentence especially...feel that so strongly. always thought I was alone. half man lime gets it

i've always been a nobody irl and on the internet. sometimes I wish to be a somebody just so I have more chances to "find the right people" in life. many times I see people i'd vibe with or treat their friends how i want treated. but only see them because theyre somebody. they wont talk to a nobody😔

one of the only foods that I like and doesnt make me feel awful is seafood like crab and stuff. but one crab is over $100 💀 whys seafood have to be so expensive here!

the more I try to remind myself of things, the more my reminders blend into my environment!!!!!! >:[

is it bad that i'm waiting for right wing transphobes to attack me fir being trans and queer so I can see if people who claim to care about me but hate trans people for existing actually mean it or if they take their side instead?

Autistic kid: *exists* Society: Everything you're doing is wrong. Stop it. Autistic kid: I don't understand. Why? Society: You should KNOW why. Seriously stop it. All of it. *gestures* ↓

why is hate and negativity so much easier to implement than love and positivity? the government can use hate to reverse 30 years of work in months. why does hate win? i'm tired of this!

if they come for trans people, i really wonder what my family will do. Will they realize theyre on the wrong side and protect me, or show they dont actually care and turn me i'm with their own hands? I dont trust them. I have nowhere else to go. i have no support or friends near me. i'm isolated

theres a person who reached out first and wanted to be friends with me who ended up blocking me. I dont care about the blocking because if i'm honest, they rubbed me the wrong way from the start and I didnt reciprocate much. but they claimed they were honest and straightforward and not afraid to

I know i'm very disliked and annoying to everyone I meet. the way i'm ignored, avoided, ostracized, bullied. it's obvious to me i'm doing everything wrong all the time. but no one will tell me why! they just react badly and ignore me when I ask them to communicate it with me so I can learn and grow!

It’s telling that the only thing most people are interested in knowing about autism is what causes it & how to avoid it. How are #autistic people supposed to live in a world that sees us this way? As a “risk” to avoid rather than as fellow humans & community members?

when you're #disabled and/or #chronicallyill and try to laugh at/make fun of the dumb things your body does, but you forget it's not a "normal" or universal experience and accidentally worry people. like no! it's fine! this is MY normal! i'm used to it. i'm trying to make a joke i'm sorry 😅

I get so angry and frustrated whenever I try again to learn to do something by watching a youtube video. I follow tutorials EXACTLY and it never works for me. I can't figure out what i'm doing wrong because you can't ask video tutorials questions! i'm allergic to video tutorials. they're the worst.

I have so many things I need to work on, but all I can do it lie in bed. but if my chronic pain and chronic illness isnt acting up, then my adhd prevents me from doing anything because getting interrupted to go to my annoying job ruins the thing i'm working on. I cannot deal with interruptions!

I really hate that my lack of positive and proper social interactions and friendships my whole life mixed with being on a higher needs autism spectrum (im guessing moderate support needs/level 2) than I ever got accommodated for has forced me to be the most obnoxious and unbearable person to exist

theres a person i tried really hard to be friends with, but they kept rubbing me the wrong way after a while so I stopped trying to be friendly. and now I wonder if they did it on purpose because they secretly hate me. I learned they blocked me on socials. that basically confirms it.

republicans/democrats and their lack of object permanence is laughable. they really think if they erase trans people from everything and everywhere, we will simply stop existing. thats hilarious. we existed long before you've ever heard of us. we aren't going anywhere. you cant stop us.

republicans/conservatives REALLY need to let go of and get over the whole fake "vaccines cause autism" bullshit. it makes me so angry. I will give them proof it was all fake and theyre all "but fox/trump/these republican paid doctors/etc said it's true!" because screw facts I guess, demonize autism🙄

me: how to make friends people: just be yourself! me: *stays in room alone or avoids people when out* why's being myself not working?! the thing about "being myself" is im naturally an overstimulated rat that struggles to speak and hates being perceived. so "being myself" actively prevents friends.

I wonder if a reason so many people think anything lgbt is nsfw or "inappropriate for kids" is because lgbt characters were never shown in regular media and more often in nsfw media where they aren't fought agaiant as much. if we normalized lgbt people/couples in regular media (especially kids'),

I always have to wonder why people never tell me things i'm doing wrong and instead sit there angry/upset/uncomfortable and silently get mad that I don't realize on my own or misunderstand things. what is your problem! JUST TELL ME. IM STUPID. YOU MUST USE WORDS. I CANT READ MINDS. 🙃

that feeling when you wrongly assume everyone is in pain and feels awful all the time because you dont know what "normal" feels like so you ask people advice in how to force yourself through the day and they freak out saying thats not normal, stop doing things and go to a doctor....but I did????

I hate structure but I also can't live without structure, how do you solve this??

wish i could get a disability lawyer without paying one to tell me disability info so I can apply and be approved to get on disability because everything i find on google is just websites advertising lawyers and not actual info 😭💀 or confusing government websites my stupid brain cant understand

continuation of this post because suddenly memory unlocked that I completely forgot about and looking at it now is like a new perspective: so I first came out as a trans man before I knew nonbinary was even a thing. I just knew I wasn't a girl and only learned about binary trans. anyway I kept it to